Author Topic: A message to anyone here.  (Read 954 times)

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Offline aircake

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A message to anyone here.
« on: March 02, 2015, 10:30:41 PM »

Hello all,

I'm posting this message today in some shame and some pride. I've been part of the community for a while and in fact have spoken to some of you as well, just under a different username. I'm doing so, because I am monitored and looked at, and because I am deeply ashamed.

I'm ashamed to admit that let my partner pull me down into an abusive relationship. I was a happy person before this mess started, and I let this person into my life, and now, 2 years later, I'm slowly realizing, with the help of random people around me, that I've been manipulated, used, and abused. My life is not the same, and I'm lost, without a job, without friends to be there, without the self confidence I've user to had, and the most important thing, my own sense of identity.

I'm ashamed in this position I am where I am asking for help.

I'm proud because I have realized and admit what's going on. This is one of these moments when I got up and decided I'm going to to something about it. This is one rare moment, among days when I hide under the blanket, not wanting to wake up, with a million thoughts about how I deal with it, how I help her relax, what I had done wrong, but I'm going to use it to get back on track, and on my feet.

I am going to start a campaign, so I can raise some money to back myself up.

I need your help. I know how difficult the struggle here is for many of us, not just Americans, but still. If you have spare $5, or even a pound, I am going to be grateful forever.

If not, if you could help me by commenting, or sharing my story and the campaign, when it started, I would be as grateful. One link or share can go a long way.

I will post the link once I start.

Thank you for reading this.

Offline mapleleafgirl72

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Re: A message to anyone here.
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2015, 09:19:34 AM »
Just know that there is help out there.

24-hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline
http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

I'm sure you could ask the Embassy for repatriation help if you need it here (Victims of Crime in the UK):
http://london.usembassy.gov/cons_new/acs/scs/victims_of_crime.html

or if you want to stay in the UK, requirements for settlement in the UK for victims of domestic violence:
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/261565/dv-victims-settlement.pdf

It takes a lot of strength to want to seek help and there are many services out there that could help you. Hugs.


Offline sonofasailor

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Re: A message to anyone here.
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2015, 09:27:59 AM »
Well thank you for sharing your experiences.

It is important, because abuse - physical, mental or financial - is horrible in any context, but as an immigrant you are placed in an even more precarious position. It is something that should be given serious thought when considering moving to a foreign environment.

Simply put, if you do not have ILR and your spouse decides for whatever reason they want you gone, you will have to pretty quickly leave the country. You will lose your job and incur the expense of relocating back to wherever. Apparently, in cases of documented DV, you may be able to work something out, but it is difficult. Too, shelters are closing and for male victims of DV there is nothing.

Even if you have permanent settlement, you are in an environment which you probably do not know as well as that of the home country (with different legal systems), and still face all of the challenges of the immigrant.

It is a very precarious situation that only an immigrant can fully understand, the existence of which makes it even easier for an abuser to retain a position of power.

Please keep us up-to-date! 
Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across - Sun Tzu

Offline aircake

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Re: A message to anyone here.
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2015, 12:28:03 PM »
Hello,

Thank you for the support. I've been feeling down again, but this time I think I kinda knew it was gong to happen, so maybe it was less of a shock.

Reading posts of support does help, it helps you when you know you're not crazy in you, when you're alone with only one person to give you feedback, and the wrong feedback, what else are you going to think ?

I've started my campaign. I'm going to raise money make effort to pick myself up. I've started therapy as well, and I really hope things will pick up.

If anyone else, again, is reading this message and is in the same situation, any messages on this post are also for you.

If anyone has spare $5, I would be ever grateful, but even sharing my campaign can go a long way.

http://www.gofundme.com/nfnth4
Thanks

Offline mapleleafgirl72

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Re: A message to anyone here.
« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2015, 06:41:04 PM »
This also provides other sources of support:

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/abuse/Pages/domestic-violence-against-men.aspx

Apologies for any gender assumptions. Please contact local organisations for help.

Offline phatbeetle

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Re: A message to anyone here.
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2015, 10:57:45 AM »
I'm very sorry to hear this, but also very brave to come to realisation you need help. Mapleleafgirl has posted some good links for you.  I've got no other advice, but just wanted to say, good luck in your journey! 
I've never gotten food on my underpants!
Work permit (2007) to British Citizen (2014)
You're stuck with me!