Suddenly Feel Socially Awkward...

Ahh hugs to you all. I have lived here for 12 years now and have had difficulty making friends but honestly I an introverted and found it hard in America too. I found having a dog helped me adjust cuz of the exercise and forcing myself to get out. Also I have worked in the same job for almost 10 years now so know a lot of the people. I still get weird American comments from people who ask me if I did this or that in America. I can get offended still at times based on my mood. And have had difficulty relating to new mums here when I first had my daughter also had a bad experience with bullying at one job. In all I've learned it takes time to adjust and I need to accept myself and work on loving me.  And try not to worry what others think.

I've been working in a large primary school since the start of the school year.  I felt somewhat isolated the first couple months because not only was I adjusting to a new country, but a new teaching system as well.  Everyone was nice, but there were quite a few who were too interested in my American-ness.  It was somewhat annoying, but I just kept asking questions about work and I guess they got over it.  I was exhausted as well, so maybe I just wasn't aware of being socially awkward.  Thankfully, my DH is incredibly supportive so I wasn't too worried about fitting in and making friends.  I went to one school social event and got to know one woman in particular.  For the last couple months we've had what I would consider a "normal" friendship and maybe because I am more at ease with her I have started to come across as one of them.  As time goes by and I get more and more comfortable with my co-workers I'm still pretty sure that I won't find a new best friend there, but at least I'm not ill at ease.  I hope that over time you feel more comfortable at work and I can only say hang in there.  I just hope that when I get out of my phase of only wanting to be with DH I can find some friends outside of work.  Hahaha!

Well, every country has  July 4th

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That'd be like a Doctor Who episode "Where did July 4th go? There's July 3rd and a 5th but no 4th!" haha

I'm feeling exactly the same.. Back home I was hardly ever shy or not confident in myself, but for some reason here I am painfully shy and always unsure of myself and what I am doing. It's such a strange feeling.. I'd describe it as sand and water in a jar that was violently shaken, and I'm not sure if I'm ever going to fully settle. I'm hoping once I find work that will change and I'll make friends or at least gain some confidence back. My SO and I are about to join a gym, but people don't go there to make friends.

I also feel like people are staring at me when I walk up and down the high street. Does anyone else get this? Maybe I'm just paranoid!

You're definitely not alone....I think a lot of us are feeling like this.  You never want to open your mouth in fear you'll say something stupid or offensive without knowing.  Or afraid no one will understand what you're getting at.

I've just had a horrible run in with a teacher at my school, today.  I've already been having issues with her, but today was the massive straw the broke the camel's proverbial back.  She walked into my class and belittled me in front of all my students and made me feel so, so, so small.... and I didn't have the courage to stand up to her.  In fact, I went back to the staff room petrified.  I have always been nervous of conflict, but it's as if living here has made it ten times worse.

However, I feel I get angry a lot quicker too...maybe from the built up frustration from it all. I almost don't trust myself to remain professional, so I have to walk away from situations.

I feel so alone.

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You're definitely not alone....I think a lot of us are feeling like this.  You never want to open your mouth in fear you'll say something stupid or offensive without knowing.  Or afraid no one will understand what you're getting at.

I've just had a horrible run in with a teacher at my school, today.  I've already been having issues with her, but today was the massive straw the broke the camel's proverbial back.  She walked into my class and belittled me in front of all my students and made me feel so, so, so small.... and I didn't have the courage to stand up to her.  In fact, I went back to the staff room petrified.  I have always been nervous of conflict, but it's as if living here has made it ten times worse.

She sounds like a right one. This probably all boils down to extreme jealousy on her part that you're different and fun. Isn't there anyone else who has issues with her? I'm sure you're not the only one.

I feel the same way over here in America sometimes. I say something and somebody takes offence or doesn't understand that I was joking and it's just my British way. I do feel bad but not for myself, for them that they don't understand that I'm actually a nice person and my dry delivery of comments is not sneering or sniffly in anyway. I feel sometimes my wife is the only one who gets me here.

So although I'm back in your homeland, you're not alone in your feelings! :-)

kkidd, How awful for you.  I haven't experienced anything like that thankfully.  I have some tension with my assistant, but I think that's because she doesn't think I'm doing a good job bringing in all these newfangled ways (hahaha!) In truth the one who seems to have the biggest issue with my American-ess is the Head.  I now wonder if she was last in line to want me hired.  It just seems like there is no one you can go to doesn't it?  I mean ... do you go to your Head and say, "She's being mean to me."  In my case, who would I tell?  And I'm like you, I would never just full on confront them. 

I know we're halfway through the school year and I hope it gets better for you soon. 

You're definitely not alone....I think a lot of us are feeling like this.  You never want to open your mouth in fear you'll say something stupid or offensive without knowing.  Or afraid no one will understand what you're getting at.

