Author Topic: What changes when you're married?  (Read 15385 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Meg.

  • *
  • Posts: 5625
  • Joined: Dec 2005
  • Location: North Yorkshire
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #15 on: June 20, 2007, 07:05:13 PM »
But, these past 5 months have been a real helping of humble pie (as C. is suporting me, first time I haven't made it on my own).

I agree - that part is HARD, and it only really gets better when you've got an income of your own again.  That said, part of marriage is supporting each other - I've had to let go of a lot of independence and rely on DH for things (both financial and otherwise) and I'd like to think it's brought us closer together.  Sort of like what Lola's saying....

Biggest change?  Having to remember that when people refer to "your husband," they're not talking to the person next to/behind/near me.  ;D

Offline zingyscholar

  • *
  • Posts: 837
  • Joined: Aug 2006
  • Location: Lancashire
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #16 on: June 20, 2007, 08:35:34 PM »
I think for me, I'm worried about the shift from mine and his to OURS.

Yeah, that can be tough. I am not a spendaholic, but my husband is definitely the one that keeps the budget so it is a good thing I have an account just for my personal spending (i.e. the non necessities). It certainly takes time to transition to the fact that your spending is about both of you, although hopefully you will both some way of ensuring you have some way of keeping some money your own. It is always a balance, isn't it?

Offline Mrs.Me

  • *
  • Posts: 42
  • Joined: May 2007
  • Location: London
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #17 on: June 21, 2007, 09:37:17 AM »
I think I have become more accommodating... Less "me" and lots of "we"... Or at least I try to make more of an effort for that to be the case.

Offline kate_mate

  • *
  • Posts: 1886
  • Joined: Sep 2006
  • Location: London
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #18 on: June 22, 2007, 07:52:31 PM »
Well, we're still in the honeymoon phase (married last October), but honestly being married has been so much better and more fun than we even imagined. It's been slightly difficult at times adjusting to living over here, and trying to find a job at first, but the being married part has been easy.

I think the biggest change for me is that I've become a lot better at picking my battles. Knowing that this is the long haul, I just don't find we have the energy for little fights. Of course, they happen from time to time, but not very often.

Offline jessicabeech

  • *
  • Posts: 62
  • Joined: May 2007
  • Location: Minnesota
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #19 on: June 23, 2007, 07:47:15 PM »
Our money situation is what really changed for us.  We used to fight a lot about bills and money.  It was a bit hard for me to adjust going from mine to ours.  Plus the fact that I have a spending problem didn't help (still working on that but I've become much better at it).

I felt more secure as well since we got married.  Things felt more comfortable and I didn't feel like I needed to impress him.  Sex life isn't what it used to be either.  Although that's mostly because we have a son that never sleeps and is extremely active so we're always exhausted.

Besides that there really wasn't anything else that changed for us.

Offline kathleen

  • *
  • Posts: 1929
  • Joined: Jan 2005
  • Location: scotland
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #20 on: June 24, 2007, 01:59:01 PM »
Not too much has changed for me.  But, in saying that, we have 2 young kids together, have bought our house already and have lived as a family for years now. 

Offline indy1794

  • *
  • Posts: 791
  • Joined: Nov 2007
  • Location: Worcestershire
  • Gender: Male
    • http://www.paoperations.co.uk
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #21 on: February 05, 2008, 04:31:05 PM »
Nothing really just the hassle of everyday life before it was more relaxed guess it was like being on holiday lol, now we are as much in love but the dealing without side stuff sometimes  bit of a pain.

We are more steady in our approach to things well until we suddenly realised my ILR is coming up soon and the months are going by like days all of a sudden, neither of us feels any differently just more together and more secure with everything in our relationship and we love being part of each others life and the kids.

We are both settled I guess though Sonya does complain when I manage to quote the aadverts off TV word for word.

Indy
I hope we get better weather with the new year I am getting rained out.

Good luck to everyone with respective visa applications.

Offline TykeMan

  • *
  • Posts: 3427
  • Joined: Jan 2008
  • Location: Barnsley, UK
  • Gender: Male
  • Liked: 2
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #22 on: February 05, 2008, 06:49:18 PM »
Well, I'm hoping it will mean an end to Trans-Atlantic visits for 10 days at a time  ;D

"We don't want our chocolate to get cheesy!"

