So what do you do when you're homesick for a place other than 'home'....?

Hey--

I'm new to this site...my husband found it the other night and told me to read!  I've been doing nothing but that for the past 2 days now (as a result i've gotten nothing accomplished)    

I wish i would have found this site sooner really....

Where to begin----sorry- this is a bit long-ish.

As my name suggests i've been at a bit of moving volley for the past 5 years.  I LOVED the UK when i repeatedly travelled there, then i met my husband and we decided to settle in Manchester (his home).  We lived there for 2 years  (but i consider it longer, as i was ALWAYS there visiting him and his family).  At first, I loved it...it was exciting and exhilerating to be a resident of another country and travel as much as i wanted to etc.  And then that nagging homesickness comes in.....I know a few others have felt it too so you know what i'm talking about.... I just got this dark cloud over me and started to resent this place that i had loved for so long.  Suffice it to say, after 2+ years of permanently living there we decided to move back the US.   I couldn't deal with the sadness and missing my family etc....plus, I was getting fed up with a lot of things in the UK as well (don't want to embellish at the moment). 

So we start the process of my husband getting his green card, and really start reseraching the US (took us about a year start to finish).....but a funny thing happened---by the time we were ready to move, i had learned to love the UK again---i was used to the endless queues everywhere and the traffic and the pop-culture obsessed people....and the pubs and the music and humour and holidays etc etc etc--- i loved my life.....  By that time though we had sold almost all of our possessions, my husband got his permanent resident card for the US, we both got US jobs etc....it was too late to stop it all i thought....i would feel stupid.....

We moved back the US in August of 2005....and we both have never felt more confused.  This is NOTHING like where i want to be....and i knew it the first week back....I think i was homesick for a place that i romantacized with memories from childhood and holidays visiting my family---a place that doens't exist anymore....and more importantly, doesn't feel like home to me.   Since being back, i have realised how much i love the UK and how much more 'British' i feel than American.   I think i spent so many of my formative years in England, that I feel foreign in the US.

So what do we do now?  I don't want to give up on the US too soon, but what if i never really wanted to move back in the first place?  What if it was just serious homesickness and all i needed was time to adjust....?  I made a rash decision and bailed on a place that now i miss like crazy.....

This is why i've been reading this site for the past 2 days---- reading posts about things that i miss ( Channel 4! and the BBC---i even bought a satellite radio for my car so i can listen to Radio 1 on my way to work in the mornings), hearing how other people cope with their feelings of homesickness....

All this talk about missing american food and i miss Pizza Express salad dressing!  LOL.  If i couldn;t laugh about it i would be depressed.....

We are thinking about moving back....and it is killing me just talking about it because we were so sure the US would be the place to settle!! We are daunted by the challenges it would bring withi.e i wouldn;t want to sell our, now new, stuff we have here so would shipping be an option (expensive?!), me driving in the UK--get off the roads (seriously frightens me, but i would get over it, right?)--- missing my family---this would be a big one.

I know this is a long post for a 'newbie' as i am affectionately being labelled, but we need some advice on this one.  I am terrified of making another bad (rash?) decision, yet I think of the UK and I get excited....I get the sense of being different again....and the thought of moving again doens;t seem so frightening for a moment.  I dream of walking through the streets of Manchester lately---or visiting the little Christmas markets and stalls.

I feel like taking the leap (and it would be final this time) and moving back....home.

Hi, I am sorry I can't help you out in the way of any advice. It sounds like you have some big decisions to make. I only am able to welcome you to UKY and wish you luck and happiness with whatever you chose. 

Hi - welcome to the boards!  It is hard feeling like you don't fit in anywhere - it is even harder trying to figure out where you feel that you fit in the most (well, it was for me anyway).  In the end I made a list of what was most important to me (value ladder type thing), then made lists of how each place fit into my values.  The only problem is that this lists are logic based, and homesickness is obviously not. 

Good luck - it is tough. 

Best of luck to you.  It's always a hard decision to make!

There's another member of this site (i wish i could remember her name!) that did exactly the same...  was completely fed up with the UK, went through the whole stramash of getting a US green card for her husband, moved back to the US, and in less than a year had moved back to the UK again.

