Author Topic: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???  (Read 6797 times)

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Offline CyberCeleste

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Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« on: June 06, 2007, 12:10:31 PM »
I just got word this morning that my uncle died last night.  He's the first of that generation and was relatively young... 62... he was fighting cancer for nearly three years now and a month ago, they stopped the chemo.  We knew it was coming but I guess it's always a shock.

My husband was especially close to him as they were both scientists and would spend hours in the corner talking science... the kind of stuff that always made my eyes roll to the back of my head!  But whatever, the formed a bond over it.

His funeral is coming up and now we've the big decision on what to do about it.  It's a major expense to fly the family home and I'm also 9 weeks prego.  Not to mention we've a holiday planed next week.  So it'd be a fly home for a weekend kind of thing.

I miss my family and would love to see everyone in one go... but it's such a sad occation to do so...

I'm at a loss as to what to do...

persephone

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2007, 12:19:30 PM »
Yuck!  I always hate these decisions.  I had to do this in April, because of my grandma's death.  She spent a lot of time helping raise me so it was only a question for me if my husband would go or not.  He could not get any time off work, so that sort of made it for us.  This may sound horrible, but I thought about it when I came over.  I made the decision before coming which funerals I'd go to and which I wouldn't.  Also, I had a plan of what to do when it did happen and I had to go.  We also set aside some 'emergency funds' for this situation.  (Not that this helps you now).  It sounds horrible, but when it happened, that always helped. 

All this was to say, (sorry, I'm long winded) that I think you have to assess how important the person was to you, and how important it is for you and your husband to be there?  I think that's how you find your answer.  I'm so sorry for your loss!
« Last Edit: June 06, 2007, 12:25:19 PM by persephone »

Offline new york new york

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2007, 12:23:59 PM »
First of all, I am so sorry.  It is so tough to be so far away in a situation like this.

What I would say is being 9 weeks pregnant, I wouldn't.  Between the flight and the stress of the death, it is a lot for you and the little one.  Maybe you can look at as one life ending and another one beginning....

I hope you are doing ok....

Offline CyberCeleste

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2007, 12:27:33 PM »
I made the decision before coming which funerals I'd go to and which I wouldn't.  Also, I had a plan of what to do when it did happen and I had to go. 

Yes, we knew before we came over how bad his cancer was... when my aunt would give us number counts and lots of big medical words, my husband (who did cancer research at that time) knew immediately that he would die from the cancer... just a matter of time.

I think we just kept saying, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Well here we are on the bridge and I'm not sure if we should go forward or go back!

Perhaps I should make a pros/cons list and go from there.

Offline CyberCeleste

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2007, 12:29:15 PM »
First of all, I am so sorry.  It is so tough to be so far away in a situation like this.

What I would say is being 9 weeks pregnant, I wouldn't.  Between the flight and the stress of the death, it is a lot for you and the little one.  Maybe you can look at as one life ending and another one beginning....

I hope you are doing ok....

Yes this is what my MIL is saying to me right now... everyone would understand as well, I'm sure... but like I said, I miss my family and would love to see everyone all at once.  Especially since everyone lives so far apart!  I think that's the hardest bit for me... there's some family that I might not get to see again for 10 years!

Offline CyberCeleste

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2007, 12:52:35 PM »
I went down and made myself a sandwich and thought, I'd better grab some fruit too... trying to eat better for this baby... and then it sorta hit me.  I'd be so upset if we lost this child, and no one's gonna fault us for not going.  I guess that's what's most important to me...

Thank you both for you words of comfort!

Offline tristessa

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2007, 12:56:17 PM »
No advice, but I'm so sorry to hear of your Uncle. My sympathies.

Offline CyberCeleste

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2007, 01:01:25 PM »
Thank you!

Kristina

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2007, 04:24:57 PM »
Sorry to hear about your uncle :(

Offline meggles

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2007, 04:40:35 PM »
guilt is horrible, isn't it?  even if your family is supportive of your decision not to come back for the funeral, you have this uncertain, nagging thought.

talk it over with your partner.  if you can do it, great.  if not, there are other ways to remember your uncle.  community service in his honor, a donation, a thoughtful letter. 

my thoughts are with you.   
If you harbour bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

SomedayInTheUK

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2007, 04:50:42 PM »
I went down and made myself a sandwich and thought, I'd better grab some fruit too... trying to eat better for this baby... and then it sorta hit me.  I'd be so upset if we lost this child, and no one's gonna fault us for not going.  I guess that's what's most important to me...

Thank you both for you words of comfort!

Also, I doubt your uncle would want you to risk your baby for his funeral. Yes, it is nice to be able to see family that you haven't seen in (and probably won't see for) a long time, but no one would fault you for considering that it isn't worth losing another life over. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I would agree that this is a hard choice, but I think you've made a good one.

Offline Dar

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2007, 04:57:20 PM »
I don't have any advice for you, but, I wanted to offer my condolences to both you and your family.
I am the architect of my destiny.

Offline CyberCeleste

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2007, 05:56:27 PM »
Thank you all for your kind words!  It is comforting to hear them!

Pebbles

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2007, 06:32:27 PM »
Sorry to hear of your loss.

Offline Courtney

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Re: Uncle died last night- Fly home for the funeral???
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2007, 06:34:44 PM »
I'm sorry for your loss. :(
The only meaning anything has is the meaning you give to it.       ~Author Unknown

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