Author Topic: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!  (Read 4124 times)

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Offline SeanDylan92

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Hello all!! UPDATE: I am 21, she is 18

   I have finally reached the breaking point with my girlfriend.. We have been dating for 9 months now long distance. I'm American and she is English. We love eachother dearly and i plan to visit her soon!

  So here is my issue... SOCIAL NETWORKS!! Sooo my girlfriend gets really upset about my twitter/Instagram. I plan to move to England someday so I follow A LOT of beautiful english girls and some guys too of course to make friends.

But anyway, my girlfriend gets so mad at me for it. On twitter I can't even retweet or favorite a tweet of a girl without her getting upset. I always tell her that "I'm in love with you and no one else!" and I never even tweet these girls in the first place. Sometimes they may respond to my tweets, but i'm never flirty or anything at all!!!!! She doesn't care. She yells at me to unfollow ALL of them. Most of these girls i followed before we even met.

On Instagram, she told me not to like pictures of girls. So I listened to her and didn't like "pictures of girls" BUT WAIT!!! I CANT even like a photo a girl post. It could be a photo of their freaking dog and if it's a girl who posted it i get in trouble..

 I gave her my password to twitter a few months ago to prove to her she can trust me.. that didn't go well. She went and started unfollwing a bunch of my friends from school days and other people I know in real life. I changed the password and that was that.. we've argued about this many many times. I'm always telling her that social networks should not come between us and i should be able to do whatever i want on them as long as i'm not hitting on girls or speaking with them. And she still didn't care about it. So for the past few months i didn't let her have my password.

 Fast forward to this week, we had a huge argument about it again.. and didn't talk for a few days.. I missed her a lot and wanted her back. So i gave in and let her have my password again!!! Now she is going off and unfollowing like every single freaking girl. There are like only 8 girls left on my twitter, Some girls are my friends from school! *I DONT OWN FACEBOOK* twitter and instagram is my only outlet to stay in contact with old friends, and friends from England. SHE EVEN responded to some girl that was asking me why i unfollowed her and she told them to "*bleep* off" something like that. Then the girl got mad at me and blocked.

SO here is the thing, I'm trying my best not to care about her doing whatever she wants on my twitter now because i do love this girl and I want her to know i don't care about other girls like that. I let her unfollow all these girls and she even uses my twitter now to retweet stuff. I love this girl so much and i want to be with her but now i just feel like i have no say on my own social network. I really want to make a separate account so i can talk to all my friends without her getting jealous.

So i then proceeded to ask her if I can have her password.. and she says NO. I begged her for it and said "Let me unfollow guys on your account then." SHE SAYS NO! I just don't know what to do anymore, i had some good friends on twitter and i've lost most of them because i can't even speak to them on twitter just because they are a girl. I need your guys help!!! please!! this social network stuff is all we argue about and it's getting to the point i can't handle it anymore.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2014, 04:03:13 PM by SeanDylan92 »

Fruitgum

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2014, 08:33:22 AM »
I don't think this is reasonable behaviour. It sounds immature, and I'd be worried about what else she might want to control.

Offline ymberlenis

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2014, 08:48:44 AM »
It's really hard to comment on one side of a story in a relationship you're not familiar with, but based on what you're saying, I'd say your girlfriend needs to grow up and evaluate her insecurity and trust issues.

Being in a long-distance relationship is hard enough. It's absolutely miserable from the start not being able to be together, and if you're not in it together, if one or both of you are working at odds with the other, it's nigh on impossible.

I know from experience it's hard to trust from (in my case) 5,000 miles away. But frankly, if she can't trust you now - and if she keeps demonstrating you can't trust her (like to not violate your accounts) - neither of you are going to be able to trust each other even when/if you live in the same house.

There's no easy way around the trust issue. It sounds like your girlfriend has a load of insecurities, and that's not something that's going to go away over night. But she needs to at least acknowledge that she's being ridiculously unfair by behaving the way she is with your accounts, and not being willing to share her own. Even if, at some point, you've given her reason to doubt your fidelity, she has to decide whether she can trust you without being able to control your online life, because try as she might, she can't remove girls from the world. And social media isn't the only way to meet them.

Like I said earlier, I don't know your relationship, and I don't know her side of the story, so it's hard really to tell you what to do, but if I were in your shoes, I would put my foot down about the password thing. Generally, it's a terrible idea to share your password with anyone, but especially with someone who has demonstrated repeatedly they will abuse it. Change it again, and don't let her have access to it. She has violated your trust just as much as she seems to think you're going to violate hers.

Otherwise, you're in a relationship with extremely unhealthy boundaries, and I guarantee you, closing the distance will not change that. The nature of the boundaries may change, but the unhealthiness will persist until you both agree the behaviour is unacceptable.
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Offline KFdancer

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2014, 10:37:37 AM »
Big red flag!  She has control issues.  This won't stop at Twitter.

And she can't be trusted if she is using your account to alienate your friends.

Offline mirrajay

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2014, 03:31:30 PM »
You're both very young, aren't you?

Offline SeanDylan92

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2014, 04:26:15 PM »
It's really hard to comment on one side of a story in a relationship you're not familiar with, but based on what you're saying, I'd say your girlfriend needs to grow up and evaluate her insecurity and trust issues.

Being in a long-distance relationship is hard enough. It's absolutely miserable from the start not being able to be together, and if you're not in it together, if one or both of you are working at odds with the other, it's nigh on impossible.

