I am not adjusting very well and I have zero social life

Hiya Mandy,

I remember you as well.   I've experienced the same as you as far as making friends. It is so very difficult, and I work from home as well, so I have no co-workers.

I'm significantly older than you, and I don't know if that makes it even harder, as most of the people around here my age are very busy with their kids, some of who are even uni age.

When I first got here, I went to town twice a week (I can walk there), just to get out and about. My husband also works from home so we were able to take a lot of day trips. It didn't help me to make friends, but at least I always had a lot to do.

Now that I am working as well, I do try to go to town twice a week still. I talk to *everyone* - and I mean everyone, and I don't care if they think I'm a bit nutty or odd.  I know so many people by their first name now and although they are not yet 'friends', I feel as if I were to pass out in town, there are people who would help me and know my husband's first name.   I know it's not the same as having real friends, but it's made a big difference to me to pass market stalls and go in shops and have people greet me by name, and know a bit about me and we chat for a few minutes. People in town often remark how nice and cheerful I am, and like you, I hide when I am down or upset. I think people would be very surprised to know I have no 'real' friends here.

Very recently I joined a local craft bee in the hopes of learning to crochet, which I've always wanted to do. Most of the women didn't talk to me the first meeting, but I'm hoping if I keep showing up, they'll have to talk to me.   I noticed a couple people brought refreshments to the meeting, so next time I will show up with a big box of cookies. I am not above a little bribe.

Keep your chin up. You seem like a lovely person and like me, I'm sure a true friend is right around the corner for both of us. We just have to keep looking.

 I talk to *everyone* - and I mean everyone, and I don't care if they think I'm a bit nutty or odd.  I know so many people by their first name now and although they are not yet 'friends', I feel as if I were to pass out in town, there are people who would help me and know my husband's first name.   I know it's not the same as having real friends, but it's made a big difference to me to pass market stalls and go in shops and have people greet me by name, and know a bit about me and we chat for a few minutes. People in town often remark how nice and cheerful I am, and like you, I hide when I am down or upset. I think people would be very surprised to know I have no 'real' friends here.

Very recently I joined a local craft bee in the hopes of learning to crochet, which I've always wanted to do. Most of the women didn't talk to me the first meeting, but I'm hoping if I keep showing up, they'll have to talk to me.   I noticed a couple people brought refreshments to the meeting, so next time I will show up with a big box of cookies. I am not above a little bribe.

Keep your chin up. You seem like a lovely person and like me, I'm sure a true friend is right around the corner for both of us. We just have to keep looking.

Great attitude! 

From my experience, it takes a whole lot longer to make friends in the UK. For some reason, I don't mind it. I feel like I had a whole lot of friends back in the states, but when I think about whether we're actually like-minded, well - political posts on fb serve to remind me how different I actually am from them.

Great attitude! 

Thank you!

I forgot to mention (and it may be an idea for people in the same boat) that I worked a market stall for one summer. Market stalls seem to be a dying thing and I didn't make any money, but I did have a lot of fun and met a bunch of people. Again, they aren't 'friends' but it made me feel more a part of things, got me out of the house more and lifted my spirits.  I still get a little professional discount from several of the stall owners, just because I was 'one of them'  - even if only for a few months.

One last thing - if you enjoy them and have room in your life for one, a dog can help you meet people.  That said, our little Westie Lola hates every other dog on earth, but most dogs enjoy playing with other dogs (which means the owners have to get together ).

I forgot to mention (and it may be an idea for people in the same boat) that I worked a market stall for one summer. Market stalls seem to be a dying thing and I didn't make any money, but I did have a lot of fun and met a bunch of people. Again, they aren't 'friends' but it made me feel more a part of things, got me out of the house more and lifted my spirits.  I still get a little professional discount from several of the stall owners, just because I was 'one of them'  - even if only for a few months.

That sounds like a fun idea. I've been thinking about doing something like this or working in a kitchen somewhere (if possible).  What did you sell in the Market? 


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I sold nailpolish, nail art accessories and the like.  

Aww, that sounds quite tough.  It's difficult if you live in small villages and rural places as the usual advice (activities, volunteering, getting out there, etc) doesn't always seem to work for a variety of reasons. 

