UK Husbands -- How Is Your US Wife Adjusting?

Just curious to hear from any UK guys on here about how your wife is coping with being in the UK. What does she like/dislike about it, and how are you handling everything? Just a general discussion on this topic and matters arising...

I think the percentage of Brit men on this site is pretty small - maybe too small to give you much of a representative snapshot.

You could always ask the American wives how they think they coped and what it meant to the relationship.... 

For instance, I became a clingy, dependent shadow of my former self for about 6 months and we fought like cats and dogs. Once we got over that bit - I put a life together for myself that didn't involve him and so claimed back some independence - our relationship was stronger than ever and has been ever since.....

I didn't come over because of a partner. But I met my DH here and once we moved in together and I started having to follow him around because of jobs and schools, it became harder for me to adjust and like Anne, I became (and still am to some degree) too dependent upon my DH for company.

It can be a very hard adjustment for some but not impossible!

Being the Brit wife of a U.S Citizen living here in the UK, I think I can say that its not just American women that have a problem adjusting..I think that no matter what relationship Husband / Wife they both have a equal problems adjusting at first. Its a huge thing to upsticks and travel to live in another country, emotionally, physically and financially...There are bound to be a few little problems here and there.  Its all part of adjusting.

Are you asking the question because your wife is finding it a little difficult at the moment?  What problems are you discovering?

They haven't moved over yet - I think he is just looking to see what the problems could be.

Vicky

Are you asking the question because your wife is finding it a little difficult at the moment?  What problems are you discovering?

We're still in the US, in the fairly early planning stages, so all problems at this stage a purely hypothetical. And yeah, I probably could have worded this thread title more inclusively -- I have just been struck by the feeling that the overwhelming number of people on here are part of a UK husband/US wife couple. Probably false.

I have just been struck by the feeling that the overwhelming number of people on here are part of a UK husband/US wife couple. Probably false.

There are quite a few UK husband/US wife couples on the forum - it's just that the UK husbands don't come on the site/post very often (the majority of posters here are female), so you're more likely to get replies from the US wives than the UK husbands .

I have just been struck by the feeling that the overwhelming number of people on here are part of a UK husband/US wife couple. Probably false.

No, probably true, actually!  It's just that usually it's the US wife that joins the forum, rather than the UK husband.

xposted with ksand24.

if your still wondering...for me being the us wife..i like to consider myself pretty socially capable and not bothered by small stuff but ive been in edinburgh for almost 4 months and for sure became and still am a bit on the very needy insecure side...i seem to need to be with my husband all the time which he doesnt mind..but still,since when can i not make friends and have a good time?i lived in europe for years and encountered something like this but i think here its cos its all his friends and his family/familiar to him and not me.
its really weird how it works but i think the important thing is having some thing that seems like your own,which i have yet to do and am considering taking up knitting.
i have started to feel more comfortable being an american here though,or maybe im taking less sh*t for saying things like "dish soap" instead of "washing up liquid"!
best of luck though!

As an american wife, i think the hardest adjustment came when i was looking for a job.  After 2 masters and a very good career in government in DC, it was pretty devastating to only find PA work for a fourth of my old salary.  Eventually after spending nearly a year temping i did find a permanent post back in government.  It was a step back professionally and financially but now over 14 months into the job i'm getting back to where i was in 2006 and my salary is not far off what i used to be making.

Hubby was very supportive, but i won't lie and say we didn't have fights, especially when i was working a series of low paying jobs and being asked to make coffee and tea.  Soul destroying

As an american wife, i think the hardest adjustment came when i was looking for a job.  After 2 masters and a very good career in government in DC, it was pretty devastating to only find PA work for a fourth of my old salary.  Eventually after spending nearly a year temping i did find a permanent post back in government.  It was a step back professionally and financially but now over 14 months into the job i'm getting back to where i was in 2006 and my salary is not far off what i used to be making.

