Author Topic: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy  (Read 11346 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline LipBalmAddict

  • *
  • Posts: 1010
  • Joined: Sep 2006
  • Location: SW London
  • Gender: Female
  • British and Texan (and ape)
  • Liked: 0
"The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« on: March 31, 2009, 05:11:15 PM »
Does anyone follow this (or try to follow it)?

I read the book a few years ago and signed up to the author (Laura Doyle)'s free mailing list:

http://www.surrenderedwife.com/surrendered_wife_support.html

I enjoy reading Doyle's periodic emails with reminders and tips on surrendering.

Doyle has also written a book for single women looking to attract a partner by being less controlling and more relaxed within the dating process, which she claims is more likely to result in marrying Mr. Right as well as having fun along the way:

http://www.surrenderedsingle.com/

Offline Shahbanou

  • Bamboozled
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 18728
  • Joined: Sep 2003
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2009, 05:45:18 PM »
I think we had a thread about this a while back, I'll see if I can find it. To be honest, I find it a very backward and outdated philosophy, but each to their own I guess.

Offline hatsumomo

  • *
  • Posts: 1105
  • Joined: Oct 2006
  • Location: Scotland
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2009, 05:49:18 PM »
I could never do it.  If I was a surrendered wife with my husband nothing would get done, my husband is way too laid back and passive.  He can't take the initiative even when I try to take a back seat.  Sometimes I think if I had to go away for a few weeks i'd come back and just find a skeleton sitting on the couch.

I don't know how people can be happy going against their natural nature.  It just seems so boring.  The quote on the website about not talking on first dates and letting the man do the talking. Zzzzz. 

I really don't think I could be happy with a man who would be happy to let someone be so submissive to them.  Each to their own I guess.

Offline Ms Mort if You're Nasty

  • *
  • Posts: 3821
  • Joined: Jan 2007
  • Location: London
  • Gender: Female
  • Liked: 0
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2009, 06:51:25 PM »
Does anyone follow this (or try to follow it)?

I read the book a few years ago and signed up to the author (Laura Doyle)'s free mailing list:

http://www.surrenderedwife.com/surrendered_wife_support.html

I enjoy reading Doyle's periodic emails with reminders and tips on surrendering.

Doyle has also written a book for single women looking to attract a partner by being less controlling and more relaxed within the dating process, which she claims is more likely to result in marrying Mr. Right as well as having fun along the way:

http://www.surrenderedsingle.com/


The problem is, if being surrendered wife isn't something that's in you, whatever Mr. Right you find by tailoring yourself, is not gonna be very right for you at all. But if that's the kind of relationship you're truly looking for but aren't sure how to attract men who are looking for the same, these tips are probably very useful.

It is not for me, but it's silly to think that there's only one successful formula to a good marriage and trying to contort yourself into a more...contemporary* marriage when it isn't what you truly wants as just as fruitless as trying to surrender yourself when that's not in your nature.

*I know this is a bad choice of words, but everything else I could come up with unintentionally communicated that I think one is better than another, when I wasn't trying to say anything like that.

ETA: "You" obv means the general "you" not specifically LBA. :)
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
"Thank you for being a friend!"

Offline medivisas

  • *
  • Posts: 14601
  • Joined: Sep 2005
  • Liked: 2
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2009, 07:14:29 PM »
Call me old fashioned, by any 'philosophy' which has the word 'surrendered' as a positive characteristic almost certainly puts the feminist cause back by several decades.

I think there is a problem with a thought process which claims there is asuch thing as 'Mr Right'.  There is a 'Mr Right for ME' or 'Mr Right for YOU', but these men have different characteristics, so any claim that one single method of acting is going to get every woman the guy of her dreams has to be a crock. 

*I think this is basically the same argument as Mort's...

Vicky

Offline LipBalmAddict

  • *
  • Posts: 1010
  • Joined: Sep 2006
  • Location: SW London
  • Gender: Female
  • British and Texan (and ape)
  • Liked: 0
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2009, 07:17:01 PM »
I think we had a thread about this a while back, I'll see if I can find it. To be honest, I find it a very backward and outdated philosophy, but each to their own I guess.

Thanks, Britwife - I did a quick search but couldn't find one (though I did find someone make reference within another thread to it). 

Add me to the list of people who is no good with the UK-Y forum search (though I think I'm pretty good using google to search the wider web!)

Offline sweetpeach

  • *
  • Posts: 6665
  • Joined: Sep 2004
  • Location: York
  • Gender: Female
    • York Interweb
  • Liked: 1
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2009, 07:28:22 PM »
I have a problem with the whole concept of changing your personality just to get a man.

I would rather be single and be myself than be with someone and trying to be someone that I'm not.

And I agree with Vicky that there is no one "Mr. Right", there is a "Mr. Right for You". And "Mr. Right for You" is going to be compatible with you as you are.

