Before you move: Things to really think about **2006 UKY Topic of the Year**

Ok, my 'thing to think about' to add (and this is really my main thing):  Seriously think about whether you are going to like the weather?

LOL -- the rest of the stuff I struggle with 'cause I didn't really think about it, other than 'Gee how much different can it be?!'  LOL - and flew by the seat of my pants (and still do most days).  But I do believe that friends and what not will come along in time for me, if I'm patient and open to wait & see what happens.  It's all one big adventure.

* Think about that you will be living on an island quite far North.  The days are very short in the winter and living in constant darkness can be trying for some, especially if you are used to lots of sunshine.  The upside, is that Summer days go on forever!

In order to keep this more 'list like' I've moved the discussion bit to a new topic http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=25247.0.

The accent. Can you deal with people having trouble understanding you, and you having trouble understanding them? Remember that the UK has many different regional accents.

  The upside, is that Summer days go on forever!

The downside is that you may have trouble sleeping at first. It's hard to fall asleep when the sky never gets black, and it's  not always nice to be woken up at 4 AM by the birds singing and the sun brightly shining through your window.

* If moving over to be with a spouse -are they aware of what issues you may face?  Can you speak to them openly? Are they control freaks that insist you automatically do everything their way?  Or tell you everythign you do is wrong? Basically, do you have an open and healthy relationship? Moving countries is hard work and if your spouse is a horses patootee it will not help.

* Are you willing to seek professional help?  Many expats suffer from depression... not just sadness, but depression... they then try to "snap out of it" or "go it alone".  You need to be willing to ask for help and then follow through with that help sometimes.

For the ladies (certainly something I've had to consider) -- are you willing to have and raise a baby without your own mother/grandmother/family around long-term?

Lola, that is such a good point!!  Definitely something to think about!  For me, it has been difficult not having my family around.  They miss all the milestones in Isabella's life, that DH's family gets to experience.   Sometimes I feel she is being cheated because she doesn't get to be around her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins on my side.  I cry myself to sleep many nights over this.   

Yes, indeed a very good point.  Mine have been there for every birthday and we get Christmas with them every other year, but it is still very hard.
As a side note, also, you will find that in-laws might have different expectations of being a grandparent/aunt/uncle than your own families (though I think this has to do with a lot of factors).  No one on my husband's side bathes, changes nappies, really sits down to play or anything with the children.  My sisters bathe, change, play with and have the same awe and wonderment over them as we do. 
My MIL told us once that she would only watch our daughter after we put her to bed.  She also then said she wouldn't like to watch both of them at the same time (when number 2 came along).  Well,  we stopped asking her for any help at all and now we get comments like "I would like to take MY granddaughter out" (as if we were keeping them from her) ....can't win with some people.

I've had a British friend (married to a Brit as well) whose in-laws would leave the child in a messy nappy for hours until they came home. Some grandparents are wonderful here, tho, I know they provide most of the child care when the parents work.  That has got to be really nice to have around.

I guess at least mine don't interfere in a controlling way.

*Are you a complainter by nature?  Be prepared for it not to go over very well.  After all, you'd be put out if someone came to the US and did nothing but moan about it. 

There are differences, as with any move, and you've got to learn to be the 'go with the flow' type, especially in the presence of Brits.  Of course they are somewhat precious about their nation and don't enjoy its being slagged off endlessly same as you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Being an expat is a LOT about thinking before you speak.  It's just part of the deal.

*Are you commited?  If in the back or your mind, you're thinking that this is only temporary or you're going to be able to change your husbands mind about moving, then you're probably kidding yourself.  You'll find it hard to settle if you really haven't got the mindset that this is your new life and you've got to live it. 
If your husband has said he doesn't want to move to the US, he's probably not going to change his mind, and once you have a mortgage and babies and commitments that will get harder and harder. 

*Do you think you can change people?  The person you're marrying/moving to be with is NOT American.  They're not going to become American.  They aren't going suddenly start dressing/acting/talking and beleiving like an American.  If you have kids, they are not going to be American.  And you cannot recreat the 'American Experience'.  It doesn't exist and you're just going to make everyone unhappy with all your comparing.

*Are you creative?  You'll need to incorporate your own traditions into British ones.  You'll need to be able to find substitutions for food items you're used to.  And you'll need to look at new ways to celebrate holidays that are important to you.

Can you live on a tighter budget than you're used to?

Not only may you have a lower salary than you did in the US, but you may find that the cost of living in the UK is higher.  Don't assume that you will be able to dine out every week, or buy the latest fashions as soon as they show up in the shops.

*Are you commited?  If in the back or your mind, you're thinking that this is only temporary or you're going to be able to change your husbands mind about moving, then you're probably kidding yourself.  You'll find it hard to settle if you really haven't got the mindset that this is your new life and you've got to live it. 

If your husband has said he doesn't want to move to the US, he's probably not going to change his mind, and once you have a mortgage and babies and commitments that will get harder and harder. 

Husband/wife/partner/spouse....just to be inclusive! 

*Are you comfortable being far from family for holidays and major events?  Being separated from family during a time of crisis on either side of the ocean is highly stressful and difficult.

*Are you prone to depression?  Mental health care on the NHS is a long wait so be prepared to pay for private care. 

*Are you comfortable asking for help, being lost, confused and taking risks?  You'll be doing them all during the first year or so.

Be prepared for an adjustment period, especially when starting work.  For some people it hits right away and they feel out of their depth.  For some, it hits later. 

*Are you prepared to put in the time being depressed/ confused / feeling like you're on Mars--learning the very basics over again, like how to get the toilet to flush, how to change a lightbulb and even how to plug in your hair dryer and get it to work? Most expats would agree it takes about 2 years to get entirely through the transition. I've been here four and the first year is now a blur of confusion and a learning curve that did not curve at all but actually went straight up. (And I was an Anglophile who constantly read about and visited the UK!)  If you don't think you can handle going through feelings of homesickness while also struggling with those initial feelings of helplessness and sometimes utter stupidity, think twice before you come over.

*do you have any idea how hard it can be to find a job?!