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Topic: Letter to Pets  (Read 578 times)

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Letter to Pets
« on: November 29, 2005, 08:10:57 PM »
Dear Dogs and Cats,

 The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years; canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.   (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh"    - Agnes Repplier


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Re: Letter to Pets
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2005, 08:18:31 PM »
Missymo,

I have just caught my breath from laughing so hard I was snorting! Whilst trying to read this to my DH........

That is the funniest..truest thing I have ever Read!!!!

Brilliant!







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Re: Letter to Pets
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2005, 08:22:16 PM »

That is the funniest..truest thing I have ever Read!!!!


I wish my cat could read about the bathroom door. . . .
"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh"    - Agnes Repplier


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Re: Letter to Pets
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2005, 08:23:28 PM »
My dog does the same thing.......and she races up and down the stairs..you would think we were siamses twins.....

I can't take a pee with out her
AND she wants to be looking at me while I do it!




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Re: Letter to Pets
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2005, 08:25:31 PM »
My dog does the same thing.......and she races up and down the stairs..you would think we were siamses twins.....

I can't take a pee with out her
AND she wants to be looking at me while I do it!

Milo stands on back legs, bangs on the door with his paws, and yeowls if he realizes I'm in there without him. . . . Dunno what he thinks he's missing. . . Stupid beastie.
"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh"    - Agnes Repplier


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Re: Letter to Pets
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2005, 03:50:22 AM »
My cats are convinced that, sooner or later, they will successfully manage to pull open the bathroom door from the bottom...despite the fact that it opens in, not out...where they are...some of the time!  ;D
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age
               - Victor Hugo-
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family
.......in another city.
              -George Burns-
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling
through street grates.
               - Dave Barry -


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Re: Letter to Pets
« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2005, 03:56:42 AM »
OH I LOVE that! The part I relate to is:
Quote
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Albus does this constantly! Or he races me into whatever room I am going to and throws himself on the floor in front of me looking up innocently as if to say "Pet my belly??"

The only meaning anything has is the meaning you give to it.       ~Author Unknown

2006 Work Permit -> 2011 ILR -> 2012 Dual Citizen


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