ETA: I'm an easygoing person and I tend to do a lot of listening and let the other person do the talking, but that's not me trying to "surrender", that's just me.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2009, 07:30:32 PM by sweetpeach »

Offline Mrs Robinson

  • British & American
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 15572
  • Joined: Feb 2005
  • Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire
  • Gender: Female
  • In Yorkshire's Green & Pleasant Land!
  • Liked: 2
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #7 on: March 31, 2009, 07:31:51 PM »
And let's not forget about Mr Right Now!  >:D
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

- from Anthem, by Leonard Cohen (b 1934)

Offline Jewlz

  • is in the house because....
  • *
  • Posts: 8647
  • Joined: Jun 2008
  • Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne
  • Gender: Female
  • International Woman of Mystery
  • Liked: 2
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #8 on: March 31, 2009, 07:43:14 PM »
Well, I haven't read the book, but having taken a quick look at the site and the general premise, I think I have actually been following this advice on my own.  :P  DH controls all the finances (ok by me, I hate the stress of worrying about money, so let him do it! Plus, I don't know what is a good deal as far as GBP goes, if that makes any sense. I am still learning the ways of money on this side of the Atlantic) and I let him have his hobbies and whatever, and I don't really ever ask him to do anything. In turn, I get to sit on my butt while he does the vacuuming. Don't ask me how that worked out! I like to cook, so I do most of the cooking, and he is pretty lazy when it comes to food - like someone else said, if I wasn't around to feed him, I might come home to a skeleton!  ;D  But since I don't fancy cleaning very much, he has pretty much taken up most of those chores without me ever asking. I never thought I would be married, and especially not in a relationship that sometimes feels a bit old-fashioned, but I love it. It's like I'm in a Jane Austen novel where the women get to just read and play piano all day and not worry about "real" things other than who to marry!  :P
I know some girls who constantly nag their guys and try to get them to change. I think I have been one of those before. In my case, I think it was often the wrong guy, because I couldn't live with certain aspects of them, but I loved other things about them, so I tried to do away with the things I didn't like. Also, having the tables turned to where I had a nagging, controlling boyfriend trying to change me or convince me to do things differently must have helped me realize how crappy it is to be that way, so now I am more relaxed in my relationship. Acceptance that the one you love will never be perfect is a very good thing!  ;)

FunGirl

  • Guest
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #9 on: March 31, 2009, 07:44:48 PM »
Isn't she really just encouraging women to trick their husbands into thinking they're the dominant one?  I mean, if it's all about changing the way you act so that he'll act differently, isn't that rather manipulative?

Honestly, I'd rather be in a relationship where we're on equal footing in all aspects. :-\\\\

Offline LipBalmAddict

  • *
  • Posts: 1010
  • Joined: Sep 2006
  • Location: SW London
  • Gender: Female
  • British and Texan (and ape)
  • Liked: 0
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #10 on: March 31, 2009, 07:53:20 PM »
Well, I haven't read the book, but having taken a quick look at the site and the general premise, I think I have actually been following this advice on my own.  :P  DH controls all the finances (ok by me, I hate the stress of worrying about money, so let him do it! Plus, I don't know what is a good deal as far as GBP goes, if that makes any sense. I am still learning the ways of money on this side of the Atlantic) and I let him have his hobbies and whatever, and I don't really ever ask him to do anything. In turn, I get to sit on my butt while he does the vacuuming. Don't ask me how that worked out! I like to cook, so I do most of the cooking, and he is pretty lazy when it comes to food - like someone else said, if I wasn't around to feed him, I might come home to a skeleton!  ;D  But since I don't fancy cleaning very much, he has pretty much taken up most of those chores without me ever asking. I never thought I would be married, and especially not in a relationship that sometimes feels a bit old-fashioned, but I love it. It's like I'm in a Jane Austen novel where the women get to just read and play piano all day and not worry about "real" things other than who to marry!  :P
I know some girls who constantly nag their guys and try to get them to change. I think I have been one of those before. In my case, I think it was often the wrong guy, because I couldn't live with certain aspects of them, but I loved other things about them, so I tried to do away with the things I didn't like. Also, having the tables turned to where I had a nagging, controlling boyfriend trying to change me or convince me to do things differently must have helped me realize how crappy it is to be that way, so now I am more relaxed in my relationship. Acceptance that the one you love will never be perfect is a very good thing!  ;)

Finally, an informed opinion!  Thanks, Jewlz!

Offline chary

  • *
  • Posts: 24036
  • Joined: Jan 2005
  • Location: Cornwall
  • Gender: Female
    • Snaps
  • Liked: 2
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #11 on: March 31, 2009, 08:07:11 PM »
Honestly, I'd rather be in a relationship where we're on equal footing in all aspects. :-\\\\

I'd rather just nag until I wear him down completely.
My Project 365 photo blog: Snaps!

Offline LipBalmAddict

  • *
  • Posts: 1010
  • Joined: Sep 2006
  • Location: SW London
  • Gender: Female
  • British and Texan (and ape)
  • Liked: 0
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #12 on: March 31, 2009, 08:19:40 PM »
I'd rather just nag until I wear him down completely.

Awesome!   ;D ;D ;D

Offline Jewlz

  • is in the house because....
  • *
  • Posts: 8647
  • Joined: Jun 2008
  • Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne
  • Gender: Female
  • International Woman of Mystery
  • Liked: 2
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #13 on: March 31, 2009, 08:23:23 PM »
Isn't she really just encouraging women to trick their husbands into thinking they're the dominant one?  I mean, if it's all about changing the way you act so that he'll act differently, isn't that rather manipulative?

Honestly, I'd rather be in a relationship where we're on equal footing in all aspects. :-\\\\

I suppose it works if you are already passive anyway. I'm a go with the flow kind of girl. 

I'm not sure it works the way you put it, I would think rather it's more like having equal footing by not nagging people to do what you want them to do, but compromising and being more relaxed about things.
Then again, I haven't read the book.  :P

Offline medivisas

  • *
  • Posts: 14601
  • Joined: Sep 2005
  • Liked: 2
Re: "The Surrendered Wife" philosophy
« Reply #14 on: March 31, 2009, 08:26:12 PM »
Jewlz, your relationship doesn't sound as though you 'play surrendered' or even that you are 'surrendered' naturally. It sounds like a partnership.  In fact, it seems quite similar to my house, where Vicky cooks and makes a mess, and Dan does the washing up!

The opposite of being 'surrendered' is not 'being a nagging fishwife'.

Vicky