Good luck with your decision.

aww welcome!

glad you found us..this forum is great.

Sorry about you missing home...it seems like you might be a bit torn. I'm sure it will work its way out and you'll be happy wherever you land

Welcome to UKY!

Sorry you're feeling so conflicted, but I'm sure you're not the first person to feel that way. How does your husband feel about it? Is he happy in the US or would he prefer to move back here? Best of luck in working out what's best for both of you!

Really take time to think this over.  You may be going through the same thing you did in the UK...missing what is 'normal' to you and haivng that 'grass is greener' experience.  Take time to talk through the pros and cons of everyday living.  Don't romanticize...be realistic.  What are you getting from living in each place, what would you lose out on?  Figure out what aspects of life are most important to you both and then see how they stack up in each country.  Neither country is perfect.  But you may find that life is better in one place or the other...

Hi & welcome!

I think you should take another trip over & visit before you decide to move back - that way you may see it a bit more for what it is rather than with rose tinted glasses - you know?

Good luck!

Hi welcome to UKY, so sorry you are having a hard time of it.

Maybe look around the board at some of the other members experiences, though really not everyone is the same.  Maybe post this in Expat life as well, just to get a few more views on it.

I totally understand what you are going through.  We moved back to Canada after living in the US and lasted a year. that is why we live in the UK now.  If you want someone to talk to about it, PM me.  I would be happy to share my story.  These life decisions are tough!

Wow--thanks to everyone for all the responses....I've never participated in anything like this.  It is good to know that I am not the only one that's been in such a predicament.

In regards to my husbands feelings, he feels like i do---i.e totally confused.  He is homesick, but not necessarily for his family (maybe a little bit, i suppose) they are not as close knit as i am with mine....I think his feelings stem more from feeling so extraordinarily out of place here...from the humour, to the politics, the lack of worldliness of a lot of Americans etc etc.  We both are so terrified of making a wrong decisiosn.  I am working out a 'value ladder' of sorts---i've done the pros and cons thing as well.  No matter what there will be trade-offs of some kind or another..we just have to decide which ones would be harder to live with.

We are coming for a visit in May (3 weeks to go!!) so i'm hoping i will not only see the things i loved---but also remember the things that drove me mad....My hope is i will return to the US with an idea of what to do.

Question though: Just to see if it will help sway our decision, we are researching how much it would cost to ship our new furntiture etc and are coming up empty handed---we've tried Rinkens for an online quote, as well as over the phone, and they continue to blow us off ( should i take this as a sign? )    Does anyone know of any other places that specialise in int'l shipping? I swear, i really cannot possibly sell all my stuff and start over again--we even had to sell all our wedding presents when we left England.    :\\\'( 

Hi, I shipped 24 boxes with http://www.UPakWeShip.com  they were great, cost is based on cubic sq feet not weight.  The cost was $810 and it was exactly 2 months.  You can ship pretty much anything in ocean containers.  Depending on where you are shipping from, east coast is cheaper than west.  I shipped from San Francisco.  Good luck!

One more thing to consider - Are you settled in the US and still don't like it?  Or are you still looking for work, a home, friends, etc?  My husband just made the move back to the UK to get things set up for me - he hates it right now and would rather come home because "nothing feels right".  I keep reminding him that the way he is living now (with parents, job hunting, few friends around, "single", petless) is not the way he is going to be living when we finish the move. 

Just make sure that you are moving because you don't like the life, not because moving is an incredibly stressful event that takes a lot longer than a week. 

Also, check out the moving board and try a search.  There is a lot of information on here about shipping costs and some info on people's experiences with various companies.

Good luck.

I will check out the moving board too...thanks.
We are established here--both have jobs, friends, family---just feel out of place and miss Europe and all the things i've mentioned already.  It's crazy though, the more i think about the prospect of moving the more excited i get, yet the logical part of me is already preparing for yet ANOTHER visa process, shipping....and that in itself is so stressful, especially when we just did it in August.  I just wish i would have really thought about moving back the US--i just never thought i would feel so foreign upon my return.  Live and learn i guess.....thanks for you advice.