Hello
Guest

Sponsored Links


Topic: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!  (Read 1438 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« on: October 21, 2010, 06:08:50 AM »
Well, I have about 3 to 4 months before I move. I am in for a BIG change. My girlfriend says this to me..." When you get here, I do not want you to just sit around the house..because you will get homesick."    Well, I am very prone to homesickness. But, here in the US I am an active person. I play in a band here. I am an auto mechanic, I work in law enforcement, I run a small business, I am an avid fencer. I love to metal detect, I am a certified marine surveyor, and I do pro audio recording. I have plenty to do I guess. But there are other things that I love that I know I will miss. First off is boating..I love boating and deep sea fishing. I also love to surf as well. I live for those things. But she only lives several miles from Brighton. The weather is rubbish there most of the time. The only reason I am going to live there is due to money reasons...she makes ALOT more than I do. She only has a few years before retirement and I dont think it would be right for me to uproot her from that and bring her into a situation where she would have no job skills here. I am like a cat you toss me up and I will usually land on my feet, but I am still scared as hell as the time draws closer. I know that she is the right choice for me as far as a mate...but everything about the move is casting doubt to me. I am trying to form reasons why I should not go over. I spoke with a friend of mine and he said that I was terrified to leave home. Has anyone else had to deal with this? I hope there are more...and its not just me. Thanks for any help!


  • *
  • Posts: 5416

  • Liked: 0
  • Joined: Apr 2007
Re: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2010, 11:24:02 AM »
I'm really sorry that you are going through this. An international move is often hard, exciting, a challenge and a thrill.  :)

I'd really suggest you talk through your feelings and concerns with your partner. What are the concerns you have and what solutions can you work through together to adddress your anxieties? She makes a good point that keeping active is important to help with homesickness. Maybe consider how much are you feeling willing and able to adjust to the cultural changes and trying new things and taking risks generally? Not everyone deals with change easily or indeed in the same way. Maybe take some time to think about this in relation to how you are feeling.  :) 

I play in a band here. I am an auto mechanic, I work in law enforcement, I run a small business, I am an avid fencer. I love to metal detect, I am a certified marine surveyor, and I do pro audio recording. I have plenty to do I guess. But there are other things that I love that I know I will miss. First off is boating..I love boating and deep sea fishing. I also love to surf as well. I live for those things. But she only lives several miles from Brighton. The weather is rubbish there most of the time. The only reason I am going to live there is due to money reasons...she makes ALOT more than I do.


You can do these things in the UK (in line with whatever your visa requirements are  ;)).

RE: Auto Mechanic Technician, their Accreditation information:
http://www.automotivetechnician.org.uk/ 

You could volunteer with the police:
http://www.sussex.police.uk/work-with-us

Regarding starting your own business:
http://www.businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/home

Brighton and Hove Fencing Club:
http://www.brightonandhovefencing.co.uk/

National Council for Metal Detecting has a Brighton Club:
http://www.ncmd.co.uk/southern.htm

Brighton and Hove City Brass is recruiting:
http://www.brightonbrass.co.uk/

Brighton Marina Yacht Club:
http://www.bmyc.org.uk/

Also Brighton Fishing Museum may have some leads:
http://www.brightonfishingmuseum.org.uk/

Hope you are able to work through things.  :)

Mod: Maybe this needs to be moved? To Homesickness and Hard Times?  :)


  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 16301

  • Also known as PB&J ;-)
  • Liked: 839
  • Joined: Sep 2007
  • Location: :-D
Re: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2010, 02:58:57 PM »
Aww, be kind to yourself- like MLG said, an international move is full of all kinds of emotional upheaval. 

I know a lot of the folks on here have been filled with fear and doubt and anxiety as they make the move for their marriage.  So (because I didn't move for a partner)  they'd be in a much better position to help you on that side of things and also give you some tips on how to deal with things. 
 
