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Author Topic: How do you get rid of that little black cloud?  (Read 1754 times)
FlowerPower1977
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« on: September 08, 2012, 09:01:07 AM »

I have been having a hard time adjusting, I feel lonely, I miss my family and friends, I don't like my work here very much, I miss my car and my independence. I feel different, and for once I'd like to answer my cell phone in public without everyone's head slyly turning to listen in! The only person I have here in the UK to lean on is DH and sometimes it's too much for him. I get a little black cloud over my head and it follows me around for the day. I work out and do exercise, I eat well, I read a lot, I take part in my passions (art), but sometimes I just can't get rid of it! What do you do to get rid of it? This forum is a huge source of support for people going through a similar thing, if not the exact same. I'd love to hear what you think!
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LaraMascara
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« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2012, 10:20:56 AM »

It does get better.
It just takes time.
But, I hated it here, and I was sure I was going to love it, but I had the blackness too... and now I do like it here.

My only suggestion is that you try to make a friend. Anyone who you like. Anyone not connected to your spouse. Chat with someone, get their number, call them, go out for coffee or tea or a beer... And don't compare them to your friends back home.

Try finding another immigrant - from anyplace! They will relate.

My first friend was a 57 year old woman, mother of 4, from Pakistan. I am in my early 40's.
I am a career girl, with no kids, and she was always a stay at home mother. You would think we would have very little in common, but, we had a lot in common. We were both immigrants, and we bonded over it.

My opinion, and my suggestion: You need someone to talk too, in person, other than your partner.

It may make you feel better.

xxoxooxox
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« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2012, 11:15:57 AM »

Learn to drive in the UK and get some of that independence back!

At the very least learn to navigate public transport and go somewhere on your own, it'll do a world of good to know you aren't just stuck where you are and can get out and do things on your own.
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Mrs Robinson
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« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2012, 11:58:57 AM »

All good advice given here by Lara & Cali Girl!

I used to organise lots of meetups & get togethers via this every website! I just kept giving shout-outs to anyone in my vicinity who might want to meet for a meal, a coffee, etc. And I was persistent with it - sometimes no one responded & then sometimes people did. Now some of those people are my bestest friends. Then I got all meet-up'd out.  Tongue

Maybe an idea to try?
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Gottagettolondon
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« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2012, 03:46:05 PM »

Meet ups are a great way to make friends! I've done some through here and I've done many, many, many through the running forum that I've been a member of for years. I love having someone to meet up with wherever I go practically! Smiley

I also second the getting independence. Take exploration walks around your neighborhood on your own so you can figure out what's where. I did them this summer when I was visiting at our new house. Each time I went a different direction and figured out lots of stuff (like that there's a park on the other side of us that we'd never seen because we always went the other direction!) I also took the bus to figure out where it went. Just got on! It made me feel much more comfortable about my new place and also makes me excited to show it to my family and friends from the US when they come visit.
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« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2012, 04:39:16 PM »

I'm sorry you're going through this, SuperWeeBee, and I sympathise.  Your words resonate a lot with me, as I'm going through the same things.  Looks like we've got some good advice here, at least.  :)  Where in the UK are you, and what kind of art are you into?  I draw and used to paint when I had access to the materials.  These days my stuff is digital, though, because a tablet and stylus aren't nearly as messy as oils in a flat!
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« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2012, 09:20:02 AM »

Must be tough, Superweebee, but this is all great advice that I will use if/when we move to the UK. Gottagettolondon, I'd be so afraid of getting on the bus without my hubby, but I always wanted to.

By the way, CONGRATS on your marriage! I remember you from a few years ago when I found this site! You ok?
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Gottagettolondon
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kensington2010

« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2012, 01:23:39 PM »

Gottagettolondon, I'd be so afraid of getting on the bus without my hubby, but I always wanted to.

By the way, CONGRATS on your marriage! I remember you from a few years ago when I found this site! You ok?

Ah, thank you! I remember you from back then, too. Yes, all ok. Just anxiously waiting for my FLR(M) to be approved. Smiley

As for the bus, it's really not scary! Mainly elderly, retired folks and moms with babies. Depending on the time of day, maybe some kids going to school.... Also, I find the bus stops are extremely helpful in the UK. They always list the stops, where you are, where the bus is heading, timing for each stop and often even a map. It's fool proof! Maybe go the first time with your DH and then you'll surely have the knack of it! Good luck! Smiley
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"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it." -Eat Pray Love

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Albatross
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« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2012, 08:26:33 PM »

I'd be so afraid of getting on the bus without my hubby


Have you read this thread?  Might help!  Smiley

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=24695.0
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PlainPearl
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« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2012, 08:31:34 PM »

Must be tough, Superweebee, but this is all great advice that I will use if/when we move to the UK. Gottagettolondon, I'd be so afraid of getting on the bus without my hubby, but I always wanted to.

I get the bus all the time and it's been fine. I just asked DH (then BF) what to do and say and went out and did it. If I'm particularly anxious about doing something new here, I have DH go with me and show me what's what and then I'll go the next time by myself.
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Pip
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« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2012, 10:21:31 PM »

Have you read this thread?  Might help!  Smiley

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=24695.0


That's a great thread for people who haven't dealt with public transit before.  I sure hadn't, but I've learned through people-watching and tips from my husband.  I still get confused at times, but thank god for the Edinburgh bus app for Android.  That's another thing, if there's an app for your area, it can really help.  I'm shy and easily intimidated, but having access to times and stuff on my phone is comforting.  Plus, I use Google Maps to know where I need to get off for the right stop.  Ah, technology!
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Meghan2828
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« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2012, 02:39:38 AM »

I have to say, when I've asked for help from people (like getting a bus ticket for the first time) they have always been very helpful and understanding.
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PlainPearl
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« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2012, 11:03:23 AM »

I have to say, when I've asked for help from people (like getting a bus ticket for the first time) they have always been very helpful and understanding.

Yes, this too. When I explain that I'm American and not sure how to go about something, people are happy to help.
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LaraMascara
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« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2012, 11:24:55 AM »

I'm a native New Yorker, and I have been taking public transportation for my entire life. Even I was a bit nervous the first time I had to navigate public transportation on my own in a new country!
And, I have used public transportation in MANY other locations in my travels! But, normally, when I travelled, the first time I would use the local public transportation, I was usually with someone... a friend, a native, a boyfriend... not on my own!

When I began taking the tube on my own in London, I was totally afraid I would get lost, and be very late to wherever I had to go, and I was afraid I would end up in a really bad hood.

So, it is normal to be a bit nervous the first time public transportation in used on ones own, for anyone, no matter how experienced - but it WILL pass.

Don't sit next to strange men in raincoats.

Oh, wait, it rains here all of the time, so that might be unavoidable... scratch that.
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“It was when I realised I had a new nationality: I was in exile. I am an adulterous resident: when I am in one city, I am dreaming of the other. I am an exile; citizen of the country of longing.” ― Suketu Mehta.

Married 04/13/11, in NYC.
Applied for Spouse Visa the following week, with express service, and I was approved 4 days later!
Arrived in the UK 05/20/11.
I took the stupid LIUK Test Oct. 2012.
We were granted ILR In Person in Croydon on 04/23/13.
Got BRP 2 days later, in mail box - it just appeared.

NEXT: The lil' red passpo
Cadenza
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« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2012, 11:46:07 AM »

Don't sit next to strange men in raincoats.

Oh, wait, it rains here all of the time, so that might be unavoidable... scratch that.

 Laugh4 Laugh4 Laugh4 Laugh4
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