Author Topic: What changes when you're married?  (Read 15772 times)

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Offline Mrs Robinson

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Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #60 on: August 03, 2011, 06:03:16 PM »
My focus on equitable division is because I have heard many ladies say or imply that because their financial contribution was less, they didn't feel like they could ask their husband for more help around the house....

Heh - I ask my husband for help with anything & feel no guilt whatsoever!  I uprooted a reasonably nice life in the US & gave up a country for him, after all.  ;)

We just do it whatever it takes to get it all done.  All our money goes into one account and we pay the bills out of it.

That's us!  All for one & one for all.  (It never all gets done.  ;))  But there's good, and then there's good enough - lol!
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

- from Anthem, by Leonard Cohen (b 1934)

MaryKate

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Re: What changes when you're married?
« Reply #61 on: August 03, 2011, 07:36:05 PM »
Just to be clear, there are no spreadsheets or graphs representing the division of labor. I am not that crazy... yet.

My focus on equitable division is because I have heard many ladies say or imply that because their financial contribution was less, they didn't feel like they could ask their husband for more help around the house. Kind of, "he gets to go to the gym while I clean, because he pays the mortgage and has to be happy when he gets up for work tomorrow." Or, "he works all day at a hard job, and I'm just home with two kids, so that's why he goes to the gym while I make dinner and wrangle babies."

Everybody has to do their own thing, and it's never smart to judge what goes on behind closed doors, but when invited to ramble, this is how I ramble, because I don't think anyone should feel like they have less of a voice in a relationship, just because they don't earn as much.

And no, I have no idea why these people are always going to the gym in my imagination... they just are!

I ask my husband for unreasonable things all the time. That's why I married him dagnammit! I feel zero guilt :)

I'm the main wage earner and I do all the cooking, because if I didn't we'd eat... I don't know, but let's just say that it wouldn't be good! Or ALOT ofPizza. 
I probably wont be the breadwinner forever, because he'll stop being a student at some point and get a job, at this point I'll still ask for unreasonable things because he signed up for it when he married me, tough tamales, also he makes me go miles across London to visit cycle shops where he has no intention of buying anything and watch really dull documentaries about waste management, so fair is fair :)

If I'm home, I'll do laundry, if he is, he will. If the flat looks like a bombsite, we'll both either
1. Do our best to ignore it
2. Clean it.

I just think it doesn't need to be thought of so much. If your house is a mess and you're home, do some housework, stop when you think you've done enough and everything works out pretty evenly with the person who has the most free time doing most of the cleaning, regardless of wages and earning and no one feeling like they're put upon as It's really only when people are either martyrs or really resentful that it causes an issue, just don't let it get to that stage.