Even if you've visted a lot before, it will be permanent now, it will now be your reality. 
MLG gave you tons of links, but yeah, agree, there is tons to do, you just need to look for it.  But don't rush out and get into things straight away if you don't want. Take some time, get on your feet.  Its overwhelming- even just going to the grocery store can send someone into a spin. 

Many of us have done the move OK, some of us moved in quickly and easily, some took lots of time to get on their feet, and some people never get on their feet at all and have had to work out alternate plans. And that's completely OK as well as we're all individuals and have different coping skills or different things that pull us to where we are. 


Also, it would really be good to talk through this things with your partner on how you're really feeling.  Maybe if she's only a few years from retirement, she may want to finish working and then maybe move back to the US, if you want that.  Or maybe you'd want to keep your relationship on hold until then.  Or maybe not. But my point is you need to work through these things with your partner.

(((hugs)))
I've never gotten food on my underpants!
Work permit (2007) to British Citizen (2014)
You're stuck with me!


  • *
  • Posts: 405

  • Liked: 0
  • Joined: May 2008
  • Location: Philly>London>Philly
Re: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2010, 04:06:04 PM »
I agree with MLG & phatbeetle about talking with your partner.

Moving is stressful. Moving for a partner is even more so. Then moving internationally? Ridiculous amount more. I was so ready to move to the UK to be with my DH until 2 days before I left. Then I had a totally meltdown and cried to my mom that I didn't want to leave the US, I loved my life there and I wasn't ready to let it go. I cried pretty much every minute before I left. My friend, a USC, also experienced this right before she moved to the UK two years before I did. My aunt did before she moved to Syria for my uncle. So I think its normal what you are going through.

It sounds like you have a full life in the US, and you may need to mourn the closing of that chapter in your life.I don't think I fully did that until after I got here and for a while I was depressed and it was really hard on my relationship.

Its important that your gf knows that you will be homesick. Maybe not for long, and maybe not really bad, but its normal, and its something that you are going to have to deal with, and she is going to have to deal with the fact that you are homesick & support you.

Also, I think this article has some helpful tips: http://www.shelteroffshore.com/index.php/living/more/dealing-with-homesickness-living-abroad-10290

I wish you the best in making these decisions, and have a look at the posts in the homesickness section as they have really helped me!
LLR Oct 2009, ILR Nov 2011, Citizen June 2013
DH's Greencard May 2013- back in the USA Aug 2013!


  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 16301

  • Also known as PB&J ;-)
  • Liked: 839
  • Joined: Sep 2007
  • Location: :-D
Re: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2010, 04:14:17 PM »
I've never gotten food on my underpants!
Work permit (2007) to British Citizen (2014)
You're stuck with me!


Re: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2010, 08:03:11 PM »
WOW! Thanks sooo much for all the information. It sure does mean more from the people who are living it. I do know this much....when I leave the US ...yes I am missing the US. But when I leave Heathrow...I am REALLY missing England. I have to come to terms that I can't have it both ways. My girlfriend is one in a million...and I will NEVER find anyone else like her I dont think. I have been looking close to 25 years. I know she is the one and I have to do the right thing and be with her. Whew....this is doing my head in.


  • *
  • Posts: 280

  • Liked: 0
  • Joined: Sep 2009
  • Location: USA
Re: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2010, 10:00:03 AM »
Excellent article - that's for posting it.  dirkpitt36 - you sound as though you are a very enterprising person.  Given time I am sure you will continue to pursue many of your old interests and find new ones as well.

Do you have opaline eyes? 
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
Helen Keller


Re: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2010, 03:20:09 AM »
Why yes..... Clive and I are ol friends....oh and less I forget Al....LOL!


  • *
  • Posts: 280

  • Liked: 0
  • Joined: Sep 2009
  • Location: USA
Re: The Move Is Getting Closer!!!
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2010, 10:44:25 AM »
lol too!
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
Helen Keller


Sponsored Links





 

coloured_drab