Author Topic: Can't stop crying!  (Read 1729 times)

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Offline BriKH

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Can't stop crying!
« on: January 06, 2016, 10:39:10 AM »
It's been a week since I had to leave my fiancé in the UK to come back to America to get the fiancé visa. Things haven't been good because I thought I would have had the money for the visa and be apply this week but it doesn't look likely as my family's help has fallen through.

I haven't ever been apart from my fiancé since we met when I was on a Tier 4 visa there and we lived together for nearly two years. This is killing me! Then I stress about questions on the visa application too and I just don't know what to do with myself, really. I was thinking of getting a job while I am here in the US but I don't know if that is really fair if I plan to be here for a short time.

I haven't even called my fiancé yet. Is that bad? We talk through messenger but I know at this point if I talk to him on the phone I will break down in tears :-(

I am devastated not knowing when I will see him again, and knowing I am likely to miss my graduation.

Glad I found this forum to help. The mornings here are the worst as I havent quite adjusted to the time here and I'm up early contemplating everything! :-( thanks for giving me the space to rant!

Online KFdancer

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2016, 01:13:26 PM »
Awww, I'm so sorry to hear you are having a bad week.

Looking for work sounds like a pretty good idea to me.  Could you register with a temp agency and just sign of for short stints?  Would be good to keep your mind off of things.

I'm really sorry your family is pulling out from helping you with the visa costs.  Any other alternative?  Credit card?  Anyone in your family willing to give you a loan for the costs?

Call your man.  Yes, you'll probably cry but you might feel better for it.  Plus, he needs to know what's happening with you.

Hugs!  You will be together before you know it and this will just be a distant memory!

Offline sonofasailor

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2016, 01:20:18 PM »
my family's help has fallen through.

Can't help, or won't help?

If they chose not to help you, which is their right I suppose, it would be a bit of a signal....and I would suggest your fiancée pop over and you guys get married down at the courthouse.
Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across - Sun Tzu

Offline TravelingFrog

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2016, 02:12:24 PM »
Many of us have been in your shoes and it is tough. It's hard to explain how tough it is to people who haven't been through it.

It sucks to be apart from your partner. End of story.

I'd definitely suggest calling him. Do a video call if you can. That helped me a lot. Find a time that suits you both and decide to talk regularly, whether it's for 10 minutes or an hour.

Find things to keep you busy. This is your chance to pack up and get everything ready for your big move. See friends and family that you might not get to spend time with for a while. Go to your favourite restaurant. Eat your favourite US foods. Do you need to go shopping for a wedding dress? Maybe you can have an early bachelorette party with girlfriends in the US.

I'd send DH photos of what I was up to (it was summer, so I took a lot of bike rides to keep busy) and I got crafty making cards to send to him (we were apart for 5 months, I think, and I sent him a card every day). Both took up a lot of my time and made the wait more bearable (but it still sucked).

Once you're back in the UK, this will all be in the past and it will just be a tiny blip in your distant memory.

Remember - as long as you tick all the boxes, your visa should be approved. It's just the waiting that sucks.

Feel free to ask your visa questions here - there are loads of knowledgeable people who are eager to help.
July 2012 - Fiancée Visa | Nov 2012 - Married
Dec 2012 - FLR | Nov 2014 - ILR | Dec 2015 - UK Citizen

Offline BriKH

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2016, 02:27:16 PM »
Can't help, or won't help?

If they chose not to help you, which is their right I suppose, it would be a bit of a signal....and I would suggest your fiancée pop over and you guys get married down at the courthouse.

A bit of both. My father said he would help me as a wedding present but has since decided he didn't want to. My mom can't help. I respect it, definitely, but still hard. We don't want to marry here because we want his son there and he would be unable to get over here.

And thank.you, travelingfrog, I think this forum has been a lifeline. I've briefly been on others but people weren't as nice as they are here.

I am confident we tick all the boxes, just need to submit before I feel better! I will go over everything in the visas & immigration posts when I'm ready just to have another set of eyes from people who have been through this. Thanks again :-)

Offline sonofasailor

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2016, 02:58:49 PM »
I wanted to sneak in and change my post...I think I was grumpy or something.

KF's and Travelingfrog's  ideas are much more positive and helpful...

There was a list of "life stress events" I read a while back....I can't remember all of them....but you are getting hit with several at the same time....

Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across - Sun Tzu

Offline BriKH

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2016, 03:09:05 PM »
I wanted to sneak in and change my post...I think I was grumpy or something.

KF's and Travelingfrog's  ideas are much more positive and helpful...

There was a list of "life stress events" I read a while back....I can't remember all of them....but you are getting hit with several at the same time....

No worries :-) I am definitely stressed out over it all. Can't eat or sleep because of it but I do need to stay busy somehow.

I totally didn't even see kf's post but you are right. I said the same thing about a job but hope the process to even starting a job doesn't take very long. I have asked about loans but it's just after Christmas and a big ask, to which I understand. Just hurting here :-(

I will try to be brave enough to call him! I just tear up a lot!

