Need to vent... Not having such a great time

Hello, all. I'm new here and I hope you don't mind me taking a moment to vent.

I'm living in the UK for 6 months. I've been here 2 months so far and I have encountered some very rude people. I'm renting from a live-in land lady and she rents 2 other rooms in addition to mine. It is the weirdest thing I have ever encountered. The house is set up like a hotel. There is no living room. Just a kitchen with no kitchen table (it only has 2 very uncomfortable stools and a small wooden bar to sit at.. it's technically just a counter top). I sprained my ankle 9 days ago and no one has offered to see if I need anything. My only saving grace is the fact that Tesco delivers. I have a few friends that live in the town I'm in (Whitstable) and even they did not offer to see if I needed anything at the store or anything and they know I can't walk anywhere right now in my condition. I don't expect to be coddled or waited on, but a simple gesture would have been nice and very much appreciated. I'm here by myself and I guess I feel a bit vulnerable (I'm a woman in my early 30s).

Yesterday an Austrian woman moved in and she's extremely odd. She's here to learn how to read tarot cards and well, sometimes I try to have a conversation with her but eventually the conversation veers off into crazy town and it leaves me wanting to run away and hide in my room. I find some people utterly exhausting to talk to (maybe this has to do with the fact i"m not feeling my best and need to rest). She told me "I think you need to walk around and move and it will help your ankle..." Well, I told her I know how to take care of my own body (and one of my parents is a doctor, so I know what to do to help my ankle heal).  Walking around right now any long distance will only make it worse as it's extremely painful. It's already bad enough that I can't just go walking around... because I didn't come to England to be stuck in bed all day resting my ankle.

She knocked on my door yesterday asking me to close my window and claimed it was sending a current into her room... but there is a hallway between our rooms and her room is on the other end of the house and the window doesn't face her bedroom. It is literally impossible for it to be affecting her. I told her it was cracked only a tiny amount and she got an attitude iwth me and slammed the door in my face. She also helped herself to opening my new bottle of laundry detergent and using it for her laundry.

I came to England because I wanted to experience living here for once in my life before getting married and having a baby, which my boyfriend and I plan to do this summer when I leave. I have loved England since I first visited in 2013, but my experience now has been very disheartening. I've encountered a lot of rude people and I feel like a human ATM machine. I feel like all I am is someone spitting out cash to these people. I actually cried yesterday because this experience hasn't been so good at all. I'm planning to move out of this place and just sent the woman who owns the house an email telling her I'm looking for something else. She wanted me to sign a contract to stay for 4 more months - and just gave me this Monday when I have been here over a month. Usually you sign these things upon moving in, not a month later. In any case, I'm glad I haven't signed anything yet because I hate it here.  I'm worried about what her reaction will be since I've told her I want to move out and it's causing me anxiety. The woman is a control freak, omg. I feel like I have to stay confined to my room.

Sorry for the rant, I hope you don't mind!

@seasidedays i've done my own venting thread so totally understand how you feel! my body broke down when i moved here along with getting used to a new (and not always friendly culture), it can be so hard. my first year i cried more than i ever thought i could. i'm still learning how to cope but it has gotten easier. i still dont think the UK is for me, but i have made some really great friends and trying to make the best of it, but i do think that sometimes england has a way of beating the will out of you! so just wanted to say i get it!

Thank you, Lalala! It's nice to know someone gets it and it's also comforting. I've felt so isolated since getting here. It's weird because I literally DREAMED of living in England for all these years, fantasized about it. Wanted this for so long. And now that it's finally happening to me, I feel disillusioned and like I don't want it anymore. It's a very strange feeling. I still love England, but I don't think it's for me in the long term. 

Northerners are more friendly. ;-)

I'm sorry you are going through this, it can be such a lonely experience. but at the same time, even though i struggle, i've learned so much about myself and even now i'm still questioning all my pre-conceived notions...about everything! (this would be a longer post to explain what i mean) but in the long run, whatever the next move is, it think it will be informed by what you have learned by moving and showing you want you really want in life.

what has saved me here is meetups and work. my first job here was really lonely but i changed jobs and it helped immensely. may i ask what part of england you are in?

Hey There,

I'd suggest that you read about "culture shock ", which is the way that people adapt to living in another culture.  It's been studied a lot and you can learn a lot about why you feel as you do and how to deal with it.  You can even predict the cycles of your ups and downs, as well.  When you go home, you will also have the mirror image of these ups and downs as you settle in back home.  Find a book about it on Amazon.  What you are feeling is normal and common though and I'm sure your ankle makes it worse.  It will get better though!

That said, your living arrangement sounds really crappy and I'd seriously look into changing it.  I've lived in places like that and it is soul destroying.  I don't know if you've signed a lease or what, but I would skip out and run, even if I had to stay with the Hare Krishnas. 

Sounds like you need a massive change so I'll throw out some crazy suggestions:

Find a pub full of locals , they might be annoying but better than the nutter Austrian lady.

Rent a wheelchair and go tear up the town.  Buy wheelchair tickets to all the shows and take advantage of every perk given to the disabled.  Get treated like royalty.

