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Topic: Cultural differences in marriage?  (Read 17641 times)

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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #15 on: April 24, 2007, 04:48:17 PM »
No, I think it's a genuine cultural difference. In the States, I was out with a boyfriend one night at a bar and ran into a guy with whom I'd gone to both high school and university. We hadn't seen each other in years, so he grabbed me in a bear hug and swung me around. I think my boyfriend was a little jealous, but that quickly subsided when they both agreed that they hated Penn State.  ;D


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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #16 on: April 24, 2007, 05:14:18 PM »
My DB is very touchy/feely and talks about his emotions a lot....more so than most American men I have dated.  I have patted his friends on the back before and he did not get upset about it.  I will have to ask him about it though and see what he says. 
11/06-Met DH, while traveling on business in UK
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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #17 on: April 24, 2007, 05:20:41 PM »
I think it's just an individual difference. When I greet my bf's male friends, they always give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. And he does the same when greeting my female friends. Mekaw, it just sounds as though you've just got someone who doesn't feel comfortable with that sort of thing. No big deal. Everyone's different.
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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #18 on: April 24, 2007, 09:42:15 PM »
Hey, different cultures mean different ideas of how men and women expect eachother to act in a relationship.  Maybe it's my own social circle, but it seems to me that most English couples are less wrapped up in eachother's business than American couples I've known.  Meaning that they tend to have more complete lives outside of their relationships than American couples I've known.  DH is hugely supportive, by any standard.  But I'll be at lunch with a group of girls, talking about guys, and I'll find myself thinking... hmm... that relationship would feel very distant to me. 

I think it's cultural because no one else seems to think the situation is unusual.  Maybe we're all thinking the same thing and I don't realise it?

On the other hand, there's freedom with that as well.  It's different.

DH and my male friends can be paternalistic in ways that my American partners & friends never have been.  I take the p1ss about it, when necessary, but I have to admit that it's sweet at times.  If they want to buy me two halves when I want a pint, hey, it's up to them.  ;)  I also noticed that DH & his friends seem to expect me to be a bit... hmm... fiercer than I might naturally be with him. Like I should tell him off more, I guess.  And they apologise when they swear in front of me... even though they know through experience that I can turn the air blue with enough provocation.  Bush on TV or dropping a large & heavy object on my foot, for example.  And yet they apologise for mild expletives and look sheepish? 

That thing about the pat on the back, though, sounds like jealousy, pure and simple. Have things evened out?


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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #19 on: April 25, 2007, 02:02:56 AM »
Yes!  DF isn't very vocal about his feelings.  In person, I can see them (sort of--only because I have practice), but, if something bothers him, he tends to ignore it.  Drives me crazy!

Same with Lee. He's good at listening to other people talk about things, but not expressing his own feelings.

Our cultural differences seem to be tied in a lot to our time frame for doing things, I'm move at a faster pace and if someone says we're supposed to leave at 1, I try to be ready for 1. It seems like depending on what it is, people in the UK I've met are a little more laid back about time.


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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #20 on: April 25, 2007, 06:42:17 AM »
Same with Lee. He's good at listening to other people talk about things, but not expressing his own feelings.

Our cultural differences seem to be tied in a lot to our time frame for doing things, I'm move at a faster pace and if someone says we're supposed to leave at 1, I try to be ready for 1. It seems like depending on what it is, people in the UK I've met are a little more laid back about time.

That's interesting.  I'm pretty punctual, so are most Brits I know but my husband always leave everything til the last possible moment & is generally a bit late.


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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #21 on: April 25, 2007, 06:45:32 AM »
I'm also a procrastinator. Not a good habit, but there you have it.


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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #22 on: April 25, 2007, 07:00:53 AM »
I've also noticed that Brits are very easily embarrassed (remember what John Cleese said to Jamie Curtis in A Fish Called Wanda?). They seem much more concerned with what other people think of them.


Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #23 on: April 25, 2007, 07:16:28 AM »
I've also noticed that Brits are very easily embarrassed (remember what John Cleese said to Jamie Curtis in A Fish Called Wanda?). They seem much more concerned with what other people think of them.


I'd go along with that.  There's quite a difference in what my husband considers 'making a scene' or 'getting carried away' and what my interpretation is.  :)


Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #24 on: April 25, 2007, 07:21:01 AM »
I'd go along with that.  There's quite a difference in what my husband considers 'making a scene' or 'getting carried away' and what my interpretation is.  :)

Funny, we are the opposite.  Rich could care less and I embarrass easily.

However, Rich keeps things bottled up way to much and I say what I feel at the moment.

We are both really punctual, or early.


Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #25 on: April 25, 2007, 07:24:17 AM »
Funny, we are the opposite.  Rich could care less and I embarrass easily.

That's true.  Everytime we go out, I embarrass Stacey.  ;)  Maybe it's just me.

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We are both really punctual, or early.

And in my house we are both equally late.  And goodness knows my British kids are ALWAYS dawdling.


Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #26 on: April 25, 2007, 07:31:05 AM »
That's true.  Everytime we go out, I embarrass Stacey.  ;)  Maybe it's just me.

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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #27 on: April 25, 2007, 05:50:30 PM »
That thing about the pat on the back, though, sounds like jealousy, pure and simple. Have things evened out?
It was months ago and it was worked out the very next day.  He is jealous, but like I said before he made this seem like it was cultural.  Either way, I don't touch!  ;D

Punctual he's not! When we are expected at 1, we arrive at 3. :-[  It is expected by everyone that knows him that he is late for everything.  Drives me crazy, since I'm always on time.  When I visit he's better about it.

I've been trying to think of some other examples.  I remember in the beginning there seemed to be many things.  He's spent a great deal of time in the US so he is more familiar with our culture than I am to his and I used to have to remind him of that.  Not so much anymore.  I just think generally speaking there are cultural differences - gosh the history of the country alone is HUGE!  I still look at the walls in Southampton with an open jaw - thinking they are OLD!  But he just laughs at me now and knows I HAVE to go read the historical marker.


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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #28 on: April 25, 2007, 06:20:21 PM »
My husband (the Brit) and I are incredibly well suited for each other, and have very similar senses of humor.

When I first began to live in England, we often went out with another couple. The woman of the other couple was a childhood friend of my now husband.

The woman's boyfriend was nice, but really easy to wind up. I used to pinch his bum every time we saw each other. I made sure his girlfriend saw it too. The three of us laughed at her boyfriend squirming and looking uneasy.

Now since he knows his girlfriend doesn't care if I pinch his bum, he freely allows me to pinch away! (Just once per visit. That's my rule.)


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Re: Cultural differences in marriage?
« Reply #29 on: April 25, 2007, 11:35:42 PM »
I've been trying to think of some other examples.  I remember in the beginning there seemed to be many things.  He's spent a great deal of time in the US so he is more familiar with our culture than I am to his and I used to have to remind him of that.  Not so much anymore.  I just think generally speaking there are cultural differences - gosh the history of the country alone is HUGE!  I still look at the walls in Southampton with an open jaw - thinking they are OLD!  But he just laughs at me now and knows I HAVE to go read the historical marker.

Same here, a lot of differences I notice, he just takes for granted since he has grown up visiting the US. I can't get over the fact of doing day to day things in such historical buildings. I was in awe when we went shopping in Cambridge!


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