Author Topic: What changes when you're married?  (Read 15452 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline devinshire

  • *
  • Posts: 859
  • Joined: Nov 2008
  • Location: Glasgow
  • Gender: Female
    • My Flickr page
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #30 on: January 09, 2009, 11:17:02 PM »
I know I'm dragging up an old post

I'm glad you did!  I enjoyed reading all the responses, too.  Being only one month married now, I can't say that much has changed for us, but I definitely feel more secure.  Oh, and not having a wedding to plan is a most welcome change!
"Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?" ~Henry Ward Beecher


Offline Mrs. Tykeman

  • *
  • Posts: 74
  • Joined: Feb 2008
  • Location: South Yorkshire
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #31 on: January 12, 2009, 12:09:54 PM »
I think rather than looking at marriage as something that changes the relationship, it is more that marriage is part of the evolution of the relationship. 


That is very well said.  As I did have moments wondering if things would change between us, especially when you add changing countries in the mix.  Having been married before, I think I'm keen on recognizing fundamentals of a relationship going wrong.  And so far, I think our marriage relationship is evolving in a healthy way.


Offline Jewlz

  • is in the house because....
  • *
  • Posts: 8647
  • Joined: Jun 2008
  • Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne
  • Gender: Female
  • International Woman of Mystery
  • Liked: 2
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #32 on: January 12, 2009, 01:56:38 PM »
I love being married so far, though we have only been living together for 6 months, so I guess time will tell the full story.  I feel so secure, just knowing that I really picked the right person for me and that I won't be going through the whole "date him for a few months, then realize he is a loser" thing that I went through for so long.  And I love the intimacy and telling each other everything, and having my best friend there with me every day.  I was always the girl who said I never wanted to get married, too, but I wasn't one bit nervous when I walked down the aisle.  I knew I was making the best decision of my life. 
So far, being married is so much better than before we were married.  I think maybe we were both a little nervous and insecure when we were going through our LDR, but after a year of that, we knew we could make it through anything, and once we were married and I moved over here, we both felt so much more at ease.   [smiley=love.gif]

Offline Mrs Robinson

  • British & American
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 15572
  • Joined: Feb 2005
  • Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire
  • Gender: Female
  • In Yorkshire's Green & Pleasant Land!
  • Liked: 2
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #33 on: January 12, 2009, 03:21:17 PM »
I don't remember the 'changes right after we were married' too much anymore...we'll have our 5-year wedding anniversary this coming August.  Neither of us really wanted to get married, but it was a legal necessity due to the transatlantic romance aspect of our relationship - in order for us both to be together in the same country.  If not for that, we'd probably have been long term partners rather than getting married -- for me, because I was married unsuccessfully twice before, and for DH - because I was married twice unsuccessfully before (lol!) and also because he didn't see the real NEED to get married.  His brother & brother's girlfriend have been together for years & years, and they're not married and have no plans to.

But you know what, we are both so glad we did get married!  I know five years isn't that long, but in each of my previous marriages, I was in divorce court before five years rolled around.  And with us, we are just as much in love and probably even more so actually, than the day we married.  Mostly what I remember about changes after marriage, with this marriage, is that it's just got better & better as time has gone by.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

- from Anthem, by Leonard Cohen (b 1934)

Offline Jewlz

  • is in the house because....
  • *
  • Posts: 8647
  • Joined: Jun 2008
  • Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne
  • Gender: Female
  • International Woman of Mystery
  • Liked: 2
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #34 on: January 12, 2009, 09:11:01 PM »
And with us, we are just as much in love and probably even more so actually, than the day we married.  Mostly what I remember about changes after marriage, with this marriage, is that it's just got better & better as time has gone by.

Awwww.... I just got all warm and fuzzy inside!   [smiley=smitten.gif]  That's great, I am so happy for you!

Offline sakura

  • *
  • Posts: 168
  • Joined: Sep 2007
  • Location: London
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #35 on: January 19, 2009, 09:08:57 AM »
Neither of us really wanted to get married, but it was a legal necessity due to the transatlantic romance aspect of our relationship - in order for us both to be together in the same country. 

This is really the only reason why we got married.  Everyone scoffs at us for saying it so candidly.  We both would have been perfectly content living together (not that we aren't content now).  We have been married for over a year but have only lived together for 5 of those months.

Finances changed for us.  We were both really independent and when we got married he felt that since he was the "man," he should take care of it and I should trust him.  It took many many weeks of arguing before the dust finally settled on that one.

