How to handle overbearing neighbors?

We have neighbors that are wonderful, sweet people and we like them a lot, we could not ask for better neighbors, they even called to alert me when someone was trying to break into our house. They've borrowed tools, we talk when we're out in the yard, ect.

The problem is they (mainly the young wife) want to take the neighborly relationship to a level I don't want - we have a ton of family close by and between my/his close friends we have a very full circle.

Their home country has a culture where neighbors are treated like close family and well, we don't feel the same. I enjoy having good relationships with my neighbors but I don't
want someone that watches my every move and expects me to come over all the time and feels like they can drop in whenever they feel like it. We are "call before you come over people" and we give the same courtesy. It's getting to the point I feel I have to sneak out whenever I go somewhere in the evenings or on the weekend. Between DD/DH, working full time and going to school part time my spare time is precious to me.

The wife does not work, stays home all day, ect. His parents also live with them. I really feel bad because she wants a relationship like we are best friends but I just don't feel the same - we just don't click like that. My two best friends and I talk about once or twice a month and see each other every couple of months - we are all busy and this suits us just fine, these are two ladies I've known 20+ years - and I'm not one to have a lot of close relationships anyway, I prefer it that way.

The hints are not being received and I don't want to hurt her feelings but I'm at a loss of what to do.

Do you not want to spend any social time with her at all, or you're just unhappy with how much time she wants to spend together?

Cause the latter is easier to handle diplomatically than the former, unfortunatly.

I think my first post sounded kind of harsh. It's not really that I mind spending time with her, she's a very sweet person. I have invited her out for coffee or to go to a movie on a couple of different occasions. I really like her as an acquaintance  but honestly I just don't want anything more than that - I don't feel we mesh well enough to be close friends and I don't have a whole lot of spare time to go around. Seeing her socially occasionally is something I would enjoy but I think the expectations are just different. Where she is originally from everyone is very close - neighbors included - come over anytime and often. We are more the "call before you come over type" just due to the fact we have such full schedules during the week and the weekends are usually family-time, cleaning the house, ect.

I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but on the other hand I don't want to fake a friendship that isn't there.

Well, what if you take the initiative here? Tell her that you enjoy spending time with her very much and what a shame it is that the two of you have been so busy and overwhelmed to do so, so how about we [you and her] make it a regular thing to get coffee/lunch/movie/shopping every week/two weeks/month/year/never.

That makes it sound that you're eager to spend time together but just don't have the time and makes it so much easier to say, when she pushes, how busy you are and only if you could but you're so looking forward to your next regularly scheduled social interaction.

I'd be very careful about suggesting that if you should continue to horn in on your life, if you just were so busy a the moment.

All she'll hear is that you fully intend to reciprocate with the same level of "togetherness". Full Stop.

Being rejecting (and rejecting someone's attention) is always a bit "sucky-woo", so my suggestion is to be a little repetitive with your declines--with a twist. For instance, next time she accosts you, say "oh hi, I'd love to chat, but I've got to dash. How about I ring you in a week or two? Cheers."

That stops her in her tracks and lets her know you're busy for awhile and puts you in control. No point her showing up or ringing until you do now. Totally innocent. When you ring in a week or two, say "hi, just have 5 minutes to catch up...yada, yada". Then get off the phone in 5 minutes. Rinse and repeat.

Now you're setting the terms by which you want to relate to her. A quick wave, a 2 minute chitchat, a cuppa now and again. Repetition will make it sink in and you may be surprised that she eventually comes to see you as you are. A nice neighbor acquaintance. Not a soul mate to glum onto.

...my suggestion is to be a little repetitive with your declines--
 next time she accosts you, say "oh hi, I'd love to chat, but I've got to dash. How about I ring you in a week or two? Cheers."

That stops her in her tracks and lets her know you're busy for awhile and puts you in control.

Men are very good at doing this with women, have you noticed?   

Men are very good at doing this with women, have you noticed?   

LOL, "So, I'll call you, k?"

Lol, otherwise known as "the brush off". 

I think the hint has been taken, been pretty quiet.

Well done, Dawn!