I know from experience it's hard to trust from (in my case) 5,000 miles away. But frankly, if she can't trust you now - and if she keeps demonstrating you can't trust her (like to not violate your accounts) - neither of you are going to be able to trust each other even when/if you live in the same house.

There's no easy way around the trust issue. It sounds like your girlfriend has a load of insecurities, and that's not something that's going to go away over night. But she needs to at least acknowledge that she's being ridiculously unfair by behaving the way she is with your accounts, and not being willing to share her own. Even if, at some point, you've given her reason to doubt your fidelity, she has to decide whether she can trust you without being able to control your online life, because try as she might, she can't remove girls from the world. And social media isn't the only way to meet them.

Like I said earlier, I don't know your relationship, and I don't know her side of the story, so it's hard really to tell you what to do, but if I were in your shoes, I would put my foot down about the password thing. Generally, it's a terrible idea to share your password with anyone, but especially with someone who has demonstrated repeatedly they will abuse it. Change it again, and don't let her have access to it. She has violated your trust just as much as she seems to think you're going to violate hers.

Otherwise, you're in a relationship with extremely unhealthy boundaries, and I guarantee you, closing the distance will not change that. The nature of the boundaries may change, but the unhealthiness will persist until you both agree the behaviour is unacceptable.

Twitter and instagram is literally all we argue about.. It's the cancer to our relationship. I've tried talking to her about it many times saying things like "If you trust me you wouldn't care who i follow" and "It's just a social network and i will never meet any of these girls in my lifetime." things like that but she never budges one bit. I agree it's unhealthy, i feel like i can't convince her at all that it's okay for me to follow girls. She even said when i move there i'm not allowed to have social networks

Offline SeanDylan92

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2014, 04:26:42 PM »
You're both very young, aren't you?

i'm 21 she is 18

Offline kathrynhabibti

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Re:
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2014, 10:04:33 PM »
I'm glad you realise that it's unhealthy. Please do yourself a favour and get right out :-(

Offline mariposa

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2014, 01:53:50 AM »
Big red flag!  She has control issues.  This won't stop at Twitter.

And she can't be trusted if she is using your account to alienate your friends.
I agree.  I'd keep my passwords, dignity and freedom.  If someone needs that much control over me, I don't need them.

Offline kathrynhabibti

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I agree.  I'd keep my passwords, dignity and freedom.  If someone needs that much control over me, I don't need them.
Yup.

Offline vadio

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2014, 09:14:01 AM »
I also agree - this is not a healthy situation.

Have you actually MET your girlfriend - in person, face-to-face? No matter how much you seem to 'click' while chatting, emailing, Skype, whatever, sometimes when you actually meet, you see the 'warts' and realize you don't know the person at all nor do you want to.

A friend of mine 'met' someone in the course of business, via multiple business related telephone calls. Then evolved into personal calls and they decided to meet for a long weekend. My friend drove up to Edinburgh, and within seconds of a face-to-face found he did NOT want to spend even 5 minutes there. He said "I just need to get my suitcase out of the car", left, and drove 6 hours back to his home.

If there are 'issues' at this stage, be afraid...be very afraid.....
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Offline Aquila

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #11 on: July 12, 2014, 09:59:36 PM »
As has been mentioned, it's a bit difficult to comment not knowing the entire picture; however, from what you have said, it sounds really worrying.  That kind of behavior is not healthy.  If I recall, you've only had an online relationship and have not yet met in person - her being so controlling this early in your relationship is cause for concern.  If you want to continue your relationship with her, I would tread very carefully and tackle this issue immediately.       
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Offline City of Villages

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #12 on: July 12, 2014, 10:31:15 PM »
Dump her. Honestly, she clearly doesn't respect you or your boundaries, and if twitter makes her this unhinged, you are clearly dealing with someone who has serious issues, whether they are related to immaturity or mental health. To be honest, I'm not sure you can handle this relationship either, as you should have stood up for yourself the minute she started bullying you about talking to your real-life friends. It sounds like she is trying to isolate you from people you know, which is abusive. She is emotionally abusive and manipulating you, dump her now before she harms you further.
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Offline ymberlenis

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #13 on: July 14, 2014, 07:39:18 AM »
Twitter and instagram is literally all we argue about.. It's the cancer to our relationship. I've tried talking to her about it many times saying things like "If you trust me you wouldn't care who i follow" and "It's just a social network and i will never meet any of these girls in my lifetime." things like that but she never budges one bit. I agree it's unhealthy, i feel like i can't convince her at all that it's okay for me to follow girls. She even said when i move there i'm not allowed to have social networks

Whoa.

Even if it's the one and only thing you argue about (when you live with each other, I guarantee that will change - even the healthiest relationship has arguments), it's extremely unhealthy.

And for her to try to control you and who you speak with, I have to agree with City of Villages, that is classic abusive behaviour. You need to stand up for yourself now. Trust me, this won't go away. It will only get worse, and it will bleed into other areas of your life. You have to tell her what the boundaries are, and if she can't handle them, you're better off knowing now.
9 Aug 11 - Married <3
14 Jan 12 - Submitted spousal visa application online
17 Jan 12 - Biometrics and mailed
19 Jan 12 - Visa issued!
21 Feb 12 - Moved to the UK!
01 May 13 - Passed the LitUK test :D
19 Mar 14 - Applied for ILR via checking service
29 Mar 14: Rec'd biometrics letter (dated 27 Mar) and completed biometrics same day
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Offline ok01

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Re: Girlfriend won't let me follow girls on twitter and instagram!
« Reply #14 on: October 09, 2015, 01:26:17 AM »
Any update on this>?