I've just had a horrible run in with a teacher at my school, today.  I've already been having issues with her, but today was the massive straw the broke the camel's proverbial back.  She walked into my class and belittled me in front of all my students and made me feel so, so, so small.... and I didn't have the courage to stand up to her.  In fact, I went back to the staff room petrified.  I have always been nervous of conflict, but it's as if living here has made it ten times worse.

However, I feel I get angry a lot quicker too...maybe from the built up frustration from it all. I almost don't trust myself to remain professional, so I have to walk away from situations.

I feel so alone.

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I know how you feel, i never understood how cultural/experience-based humor could be until i came here and got a million blank stares at my sarcasm/jokes! Most of the time people don't quite get what I'm saying and I get that kind of feeling you have when you're in the middle of a story that's exciting (to you) but you realize the person you're talking to isn't listening so it just kind of lets the wind out of your sails.

I do understand people have to get used to it though so I try not to use American slang or references and try not to speak as fast as i usually do.

In general I'm a very say-what-I-think type person. I know to tone it down in work settings, but among friends and family I can be boisterous and I've had to adapt to reeling that in here because i can see i can be far too much for a lot of people. It is kind of tiring constantly being on "Work-Behavior" though when I'm with people other than my husband.

try not to speak as fast as i usually do.

The danger here is that you end up being over-slow and a little too loud.

American: "I...Would...Like..A..Ticket..To..MILTON..KEYNES.."
Ticket person: "You know we understand English...we invented it, pet."

Hah yes! I grew up on the East Coast of the US and when I first moved here it was a physical effort to slow down my speech. If I spoke to way I used to, I was inevitably faced with a dismissive, 'I cah-n't understand a wuh-rd you're saying!'

I've been in London since 2006 and the way I made friends and fit in (to the point of meeting and marrying my English husband) is that I don't let being American define me. Yes, inevitably, people are going to comment on and bring it up, but if you act like it's just one of many aspects of who you are, just like where you went to school or where you work is just one aspect, most people get passed it and start thinking of you as you, rather than a representative of the US.

It's not that you have to hide where you're from, it's just that you need to act like it is what it is: one of many interesting things about you. Honestly, weeks go by in my office when my nationality doesn't come up as a topic.

Another tip that really helped me is that, when it comes to people being rude, unless explicitly stated, you can't assume it's because you're American. At first, I'll admit, was almost looking for offence on this front and it drove me crtazy. But I came to learn that you can't survive in a foreign country with that mentality. I think we can all agree that customer service here is beyond terrible. On top of this, people who work in in the service industry have bad days. The fact that a waitress/shop assistant is rude to you very likely has more to do with the fact that they just got dumped by their boyfriend than your country of origin. Thinking anything else leads to feeling really paranoid and, ultimately, isolated.

every american expat can relate to this thread, and also have a little chuckle. The main thing I find that drives this and makes it even worse is that Brits have a big tendency to hide their true feelings and emotions toward the situation. an optimist can say that this is just an opportunity to hone your skills of detection and "being able to read someone".

by the way, I meant tendencies as compared to Americans. its not that we're all brash loudmouths. but in comparison, its noticably awkward at times.

I'm finding it difficult to find people in my age group (OAPs) who are kindred spirits.  Many of the older women I run into seem to be mostly dolled up in "smart" outfits and talking about their holidays.  Just yesterday someone asked if I'd been on a safari yet    My reaction was just to say we don't do holidays.

mostly dolled up in "smart" outfits and talking about their holidays. 

See this is a whole different subject. I read the Guardian, of course, and I am amazed by their travel section. Holidays are very different here....and different amongst the classes....or something. It's "a thing".

For some Tanerife is absolutely the worst thing possible. Apparently just going to Paris or Rome is not quite right either, and I specifically remember reading an article titled "Paris for those who haven't been to the Louvre". Of course the Louvre is  touristy now....but I think repeatedly going to Paris without just once going there is sort of weird. I get the feeling that a visit to the Louvre is something these people would have done back in college on an away trip. 

The Guardian always features these Moroccan or Venezuelan "off the beaten path" things. There are these stories about parents taking their young children to Cambodia for a rafting adventure - good lord, a trip to Chuckie Cheese used to be about all I could handle.

I'm finding it difficult to find people in my age group (OAPs) who are kindred spirits.  Many of the older women I run into seem to be mostly dolled up in "smart" outfits and talking about their holidays.  Just yesterday someone asked if I'd been on a safari yet    My reaction was just to say we don't do holidays.

My friend has been on holidays through University of the Third Age and likes it. She's been on walking holidays in Northumbria and the like.

Maybe that might suit?
http://www.u3aleeds.org.uk/groups.html

Maybe that might suit?
http://www.u3aleeds.org.uk/groups.html

Hmmm ... does sound interesting.  And they do have a lot of day time things (I hate going out at night)  Thanks, MLG!