English husbands

Why is it that so many Americans want to talk about their 'feelings' and want/expect others to talk about their 'feelings' as well?

I brought the subject up as after 9 years of marriage I was finding out how much of himself he was keeping quiet. Work troubles, money and how much he missed the UK. I wanted to find out if this was the same all over or if I had the only one.

He was the same way as me at first, very open, and in the last two years has gotten quieter. If you live with someone who will not give an opinion, tell you how they feel about something, or even talk, how can you truely stay connected? Isn't that what happens when ones strays as they feel left out?

I don't think that it's either right or wrong to talk about feelings, or right or wrong to be more reserved with feelings.  It's really whatever works for the people in the relationship.    

I have friends who are English guys who are soft spoken, reserved, etc. yet have been remarkably candid to me about their feelings. 

I don't think you can generalise about the English.
But I am not English. What do I know about them.

That wasn't a generalization; the comment was referring specifically to English guys who are personal friends of mine.  The point I was trying to make was that although on the exterior they were reserved, once you got to know them, they opened up... I don't think anybody took the comment to be a generalization of the English.   

I don't think that it's either right or wrong to talk about feelings, or right or wrong to be more reserved with feelings.  It's really whatever works for the people in the relationship.    

Well said, Kellie.  For us, we just don't need to talk about 'feelings' so much.  Actions speak louder than words in our relationship.  Also, some people feel things more strongly than others and need to be more expressive of that.  For years, I was a 'passionate' person.  The consequences of this, in my case, were all negative.  For me, it was only after I learned to channel intense feelings in positive non-verbal ways - yoga, climbing, meditation, hiking in the wilderness, etc. - that my life changed for the better.  I'm not saying it's good or bad, it's what worked for me.  I married a man who is very calm and peaceful.  He doesn't hold things in b/c very little angers him or gets him worked up.  That's just his nature.  With him, there's no need to talk much, his feelings are apparent in how he treats our family. 

Me and Frank have been married for 3.5 years and he too was a little on the quiet side at first but now he is pretty much a loudmouth like me. Guess I bring out the best in em!

ditto -- 3 years -- and he is OUT of his shell -- I DRAGGED him OUT --- not too much kicking and screaming -- well -- pleasurable SCREAMING!!! 

ditto -- 3 years -- and he is OUT of his shell -- I DRAGGED him OUT --- not too much kicking and screaming -- well -- pleasurable SCREAMING!!! 

Why would you want to do that ?

Reminds me of the old quote:
A woman marries a man hoping he will change,
A man marries a woman hoping she won't.

Why would you want to do that ?

Reminds me of the old quote:
A woman marries a man hoping he will change,
A man marries a woman hoping she won't.

Because I felt like it.  WHY would I want to be married to a man who didn't socialize?  HELL NO!  We go out -- we meet up with friends and WE socialize -- and HE loves it!

Reminds me of the old quote:
A woman marries a man hoping he will change,
A man marries a woman hoping she won't.

I think that's a load of old bollocks...

...and a fine example of a sweeping generalization. 

Suzanne, your story was lovely! 

My husband was much more talkative with me through email etc, and when I came over here he was much different from when I'd first met him (grief will do that).  I still loved him from his scruffy hair to his toenails.    We've slowly learned to open up to eachother, with a lot of love, trust, and patience.  The hardest thing for us was learning how to argue!   

wench

My Welsh husband is quiet...and it's rubbed off on me!  Growing up my mom nicknamed me "motor-mouth", and now she even sees the change in me.  I like being more quiet.  I used to be somewhat the stereotypical American - loud - obnoxious.

Of course some other Americans that I know here can tell you when I am on my own - I revert! 

My husband said something interesting one time:  When you are comfortable with someone you won't feel the need to talk.  And I don't mean comfortable in a bad way.  He said that to me before we were married.

I still can go on-and-on-and-on about things, but he has taught me that I only need to say something once - he is listening...

Because I felt like it.  WHY would I want to be married to a man who didn't socialize? 

Well, you chose to marry him so I suppose you wanted to be married to him. Then you wanted to socialise, so you changed him from what he was. So he couldn’t have been what you wanted him to be when you married him.
Sounds like a little bit of a paradox but quite a common one judging from some of the posts here.
Anyway, this is just an observation not a criticism. And if you are both happy with the changes, more power to your elbow.

I think that's a load of old bollocks...

...and a fine example of a sweeping generalization. 

LOL...........See above.

Speaking of English husbands, has anyone heard from Howard? Haven't seen him on the forum for months.

Suzanne,, love your story ,, it's very similar to my husband and mine   I think he was scared to death to have such deep feelings for me, but after 5 years, he has begun to hold back a bit on expressing himself.  That said, I have been a bit sickie for the last few weeks, had the flu while visiting the States, and still have a bit of bronchitis, inspiring him to run out to the shop the other night, while I was sleeping off a bad coughing spell, and bring back some sugarfree cough meds, and sugarfree cough drops.  While it may seem no big deal to someone who doesn't know him,, he worries about me being diabetic, and going out to find me some sugarfree meds is one way he shows me how much he loves me, without having to put it into words.  Sometimes it is those little things that just blow me away

Speaking of English husbands, has anyone heard from Howard? Haven't seen him on the forum for months.

Or Laurie???