Hubby was very supportive, but i won't lie and say we didn't have fights, especially when i was working a series of low paying jobs and being asked to make coffee and tea.  Soul destroying

Yes!  This.

I'm still adjusting and its been over 4 years.  Basically very settled here.  But I still have no girlfriends.  I left two friends that I would hang out with and one sister.  All I cannot replace.  Even through work, I have no friends that I can shop with or go to a movie or dinner with, without my hubby.  All my friends here were his first.  Work has not been a problem really.  I sometimes get a more standoffish attitude which is happening at the job I'm in now.  But even that is getting better.  It just takes a bit more patience. 

I was used to a strong sibling influence before.  I have three brother and one sister.  My sister and I spoke every day and saw each other a few times a week even though she married first.  Eight nieces/nephews back home.  Here two step kids (lovely - usually) one sister in law that lives next door to inlaws.  We don't hang out.  Its just not gonna be that way.  My inlaws are wonderful.  I could not have found better.  My husband has been so great.  In fact I'd like him to go out more on his own should he wish it.  I've encouraged him to go out with his kids without me sometimes.  But when I go shopping on my own for a bit of therapy I don't enjoy as I might have thought I would. 

I need to be more independent for errands and stuff. I drive but not here.  But I'm getting there.  Best of luck to you both.  Stay connected to this site.  It will help you both in so many ways.  Talk to you again soon.  Take care.

I have been here for 9 years as the wife of a Brit, and not to sound like all oh my life is so great and all that crap, but you know what. I think it is. I fell into some really fantastic things since I came here, for me, the trick was to be proactive. I got a job right away, and I am still with the same people. A group of us been taken through 3 different Ad Agencies with my boss, who is one of my closest friends, this for me has meant fantastic career progression and basic life progression. I don't earn the big bucks, but the progression for me has been great. When I had my son, that opened a whole load more doors for me, I met tons more people, and everything got even better than it already was! I have been right at home here since the day I got here. How lucky am I?? I still feel very close to my family in the states, we talk every day, if not two or three times a day, and I see my parents about 4 times a year. IMO My quality of life here is really great, I don't believe I could have this good of a quality of life, not to mention my social life in the states. I am a happy bunny really! How lucky a girl am I???

Like Racheee my friends initially were my husband's friends.  I got a job straight away after moving over to try and keep myself busy and get out of the house, then moved on to another job that I liked better.  I ended up quitting that job after I had my daughter last year and a lot of the friends I made there, we just drifted apart.  However, having my daughter I believe is one of the best things that happened to me on so many levels.  I've made my own friends and retain some of DH's friends.    We've started arranging our own Mum & baby meets as well as going to ones locally.  I've also met my own friends through the baby groups in our village, so I'm moving on.

I've always been a bit of a loner from my family; I never really seemed to miss anyone, or I've always been able to cope.    My Dad and siblings help arrange webchats so they can see us and our daughter every so often.  Its not the same, but it makes it easier for them.  I call often and that seems to help too.

Personally, I really enjoy living here and I feel the UK is more my home than the US.  I think a good deal of how you cope is affected by your perspective on life.  If your wife is really reluctant to leave the US she may have  harder time (make it harder on herself) to adjust.  I'm not saying she'll have to throw away her life in the US and love every aspect of British culture, but be willing to embrace the UK, sarcasm & all.     Having family nearby can help. 

As an american wife, i think the hardest adjustment came when i was looking for a job.  After 2 masters and a very good career in government in DC, it was pretty devastating to only find PA work for a fourth of my old salary.  Eventually after spending nearly a year temping i did find a permanent post back in government.  It was a step back professionally and financially but now over 14 months into the job i'm getting back to where i was in 2006 and my salary is not far off what i used to be making.

Hubby was very supportive, but i won't lie and say we didn't have fights, especially when i was working a series of low paying jobs and being asked to make coffee and tea.  Soul destroying

I got the biggest laugh from your soul destroying comment. Things are a little different here.