Mint

  • Guest
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #23 on: February 05, 2008, 06:57:21 PM »
We've been married so long now I don't remember what it was like before we were married.  ;)

Offline Ms Mort if You're Nasty

  • *
  • Posts: 3821
  • Joined: Jan 2007
  • Location: London
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #24 on: February 05, 2008, 07:00:49 PM »
We didn't go through the "Mine + Yours = Ours" stage because due to what we do for a living, and because of how each of us lived prior to getting married, we never combined our finances. When it comes to money, we still keep it completely separate.

This, of course, is with the understanding that if one of us gets into financial difficulty, the other will have his/her back.
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
"Thank you for being a friend!"

otterpop

  • Guest
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #25 on: February 06, 2008, 06:18:30 AM »
because of how each of us lived prior to getting married, we never combined our finances. When it comes to money, we still keep it completely separate.

same here.

Offline MrsPink

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 5392
  • Joined: Feb 2006
  • Location: Alberta, Canada
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #26 on: February 06, 2008, 09:29:16 AM »
I think rather than looking at marriage as something that changes the relationship, it is more that marriage is part of the evolution of the relationship. 

DH and I never forget the anniversary of the day we met but we frequently forget our wedding anniversary and I think we've only celebrated that one 2 or 3 times in the time we've been married.

Riding the rollercoaster of life without a seat belt!

Offline Ms Mort if You're Nasty

  • *
  • Posts: 3821
  • Joined: Jan 2007
  • Location: London
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #27 on: February 06, 2008, 05:57:18 PM »
Well, I'm hoping it will mean an end to Trans-Atlantic visits for 10 days at a time  ;D



That it hopefully shall. :)  Not having to institute a countdown clock every few months or so was definitely a huge plus. ;D
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
"Thank you for being a friend!"

Offline DuckyFuzz

  • *
  • Posts: 2603
  • Joined: Apr 2008
  • Location: Hampshire
  • Gender: Female
  • "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves"
    • Lucky's Playlist
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #28 on: April 17, 2008, 03:40:49 PM »
I agree on this one...I am fiercly independent and its hard to adapt to begin with.....and its difficult when you are relied on for everything...but its only to begin with...once they have found their feet a little and are more confident in their actions here... it no longer becomes a problem...and I becomes us!

I think I have become more accommodating... Less "me" and lots of "we"... Or at least I try to make more of an effort for that to be the case.
I AM LIKE MARMITE - YOU EITHER LOVE ME OR HATE ME!
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. - William Arthur Ward.

MY MUSIC - http://www.playlist.com/playlist/12772939531/standalone

Providing entertainment since April 16, 2008, 05:07:08 PM effectionatly known to some as chubsie!

Offline LoveMyBrit

  • *
  • Posts: 834
  • Joined: Jun 2008
  • Location: Midlands, UK
  • Gender: Female
    • My Blog
  • Liked: 1
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #29 on: January 09, 2009, 08:06:17 PM »
I know I'm dragging up an old post, but I really enjoyed reasing the responses so far and can empathize with some of them only 69 days into marriage myself. Feeling more secure and less like I have someone to impress (the in-laws included) is a big one for me. In fact, it's nice to know they like me just because they do and not because I'm doing something to make them like me.

Also...I'm the one making the coffee a lot more now that we're married. Hehe. :-P
23 Jan 06 - Met Online
17 Jul 07 - ENGAGED!!! :-D
30 Jun 08 - Applied for Fiance Visa
22 Jul 08 - Received Visa
01 Aug 08 - Arrived in UK!
01 Nov 08 - MARRIED!!!
03 Nov 08 - In-person FLR(M) - GRANTED!!

19 Dec 09 - 1st son born :)

02 Oct 10 - KOL Passed
26 Oct 10 - ILR app (posted Special Delivery)
27 Oct 10 - online tracking confirmed delivery
30 Oct 10 - Confirmation via post
15 Nov 10 - ILR granted/documents returned!!!

05 Nov 13 - 1st daughter born :)