Flatmate's boyfriend is staying over too much!!!!

So I'm sharing a flat with 2 other people. It's a 2 bedroom flat with the living room converted into a 3rd bedroom. I'm sharing with a 30 yo woman and a 21 yo guy. I'm 22 myself and I found the ad on gumtree so I didn't know my flatmates beforehand. Anyways, the guy isn't really a problem but the woman is. I find her rather unpleasant because she acts as the "mom" of the house (not in a good way). I don't know if she's doing it because she's much older than us or that she has lived in the flat for the longest. The guy and I both moved in around the same time in September and the woman has lived here for over 2 years now. Anyways, a lot of the things I can overlook (i.e. assigning cleaning task and setting up a cleaning schedule because she thinks the guy and I don't clean the common areas enough (like every week); asking us (unsuccessfully) to contribute to the TV license even though neither me nor the guy has a TV) but the fact that her boyfriend is staying over so much is really really getting on my nerves! I know for a fact that he has stayed over EVERY night this week. And generally I would say he stays over at least 4 nights a week. Since there's no living room, it's not as big of a problem. He is usually in her room or with her in the kitchen. Anyways, I want to talk to her about it, but I don't know how to approach it. She likes to leave notes on the kitchen table about everything, so I don't know if I should write her a note or confront her in person (although I really do not enjoy talking to her). I don't want us to hate each other, cos I do share the common areas with her, that's why this is so hard!! What do you guys think I should do?? Thanks for reading!!

Why don't you ask the third roommate how he feels about it? If he's also annoyed by the constant staying over, it would give you more leverage in approaching her.

My roommate's boyfriend came "for a visit - just a week or two" and never left.    I had to insist that the rent/utilities be split three ways - she didn't want to do it.  He's still there, but now I spend most of my time at my bf's house.  (who luckily doesn't have a roommate to deal with)

Don't leave notes, it's so passive aggressive and annoying.  I know she does it but you should probably try be the bigger person.  I'd just have a word with her and ask if it's going to be a regular thing.  Just curious though, why's it so bad that he stays over?   

I had this problem when I was living abroad.
Normally I wouldn't care but when you have roommates/flatmates you usually have rules between you guys.  When they have a guest over, usually, they don't have to or want to follow those rules.  Cleaning after one person is enough, cleaning after another when you don't have to is another.  For me it got so bad that her boyfriend was eating my food and making a mess out of the toilet and never cleaning after himself.
I think if it really bothers you, you should be frank with her and tell her why it bothers you.  Skip the note and confront the issue head on.  If she made all these rules already, it's not really unreasonable of you to make some rules of your own.

I agree...what does the other flatmate think about the situation? What about house rules for everyone to follow with overnight guests? And is it just him staying over or other issues such as food or errr 'noise'? The clearer you can be with your concerns the better.

I will ask my guy flatmate when he comes back from vacation. We did talk about it before (me and the guy) and we were like why the hell does he stay over so much but we didn't talk to her about it. I didn't really have an issue with him staying over (a lot) before because there's no 'noise' problems and that he only really stays in her room, but one time I had to go to work in the morning (I work part-time so I have my own hours), I needed to take a shower and the bf was in the bathroom for 20 minutes so I had to wait! I don't believe it's fair that I have to wait for the bathroom because someone who doesn't pay rent is using it! It was 8am and for those of you who have to be at work by 9/9.30 knows it's golden bathroom time!! I gave him an extremely annoyed look when he got out (half naked in a towel) and he stopped staying over for a week or so. That was a month ago but now he's staying full-on. He's been here every night for the past 10 days. Some of you might think I'm petty but hey I'm human!! (and it's not like the woman is that nice to me!)

We didn't make any house rules regarding anyone staying over, but I feel like it's general courtesy not to have someone stay over for more than 4 nights a week unless someone's in town or something (at least that's how I usually view it).

Sorry forgot to add something: another reason why this bothers me is that an extra shower uses up all the hot water we have, so if I'm the last one of the day to shower, I don't get any hot water!! (The boiler makes hot water at night and stores it for use during the day, there's a heat boost button when hot water runs out but it heats up the whole apartment and the ventilation in the common area is already poor! And not to mention unnecessary electricity cost which I'll have to pay for!! The landlord pays for water, I bet he won't be happy if he knows about this! Ha!)

This is why I have a golden rule about roommates- we must be sleeping together (read: only my own boyfriend). I don't do well with common areas/sharing/dealing with other people's messes that I can't tell outright what I feel about it.

I hope something gets worked out. I would speak to her in person. I don't know how it is there, but if someone was living pretty much full time in a flat that isn't on the lease agreement, there can be legal problems, I think.

I agree that it would be better to just talk to her about it, rather than start a mass of notes back and forth over it. Most times conversation can resolve things quicker, and sometimes I think people will say things more harshly in writing than they would in person. Less chance of misunderstandings in my experience. Do you and the two flat mates split the utilities? Meaning is it costing you more to have him there so much? That would be a concern for me.

We split the electricity and phone/internet bills. Thanks for all your advice. I'll have a chat with her once I ask my other flatmate how he feels about it.

I don't think you are being petty at all.  You arranged to move in with a guy and a girl, not a guy and a couple.  It always ends up with the couple dominating when this happens, which always spells someone being excluded.  Good luck.

Vicky

If he's staying there more than 50% a week, he should have to be included in the split of the bills. My roommates bf moved in and now we split everything three ways. Now his little sister is staying there too, and if she doesn't leave soon I'm going to talk about splitting the bills again.