Author Topic: is it me or him??  (Read 3693 times)

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Offline Pale Panther

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Re: is it me or him??
« Reply #15 on: January 26, 2012, 09:01:06 AM »
I agree with what everyone else has said, and especially Vadio. I have to wonder, if he's acting this badly at the beginning of the relationship, when he should be head-over-heels in love with you ..... and therefore willing to do just about anything.... why is he being such a brat? Look, I adore men, and I've known some incredible men..... but I have also seen way too many men be completely spoiled and demanding of their way exclusively, regardless of the consequences to you. So the things you've said about him, only bring up red flags to me. If he really does love you, then he'll work with you when you put your foot down about this. If he doesn't, then he doesn't have it in him to survive a long term relationship anyway.

I'm sorry, I hope these things don't sound to harsh.... but I feel it's the reality of the situation, and his partying and going round with other women, is only him trying to force you to bend to his demands. Be strong, follow your instincts.... your not wrong about him asking for too much... and you deserve to be loved, respected and treated fairly.

Offline balmerhon

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Re: is it me or him??
« Reply #16 on: January 26, 2012, 03:28:18 PM »
No offense, but he sounds rather selfish and needy. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt. In the end, what I did was never going to be enough.

If you can't sit down with him and get him to see your POV a bit more, then I would proceed with extreme caution with any long-term relationship with him.
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ~ John Lennon

Offline Lanark0818

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Re: is it me or him??
« Reply #17 on: January 26, 2012, 04:55:55 PM »
I would be worried about his score keeping.  He feels is sacrifice was ------THIS------ big, so you now need to tons to "make that up" to him.  A sacrifice like this should be something you willingly do for your relationship. 


This is very well said.
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it." -Eat Pray Love

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Offline raaraagirl

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Re: is it me or him??
« Reply #18 on: January 26, 2012, 11:08:56 PM »
its actually really helpful because i have basically been thinking everything that has been mentioned but was beginning to wonder if i was the crazy one. i cant get him to understand though. It is making me a bit annoyed now actually. Thoughts of the future and the whole control thing has crossed my mind. i just dont know how many times i can explain my situation before he understands
thanks so much everyone for confirming this is not solely my issue

Offline TamaMoo

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Re: is it me or him??
« Reply #19 on: January 26, 2012, 11:46:24 PM »
You're not crazy at all.  ;) Sometimes we want something so much that we hope everything will work out 'eventually', even though we know it won't.

He may grow out of it, but chances are he won't. If it was me in your place, I'd rather have a bit of hurt saying goodbye than a lifetime of hurt feelings and pain of feeling controlled and pressured.

Big hugs to you! Only you can decide what is right for you, and I know it can't be an easy decision to make.
“It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry.” Joe Moore

“We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
― Dr. Seuss

Offline mariposa

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Re: is it me or him??
« Reply #20 on: January 27, 2012, 01:40:06 AM »
i need the advice. Anytime i try to get him to come to me he doesn't want to make the effort because of the time and effort of taking public transport ( yet he does it often when he travels even further to go out with his friends).
He can use public transport anytime he wants to party with his friends, but not to visit you, but he'll be happy to see you anytime you do the work.  Exactly where on his list of priorities are you?

As for his "sacrifices," he freely chose to move to the UK.  As someone else said, if he was college-bound anyway, he'd probably be moving and making some lifestyle changes no matter where he went.  Any "sacrifices" of his were his own choosing. 

16-28 hours in transit time to visit him during the week is excessive.  You have plenty to do between your job and uni, and need your rest.