Dealing with your decision to live here

I am finding it hard to deal with the fact that family and friends don't keep in touch.  I have been close to my parents most of my life and have a hard time dealing with the fact that they don't call or write.  I try to send cards and pictures to them and even call even though i don;t find that i receive support after talking on the phone with them.  how do you deal with the lack of support/communication from those you were closest too> or even with the fact that it will probably never be there becz they dont agree with your decision to move so far away  :-/

I am finding it hard to deal with the fact that family and friends don't keep in touch.  I have been close to my parents most of my life and have a hard time dealing with the fact that they don't call or write.  I try to send cards and pictures to them and even call even though i don;t find that i receive support after talking on the phone with them.  how do you deal with the lack of support/communication from those you were closest too> or even with the fact that it will probably never be there becz they dont agree with your decision to move so far away  :-/

It's not really a problem for me...obviously, if I was that close to my family, I'd never have moved so far away in the first place.

My parents have fallen into the habit of calling EVERY Sunday evening.  They used to only call once a month, and I liked that a LOT better.  My mother calls up at 6:30pm ON THE NOSE, which is exactly when Sky One shows its new Simpsons episodes, so I let the phone ring.  I used to tell her to try and call a couple of hours earlier, but she got weepy and called me selfish, so I just pretend that I'm not home.  Maybe I can give her your number? :-)

 My mother calls up at 6:30pm ON THE NOSE, which is exactly when Sky One shows its new Simpsons episodes, so I let the phone ring.  I used to tell her to try and call a couple of hours earlier, but she got weepy and called me selfish, so I just pretend that I'm not home.  Maybe I can give her your number? :-)

No offense Stacey, but I think your mother is right.  I'd give just about anything to have my mother call me at all, let alone regularly.  But I guess your relationship is different.   :-/

Blondshania, I have the same problem.  There were all kinds of promises about keeping in touch and writing and all that stuff...but it just doesn't happen at all.  I've had no visitors since I moved here 2.5 years ago, I don't talk to my dad more than 2-3 times a year (Fathers Day, his birthday, and Christmas, usually).  I talk to my mother slightly more often, but I have to instigate every single conversation by calling and leaving messages for her 3 or 4 times before she gets back to me...if she does at all.  When I call my sister, every time she asks "What's wrong?  Why are you calling me?" as soon as I say hello.  It's painful, and hard...no question about it.

The way I deal with it is to lower my expectations.  If I speak to my family, it's a big deal.  And that's just the way it is.  I try to concentrate on the fact that my husband and I are a family now, and if they don't want to be a part of that...or *can't* because they can't see beyond their own little world...then that's fine.  It was my decision to move here away from them and start my own life, and yeah, it would have been great if they could support me and the relationship could be better and closer, but sometimes, you just have to accept things the way they are.  

The other choice you have is to pretend it's all peachy-keen and just call them and chase after them until they get the picture.  It takes a lot of work and effort, which you have to realise may be wasted.  (It was in my case.  I tried to call home, tried to send emails as often as possible...for 2 years before I gave up.)

Wish I had something brilliant to say that would make you feel better.  It really isn't easy, I know.  But you aren't alone.  Families are funny things, and people deal with distance in very personal ways that may not be helpful to the person who's far away.  

No offense Stacey, but I think your mother is right.  I'd give just about anything to have my mother call me at all, let alone regularly.  But I guess your relationship is different.   :-/

Not everyone's mother is a whining, self-centered, nagging machine.  I've had a poor relationship with my mother my entire life and I don't see it improving...ever.  I don't really care to try to improve it.  She loves playing the victim, and she especially LOVES to try to make me feel bad.

When I moved over here, she tried to get me to stay in the U.S. by telling me that my elderly grandparents were going to die soon.

I mean, come on.  What kind of sick, twisted person uses THAT to manipulate someone they're supposed to love?  Like I'm going to put my life on hold because my grandparents are old!  P.S. They're all still alive 2.5 years later.

I too have had a rocky relationship with my mother all my life. She didn't even want to come to my wedding, it was my grandmother who told her to come,  :-/  
Anyway, now forward ahead 2 years and the woman is missing me! l talked to her a few weeks ago and she told me she had a dream of me coming home and surprising her. Awww!

Now, for friends and other family members, well--I do have one very close friend who sends me a Novel opps letter every month telling me what is going on in her life. The girl can go on forever. LOL  Others email, but not much. It was fast and furious when l first moved here. Now, once a month or every 4-5 months if l am lucky. My sister calls about once a month or l call her. Everyone likes blaming the time difference.

I think folks back home have a hard time understanding what our lives are like here. They are the same in a lot of ways, just different countrys. I have talked to a couple of different friends who are so supporting for us to move back and others question why we want to move back. The grass is always greener syndrome l guess.

The lack of support and the lack of communication is something we all have to deal with in our own ways. l don't think they don't support us or not want to communicate, they just don't know what to say to us. We can send tons of pictures and letters, and of course we don't want to put in our letters about the down side of living here or we miss them all so terribly, for fear that we will upset them. At least l don't want to.
l don't think they forget us, they just forget to remember us!

Another thing you could do is reverse psychology on them, stop calling, stop the letters and see how long it will take them to call and write you! And when they do call, say well hi, so good of you to call me! l was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong!  

I am sorry that you are having a hard time with communication...not you...your family.  I have found that it is me that also seems to do all the calling, etc.  I miss my sister the most, she was my best buddy and we still try and talk at least once a month (usually like 3 hours or something). She is jammed up with work all the time and us being home at the same time with her in Calif is sometimes impossible. Sometimes though, it isn't that frequent and I really miss her.  My Mother is a nut case, but she is my mother just the same and I love her for that and that only.  I miss knowing that they aren't right there, even though when I was in the states, I wasn't in the same one most of the time anyway....silly, huh?  My point is this, everyone deals with stress and pain differently and I have thrown myself in to my life here with my kids and hubby.  That does tend to keep my mind active for a bit. Otherwise, I try to at least exchange e-mail with my sis and mother, and sometimes my two bro's. I don't always get an answer from them, but know in my heart I am doing my best in living so far away.  It helps make it seem a bit better.  I hope that as time passes it gets a bit easier on you with the distance...I hope they realize that you need just as much lovin from them regardless of what country your in.  

Big ((((((HUGS)))))) to you Blondshania....How long have you been here?  If it is just a short time, maybe they will come around after the shock of the move is over since you were so close to your folks.  It took a bit for my mother to come around and she is much better at almost two years down.

Thank you for all the responses and the hugs..it makes me feel better to know that i am not the only one to go through this.  It is hard to read some of the other posts of members who have supportive families or families that even attended their weddings - you guys dont know how lucky you are...I wish my family would just call - thats not asking for too much

i have been here for almost a year and some days are tougher then others...i had a good cry over the lack of communication from folks in the US the other day and came to this conclusion..if I didn't have that much of a relationship with my folks in the US- they weren't very supportive, my parents said -We know you moved away to get away from us-
then why would it change now...

Hello i moved away becz the city i lived in was crappy and i met a wonderful man that i fell in love with and married

maybe time will help...until then i will try my best and send letters and make occasional phone calls...

I think also throwing myself into life here will help...i worked for a while and that really helped me to put my mind on difft things...

I look forward to having children someday but at times i cringe thinking of all the agony my folks in the US will put me through becz im not there...

thnx for the support it is really appreciated