I don't "buy" the argument of it's hard to make friends in the UK.  I do "buy" the argument that it can be hard in whatever circumstances a person is in to do so though. 
I was just speaking to a young ex-co-worker who moved to the USA several months ago (grew up in Ireland and then she spent the last few years living in Scotland) and she's finding it very very difficult to make friends where she is living at and because of her position/ranking in the company she's moved to. She's a very friendly, outgoing, involved lassie, but she's just not gelling with folks yet.   She'll get there no problem, but you can see it's a strain on her too, having moved to the other side of the world, but having no one there to count on yet. 

I just think making friends is like dating. You have to keep at it and keep trying and making efforts. Sometimes you don't click and sometimes you do. Sometimes it's your best friend you may just meet.  Be friendly to everyone and never give up an opportunity if it's invite, even if you don't think it's "your cup of tea".  Use social media to friend/follow friendly people you've met along the way.   If they accept, brilliant, you can make a connection that way!   If not, no hard feelings, it wasn't meant to be a friendship yet.  (They may accept you later in life as a "friend" on social media).   Just don't give up.

Hopefully you can get some help for your eating disorder too.  Maybe you can contact "Beat"? They've got some good information on what help you can get from the NHS and can hopefully help you advocate if you aren't getting the support you need. 

Hang in there!   
   

I've been in Cardiff a year and I feel, every *single* one of these things. Including the doctors! I've spent two weeks calling every morning trying to get an appointment once. Britain also seems to have an obsession with making everything as early as possible and I'm still used to most things opening at 10ish and closing later.

The trick is I'm living in a big city and I moved from a small town where everyone literally knew everybody else. A lot of it, it seems to me, to do with simply not knowing where the opportunities are to meet people. Like, back home in my town I could go to the local little museum and have fun and talk with great people, or go to the river's swimming spot on a hot day. The library had a lot of groups and events to do. Here, I have no reason to go out and about and therefore I don't find anything and therefore I have no reason to go out... it's a kinda catch 22.

I've been in Cardiff a year and I feel, every *single* one of these things. Including the doctors! I've spent two weeks calling every morning trying to get an appointment once. Britain also seems to have an obsession with making everything as early as possible and I'm still used to most things opening at 10ish and closing later.

The trick is I'm living in a big city and I moved from a small town where everyone literally knew everybody else. A lot of it, it seems to me, to do with simply not knowing where the opportunities are to meet people. Like, back home in my town I could go to the local little museum and have fun and talk with great people, or go to the river's swimming spot on a hot day. The library had a lot of groups and events to do. Here, I have no reason to go out and about and therefore I don't find anything and therefore I have no reason to go out... it's a kinda catch 22.

I'm in Cardiff too! There's a group of Cardiff based expats that meet up from time to time. If you search on Facebook for American Expats Cardiff/Wales you should find the group. 

Also I'm happy to meet up for coffee sometime if you like.


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Ive also just seen your other post where you said you're a knitter/crocheter. There is a local knit and crochet group that meets about once a month on Saturday mornings. I haven't been able to go in ages because I was always working on Saturdays but it was a lovely group when I did get to go.

Here's the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/cardiffknitandcrochet/


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I know how you feel and sorry you are going through this. Ive been here two years and that first year I've never cried so much in my life.I still do but it's getting easier. What has saved me is living in London. I don't like the city but the good thing there's so many different kinds of people. I have gone to several meetups and although it took time, eventually I made friends. Also, switching jobs to an international office helped. I find the other europeans and australians more friendly, I still don't have any English friends other than my husband's but there's still the social barrier there. So definitely try and find meetups or anywhere where you can find a more "diverse" or even American group. Also, talking to people on this board has really helped.

Try to channel your feelings into something else, are you creative or have any hobbies? I remember being on a homesick bender and sitting on a bench crying and started writing a story, which i stuck with for a year.

Another thing that I learned recently with all the shock of moving and depressed, my health was also rapidly declining. And like you, the doctors didn't care at all. I had to do a lot of research on my own. But I started taking vitamin d and b (the lack of sun does a lot of damage!), working out, making an art of properly relaxing and trying to find a diet that worked for me and starting to feel much better. But it all sort of snuck up on me on how unwell I was. I know it's stating the obvious but don't give up on trying to make yourself feel better. with the doctors being so unhelpful, it's sometimes easy to ignore your health and want to give up but keep trying, google has been my doctor.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat

I know how you all feel I have been here almost 6 years and have no friends . I have my license here almost 1 year , have my bus pass am 63 years old ,no job . I live in Glasgow . My husband now wants to move to the US . I am glad , but it is up to me to do all the paper work. I just have no umph !