Overbearing Mother in Law

Just wondering if any other American's are dealing with overbearing in-laws.

I'm married to my Brit and have lived here for nearly 2 years.  For the last year and a half we have been about a 30 minute drive from the in-laws.  MIL is a bit of a drama queen and likes to play mother hen to the 100th degree.  She's actually told me her dream is that all her 3 kids and their spouses would buy houses on her street and the kids would spend every afternoon with her.

This morning my DH mentioned that his mum has bought some new garden furniture and wants all of us to come over and cook a BBQ for her Sunday.  I said that I wasn't all that keen.  Part of this was because we spent this Wedns night with them (after I was expected to cancel pre existing plans with a friend) and we are going to theirs next Saturday for another event.  Hubby got upset that I wasn't keen on just going this weekend and we had a row.

I think at the heart of it, i do enjoy spending time with them, but when there is an expectation that we must see them every weekend and give up one of two days off work per week that I really resent it.

Anyone else dealing with this?  Ideas on how to handle the overwhelming Northern Mum?

To be fair, my FIL is fantastic and doesn't mind if we can't make it. 

Well my MIL is certainly not overbearing in anyway, but they are a close family who has dinner together EVERY friday night.  I don't mind most friday's because it's kind of nice to have someone else cook a nice meal after a week at work.  What annoys me is when DH makes me feel bad because once every few months I make plans with colleagues to go out after work or I just want to sit at home and relax.  I also can get annoyed when in addition to Friday night we are expected to pop by for tea/brunch over the weekend.  I try just to be honest with DH and say that I was hoping to do XYZ and going over to his parents will be a bit difficult to fit in to the weekend.  Or that I need to do something around the house/with friends, but he can go over on his own.  Sometimes it's fine, other times DH gets annoyed at me....oh well!
Good luck!

I think the key is negotiation and flexibility between you and hubby. Perhaps you could explain to him what your other priotities are and negotiate between what you both identify as important?

Best of luck!

IMO, overbearing mother in laws come from everywhere. But not all MILs are.

Set some boundaries. For instance I don't think you should be expected to change your plans with friends for a last minute thing with his parents.  And you shouldn't be expected to go there EVERYtime he wants to go.  I don't go to Sunday dinner at my MIL's anymore.  I see them almost everyday and felt myself starting to resent the time spent there all afternoon on a Sunday when I had other stuff to do.  So, we agreed that Sunday is now my day and everybody else goes and enjoys Grandma's cooking every other Sunday.  It works for everybody.

Tell your hubby that he is welcome to go but don't expect you'll be there every single time. My MIL has family dinners and such all the time and a lot are last minute. I used to go every time but now only occasionally make it. DH and DD usually go and I enjoy the time I get to myself.

My MIL and I don't really mesh that well so I don't think she minds that much.

I'm with Dawn. Couldn't there be something else you just really need to do?

I had an overbearing Mother out-law (we werent' married), and that's how I dealt with it. I just had hobbies that demanded my attention occasionally.

I'm with Dawn. Couldn't there be something else you just really need to do?

I had an overbearing Mother out-law (we werent' married), and that's how I dealt with it. I just had hobbies that demanded my attention occasionally.

Grumpyjet, the last response in this thread before your response was in May 2008, so it's nearly a year and half old. I'm not sure the OP is on the forum much anyway, or doesn't post very often if she is. Sorry!

Gosh, I was dredging, wasn't I LOL.

It was a slow news day yesterday LOL