But you know you ease into those changes and before you know it, you don't remember what you did before that.  ;)

Offline TykeMan

  • *
  • Posts: 3427
  • Joined: Jan 2008
  • Location: Barnsley, UK
  • Gender: Male
  • Liked: 2
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #36 on: January 25, 2009, 05:06:30 PM »
The porn collection goes!  ;D
"We don't want our chocolate to get cheesy!"

Offline medivisas

  • *
  • Posts: 14601
  • Joined: Sep 2005
  • Liked: 2
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #37 on: January 25, 2009, 05:18:30 PM »
The porn collection goes!  ;D

Hers or yours?

 ;)


Vicky

Offline DuckyFuzz

  • *
  • Posts: 2603
  • Joined: Apr 2008
  • Location: Hampshire
  • Gender: Female
  • "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves"
    • Lucky's Playlist
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #38 on: January 26, 2009, 12:58:33 AM »
I AM LIKE MARMITE - YOU EITHER LOVE ME OR HATE ME!
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. - William Arthur Ward.

MY MUSIC - http://www.playlist.com/playlist/12772939531/standalone

Providing entertainment since April 16, 2008, 05:07:08 PM effectionatly known to some as chubsie!

Offline LipBalmAddict

  • *
  • Posts: 1010
  • Joined: Sep 2006
  • Location: SW London
  • Gender: Female
  • British and Texan (and ape)
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #39 on: January 27, 2009, 09:16:01 PM »
DH and I lived together for two years before we married.  We haven't combined finances (though we split all the bills 50/50) and I have only change my name socially, not legally.

However, the day after we got married, I had a warm and fuzzy feeling about him that I hadn't had before, and I felt a lot more protective of him (not that he needed protecting).

The coolest thing (even after 2 years of marriage) is when I hear him refer to me as his wife.

And to think that at one time, I used to be a radical feminist who thought that marriage was irrelevant!  (And neither of us *needed* to get married to stay in the UK as we each have the right to live here based on our respective situations, but if we had to do so, we certainly would have done with no qualms.)

Offline Cherokee

  • *
  • Posts: 290
  • Joined: Aug 2004
  • Location: Northampton
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #40 on: February 05, 2009, 05:57:36 AM »
Hers or yours?

 ;)


Vicky

*cough* sometime neither's  ;D

Offline Ms Mort if You're Nasty

  • *
  • Posts: 3821
  • Joined: Jan 2007
  • Location: London
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #41 on: February 05, 2009, 11:13:31 AM »
We also probably wouldn't have gotten married if it wasn't for the visa. At least not then. And we probably wouldn't be together now, if we weren't.

We went through some really difficult time in the past year, and I think if we hadn't been married, one of us would have thrown in the towel.
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
"Thank you for being a friend!"

Offline sevans

  • *
  • Posts: 1769
  • Joined: May 2007
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #42 on: February 05, 2009, 01:41:33 PM »
We also probably wouldn't have gotten married if it wasn't for the visa. At least not then.

Same here. We got married very young (in my opinion) because of the visa thing. I never thought I'd marry at 24, but we felt that we had no choice.

But we've been married for 10 years now, so I guess it was the right decision.  ;D

Offline missjoules

  • *
  • Posts: 511
  • Joined: Sep 2008
  • Location: Sheffield
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #43 on: March 03, 2009, 04:16:07 PM »
I've only been married since December, but the only change I've noticed are that where I used to (jokingly) tell my fiance when he was being annoying that I would go back home to the US, I now threaten divorce. :D

I was here on a fiancee visa so I got used to being supported and we have never fought about money. As a matter of fact, now that I have my FLR and *can* work, I'm not. We're getting a puppy and talking about babies. It's nice to know that he is willing to and can support me, but it's not something we needed to be married to learn.

Offline Jas

  • *
  • Posts: 28
  • Joined: Sep 2008
  • Location: Hillingdon London
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #44 on: April 14, 2009, 04:39:56 PM »
Uhhhh I don't even know were to start. I am married to my sweetheart..... we have been togather since I was 17 and now Iam 23 going on 24th and married nearly 3 years. I have been here for 9 months and moved in with his parents nearly 2 months ago. what certainly changed is that my husband does not pick up after himself anymore. He expects dinner after I came from work than does not wash his dishes anymore (he use to before when we were in sharing) Does not opened the door for me anymore and sex went down to once every week and half :) I was diagniosed with PCOS and gain a few pounds and I don't like dressing up anymore because cloths don't fit right so that's another things. we use to fight abiout money everyday but I have my own account he has his own and than we have own saving in which we put 20% of our income( that helped alot I must tell you) definatly have seperate accounts. and although we love each other to pieces he hardly says ever I love you anymore I can seriously count how many times with in the past 8 Months :)
Never, "for the sake of peace and quiet," deny your own experience or convictions.