Hey, different cultures mean different ideas of how men and women expect eachother to act in a relationship. Maybe it's my own social circle, but it seems to me that most English couples are less wrapped up in eachother's business than American couples I've known. Meaning that they tend to have more complete lives outside of their relationships than American couples I've known. DH is hugely supportive, by any standard. But I'll be at lunch with a group of girls, talking about guys, and I'll find myself thinking... hmm... that relationship would feel very distant to me.
I think it's cultural because no one else seems to think the situation is unusual. Maybe we're all thinking the same thing and I don't realise it?
On the other hand, there's freedom with that as well. It's different.
DH and my male friends can be paternalistic in ways that my American partners & friends never have been. I take the p1ss about it, when necessary, but I have to admit that it's sweet at times. If they want to buy me two halves when I want a pint, hey, it's up to them.
I also noticed that DH & his friends seem to expect me to be a bit... hmm... fiercer than I might naturally be with him. Like I should tell him off more, I guess. And they apologise when they swear in front of me... even though they know through experience that I can turn the air blue with enough provocation. Bush on TV or dropping a large & heavy object on my foot, for example. And yet they apologise for mild expletives and look sheepish?
That thing about the pat on the back, though, sounds like jealousy, pure and simple. Have things evened out?