I'm an about to be divorced UK wife of a USA husband

Hello

Sorry if my post is in the wrong place...i couldn't find anywhere that seemed appropriate.

My husband left on Christmas eve and i haven't had any contact since.

I don't know what i'm supposed to do now.I feel i've browsed every site on the net looking for details about divorce,custody and child care support etc with no straight answers.

I wonder if anyone has had any similar experience and has any advice where to start.

I'm not sure if i can just get divorced here in the UK or can my husband refuse? Can he start proceedings from the US and can i refuse.What about custody,childcare etc?

Any advice about maybe a website or any advice from personal experience would be much appreciated.

Thankyou

I would say your first step would be to contact an attorney so you can get the correct information you need and what steps you should take.

And I'm very sorry to hear about your situation.

I don't know California domestic law, but I believe he would have to establish some sort of residency before he could file there and then you would have to be legally served in the UK.

The main thing with your kids is to make sure he doesn't take them out of the country and then file for divorce, since custody matters can be determined by where they are residing when the divorce is filed.  You're pretty good having them there in the UK and the courts cannot force you to move your children to the US.  If he takes them during a visitation and manages to get them to the States, he can be in serious trouble and the kids would be returned to you in the UK as well, but it's a major hassle it's best to avoid in the first place.

At the moment, since he's gone and you don't even know where he is, you, I suppose, could take the first steps.  I would contact a lawyer or some legal aid of some sort to get a better idea of where you stand legally.  If he's employed in the UK, you're going to want to make arrangements for child support if nothing else.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and on Christmas Eve is adding insult to injury.

Thankyou for your replies.

I know he is at his parents house and they are all refusing to answer the phone etc.

I was very stupid and told him i wanted a divorce,i was very immature and i much regret it.I actually don't want to divorce him,but wondered what the implications would be if i didn't.

He is in Indiana.

Did you marry in the UK?

I know the US has a reciprocal agreement w/the UK regarding issues like child maintenance and custody.

Where are your children? 

He cannot remove them w/o your permission.  On either side.

You can put in the papers to divorce him from the UK. He must sign them though.

If he doesn't sign then there are certain time constraints that must be met, i.e. you have to be seperated for five years before you can file for divorce where he is not required to sign.

Though I don't know about Indiana divorce laws my brother's first wife was able to file for divorce in TX without him even knowing anything about it, (until he found out four years later via the internet)! There were no children in that relationship though.

As has been said, it is best to consult with a lawyer who specialises in this area especially where there are children involved - you need to cover all your bases.

Hi dragonfairy, so sorry to hear what you're going through.

You can file for divorce in the UK on one of the following grounds:

1. separated for 2 years, divorce by mutual consent;
2. Adultery;
3. Unreasonable behaviour;
4. Desertion (for minimum of 2 years);
4. Separated for 5 years, divorce without consent of one party.

The papers can be served on him in Indiana or where ever else he ends up.

As for custody, that can become complicated where one parent lives overseas but given that he has already walked out and left the country I'd say his chances of getting joint custody are not good.

Do the kids have US passports? If so, who has them, you or your husband? If he has them, you can obtain a court order to force him to surrender the passports.

I don't know what the situation might be in Indiana, however, as others have said he may be able to obtaion a divorce there without your consent.  As regards custody, again, I've no idea how Indiana would treat this situation but my gut instinct is that since he has left the children behind in Englan he'd be out of luck there.

However, as the others have said you are going to need to get specialised legal advice on this. If finances are an issue, contact CAB who can give you a list of legal aid lawyers in your area.  Please feel free to PM me if you have any more questions.

You can check here, http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/Indiana-Divorce-Laws-516.html for an overview of Indiana divorce laws.  In order to be able to file there, he has to be resident in the state for six months.

Not sure what is going on with the divorce laws because he is considered a resident of Indiana after 10 days.

Not sure if he can or can't prove that he is a resident with respect to if he had been in the Uk for more than six months or if he had residency ect...

He doesn't lose residency in Indiana unless he spent more than 5.5 months in another state or location of the previous year.

If he had been in the UK for over 5.5 months before you asked him for a divorce then he is not a resident of Indiana, however if he was here for less than that then he still is.

Not sure what is going on with the divorce laws because he is considered a resident of Indiana after 10 days.

Not sure if he can or can't prove that he is a resident with respect to if he had been in the Uk for more than six months or if he had residency ect...

He doesn't lose residency in Indiana unless he spent more than 5.5 months in another state or location of the previous year.

If he had been in the UK for over 5.5 months before you asked him for a divorce then he is not a resident of Indiana, however if he was here for less than that then he still is.

It's over a year since the original post, I expect she's fugured it out by now.