Take your wheelchair and travel a bit, live in youth hostels and make some friends that want to have a good time

Take your wheelchair to Amsterdam and eat some mushrooms.  That should perk you up a bit. If you can't do Amsterdam, try Brighton

Why not go find your boyfriend?  If you just came here to have fun and it's not happening, there's no shame in going back to spend time with your boyfriend.  I'd be bored to tears coming to London alone and staying at a crap  hole.  All I would want to do is see my family. 

Wether you take my suggestions or not, hang in there, it will get better


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Don't sign any contract, get your stuff and run from there.  Move into a hotel until you find a nice place with proper room mates


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Thank you for the replies! Lalala, I'm in Whitstable (Kent), close to Canterbury. I love this little seaside town but right now I'm finding it to be cruel. I've met some rude people here. Even my "friends" from here are careless. When I sprained my ankle, I was walking across a bumpy old road and stepping onto an uneven, bumpy sidewalk (if in the US, the sidewalk and road would be repaved). My ankle twisted and I flew right into a fence and my face got scratched up too. I had to walk home on a sprained ankle. On the way home, some people came walking toward me on the sidewalk. They saw me coming, but what did they do? Didn't even move over a few inches so I could also have room on the sidewalk. This is common here. So I got off the sidewalk and walked in the road with my sprained ankle.

Jimbo, lol! Your wheelchair suggestion has me giggling. I could use some of those mushrooms right now! 

I'm really depressed living in this house. My room is nice enough, but I feel so uncomfortable with the lady who owns it and the Austrian lady. The other roommate is a nice girl from Thailand who doesn't say a whole lot and is usually gone. I feel so depressed and useless with my sprained ankle. I already paid that lady rent for the whole month and gave her a deposit. Should I ask for it back? Money is not an issue for me right now but I don't want to just throw my money away> I want it back.

My boyfriend lives in South Africa. My plan was to go there when my time in England is up at the beginning of July. He wants me to either go there to him now or find some place in England completely different to explore... but problem is I can only do so much with my ankle. It should be better in a few weeks time.

I'm very sorry you are not having a good time.

BUT the silver lining is that at least you know now that you wouldn't enjoy living in the UK permanently.    It's always good to have taken the risk and to know, than to always dream.

Are you here for work or as a tourist?  If you do not have any commitments, maybe it is worth just heading onto South Africa and being able to enjoy the next few months.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

Your boyfriend sounds pretty wise.  I would go to South Africa immediately, where it's warm and sunny.  There's no shame in not having a super fun time in a windswept English beach town in the middle of winter!   

Some other parts of England could be fun, but the bottom line is that everywhere is going to be windy and miserable.  I'd explore Egypt or maybe Spain. Save England for the summer


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If you are a charitable type, you could go to Calais and help the migrants there. I think they need people to sort clothes and food.  It would be tough but you'd meet interesting people and do something really worth while.  If I had a few months, I'd do the Amsterdam plan for two weeks, then 2 months on a Greek island helping the Syrian refugees not drown. 




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The landlady might give you some money back, and certainly your deposit.  It's worth asking.  You could talk to citizens advice if you need to raise a stink. 


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Argh, I sympathise - sprained my ankle when staying in a hotel in San Francisco and never realised how difficult it is to get around on crutches! Perhaps if you call your friends and explain how difficult you are finding things they will rally round and take you out?

It sounds like you were very unlucky with the place you found to rent, move as soon as you can!

One of my son's friends moved to the UK for a 6 month work contract and had a blast. I think because she rented a room above a bar in a busy area of London and made friends with other expats who frequented the bar. Perhaps Whitstable isn't the best place to be if you want to have fun? If it doesn't work out somewhere else I'd be on the plane to SA to enjoy the sunshine and see your BF.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and I hope your ankle heals really quickly.

I feel for you! I agree with others you nee to get yourself out of that situation.

I know going back to South Africa immediately is a choice, but I will suggest exploring other parts of England, even if it's just a little trip across the regions before going to South Africa. It really is different region to region, and although you have had a bad experience in Kent, you may find the north is more your style. Have a gander at beautiful Yorkshire, check out places like Liverpool, the Lake District, and may be even venture into North Wales (seaside towns that are beautiful, friendly, and full of history!). Just get on a coach/train, get yourself that wheelchair and go :-) (with your deposit money, of course!)

It took me a long time to adjust to living in England, but it was best when I actually got to get out and see more beyond the city I was in.

So I just feel compelled to say this. It's your life and you have choices to make that only you can make.  If you look at this in a long term view and try to imagine feeling physically better than you do now, you may regret not making a slight change and giving an entire island "a go".  These are those moments in life where I focus on the immediate and get the heck out of that strange lodging house you're in, hop on a train and see an area of this island that you've been curious about.  My focus would be that you're technically on an extended vacation. It's not like you decided to move your entire life here and now you're stuck with it.  This is a wrinkle in time and trust me on this, you won't remember the pain of your ankle as much as you'll remember just walking away.


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