Offline historyenne

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2016, 04:15:26 PM »
The first time I had to be apart from my now-husband was when he returned to the UK after we had been living together in Japan for a year. I sobbed all the way home from the airport while kindly Japanese people pretended not to notice the crazy gaijin expressing unseemly emotions in public. I'm not normally a sentimental person so it was really surprising how hard it was. What helped me was putting him on Skype in the background while I went about with everyday things; it felt like he wasn't so far away then, and brought back some of the normalcy I'd been missing.

Don't be afraid to cry, it's completely normal :)
On s'envolera du même quai
Les yeux dans les mêmes reflets,
Pour cette vie et celle d'après
Tu seras mon unique projet.

Je t'aimais, je t'aime, et je t'aimerai.

--Francis Cabrel

Offline lyonaria

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2016, 05:34:48 PM »
This is definitely the place for understanding about how hard it is to be apart from your significant other. I'm sure it's even more difficult as you were living together in the UK for 2 years.

My husband, then fiance, and I Skyped nearly every day after I got off work at 5pm Mountain Standard time. He would stay up til after 1am his time to spend anywhere from 30-45 minutes with me sometimes more.  I would then stay up til after midnight my time to spend 30ish minutes messageing or voice chatting with him before he had to go to work.

If you aren't working right now and you both have good internet connections you could video chat and watch a movie or tv together at a more 'normal' time for your fiance. My fiance and I watched Doctor Who together. You could even have meals together, maybe lunch for you and dinner for him?

Everyone's had such lovely suggestions for you. I hope that things go smoothly for you!
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline Sam45

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2016, 06:23:49 PM »
I was going to create a new thread but this is pretty much how I feel. I can't stop crying either. I left him July 31st of 2015 after spending four months setting up our home and brought over our cat and dog. We've been together for nearly 4 years, mostly while he was living on a green card in the US.

We chat on messenger all the time, and Skype or facetime once a week. It's tough, and I cry a lot but honestly, the time has flown. This is the longest we've ever been apart but I couldn't tell you where the time has gone. I really hope the time goes by as quickly for you. the best I can say is do not wait a second longer than you have to to submit your forms and try to go priority. I didn't go priority and I severely regret it.

And about the job, I do suggest you at least look/ apply. I don't know what field you're in but I wish I could have had a job while I've been back. Unfortunately my profession wasn't easy to go back into without a huge time investment (real estate--doesn't pay off for months). If you have the means, a way to get to work (if you still have a car or public transport) it's worth trying, even if you are leaving sooner rather than later. The money will definitely help with the ever-rising costs of the visas.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2016, 06:31:03 PM by Sam45 »

Offline BriKH

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2016, 08:41:09 PM »
And about the job, I do suggest you at least look/ apply. I don't know what field you're in but I wish I could have had a job while I've been back. Unfortunately my profession wasn't easy to go back into without a huge time investment (real estate--doesn't pay off for months). If you have the means, a way to get to work (if you still have a car or public transport) it's worth trying, even if you are leaving sooner rather than later. The money will definitely help with the ever-rising costs of the visas.

It's hard because while I would love a job to keep me busy and earn extra cash, the plan is to get out ASAP. I am not sure I would even get into a position for two weeks before I made my application to leave.

With that being said, I am still trying to get the money together.. :-( May just have to do it.

Today has been a bad day for me. I have been alright the last few days but have had bouts of tears throughout the day. My fiancée sent the paperwork needed and I should receive it tomorrow (no real thanks to Fed Ex for the absolute mess they made of it to begin with to add to more stress). I feel like this is all on me now.

I think I am wearing out my welcome too. I am staying at my mother's, who has no problem with me staying as long as I need to but her boyfriend is the most disgusting person I had met in my life and I have very strong feelings about their relationship, which is known (another story but again, adds to stress). Being around him makes my skin crawl and I just cant seem to get out fast enough.

Online KFdancer

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2016, 09:58:08 PM »
I wish your fiancé had proposed to you on Halloween!   :P ;) ;D

Hig hugs.  This too shall pass.

Offline BriKH

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #12 on: January 16, 2016, 09:59:14 PM »
Good news!  We got the money together for the visa!! I will be working on it this weekend and posting plenty of questions as well as my checklist in visas and immigration soon :-)

Sooo excited!!!

Offline larrabee

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2016, 10:11:04 PM »
Good news!  We got the money together for the visa!! I will be working on it this weekend and posting plenty of questions as well as my checklist in visas and immigration soon :-)

Sooo excited!!!

Yay! That's great, good for you! :D
March 29th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).

Offline TravelingFrog

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Re: Can't stop crying!
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2016, 11:52:54 PM »
Good news!  We got the money together for the visa!! I will be working on it this weekend and posting plenty of questions as well as my checklist in visas and immigration soon :-)

Sooo excited!!!

Congrats, BriKH! That must be a big weight lifted off your shoulders.

Good luck with your app.
July 2012 - Fiancée Visa | Nov 2012 - Married
Dec 2012 - FLR | Nov 2014 - ILR | Dec 2015 - UK Citizen