Author Topic: Scared  (Read 1858 times)

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Offline TryingToUnderstand

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Scared
« on: September 08, 2016, 07:51:41 PM »
Have to leave my partner in less than two months. Having nightmares about the airport drop off and already living the goodbye that hasn't happened yet over and over as well as the long plane ride with nothing but my thoughts. Dad hasn't spoken to me in months bc he's still angry. Not sleeping at night. Realistically facing at least a year before I can come back. Circumstances in the states and money won't allow for visits. So many decisions to make once I get back in the states that I don't even want to think about.
We don't want to break the rules. We just want to be together.

Every day, I remember why I fell in love with him, I remember why I still am and I can see why I always will be.

Offline Dave2726

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Re: Scared
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2016, 08:45:20 PM »
It's really tough leaving your partner behind because you have to go home. Many of us here have had to do it several times over as it's an unfortunate reality of long distance relationships. Hang in there, set goals for moving forwards with your lives together and keep your head up.

What is your current situation? Are you married or dating? What is stopping you from living together?


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Offline lyonaria

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Re: Scared
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2016, 09:05:37 PM »
From someone who understands, don't think about leaving right now. There's no reason to put a damper on your nearly two months left! You've still got all that time! ☺

My fiance (now husband) reminded me, when I was there for 5 weeks after our denial (we didn't do the financial requirement right and I hadn't seen him in 9 mos), to not be sad we still had 3 weeks! You can do a lot in 3 weeks.

Make some plans, figure out how you're going to get your time together when you go home. I know it's hard, I've done it too. Just live in the now while you're here. Don't think too much about what you'really going to do. Enjoy your time together now.

I'm really sorry your dad is upset. You may need to have a face to face conversation when you get back, its not an easy phone call. Parents don't like when their kids move thousands of miles away.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline TryingToUnderstand

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Re: Scared
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2016, 11:02:53 AM »
My partner and I are engaged but hoping to get married before I leave in November. Unfortunately, when we gave notice, we didn't book the venue bc we didn't know how hard it would be to get an opening so now we have to give notice again to change venue. I have to leave in 56 days so if they decide to investigate and take the 70 days this time (they didn't last time so it was only 28 days), we'll be wasting the funds that we don't really have to spare. However, if we don't get married this time, it'll cost us a lot more in the long run so we're feeling pressured to take the risk.

The other thing stopping us is his income. He is having a really hard time finding any work at all, even part time. It will take six months once he starts making the £18600 income before I can apply and then two months to get an approval IF they approve it. It will realistically take 6 months to a year to actually start making that income. He's a brilliant man and a dedicated worker but he was unable to work for years before and recently went on jobseekers so getting anyone to look at him is proving difficult. Realistically, a year to get that income requirement, maintain it for six months and to apply.

I definitely am trying to enjoy the time we have bc two months is a LONG time, it just keeps hitting me. I'm a fighter when I feel backed into a corner and there's nothing to fight. I just have to wait. I'm feeling a bit calmer today.

I had a go at my dad through my mom yesterday and he seemed to get the message. My dad is a hard nosed man with set ideas. I'll be living with my parents when I get back into the states. They have my dog too-that's another nightmare story. Before I left, I had a roommate who freaked out and threw me out when he found out I was in a relationship. He had no reason to think anything was going on between us but he apparently did so I became homeless. I'm relieved in a way bc he was stessful to live with even though I rarely saw him. But it was mostly free-he owned the house outright and paid the utilities, I just paid for everyone's food and I was right on top of my patients for work. My hours at work got cut and losing my room caused my expenses to go up bc of the extra travel to work, etc., so my income went into the red. All of that happened right after I bought the plane ticket here.

I just want to get all the money as quickly as possible to get my application approved. This man is my home. I wish I could go door to door telling people they should hire him lol
We don't want to break the rules. We just want to be together.

Every day, I remember why I fell in love with him, I remember why I still am and I can see why I always will be.

Online larrabee

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Re: Scared
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2016, 12:33:31 PM »
I wish I could go door to door telling people they should hire him lol

You know, that may not be such a bad idea. Maybe not the door to door part but you could certainly help him with the job searching and all that that entails. The sooner he gets that job or jobs, the sooner you can get on with your lives together.  :) 
And of course once you are here on a partner visa, your earnings count towards the next application so a lot of the pressure will be off him then.

I think I remember you saying that he has children here and so doesn't want to move to the US which is a shame as it would be a *lot*  easier for you to achieve.

I hope you are able to pull off the wedding this trip. Good luck!  :)



March 29th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).

Offline TryingToUnderstand

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Re: Scared
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2016, 01:40:44 PM »
xxxx I've helped him rewrite his CV and to write cover letters and given him lots of little known tips. I've done job search and sent him tons of links, etc. He's now learning how to use a smart phone LOL xxx he's a whiz with a computer but cell phones do his head in hahaha I've been training him in care positions as well. He has the heart for it and I'm licensed in the states-it's a leg up. I'd really love to see him doing something with computers though bc that's his passion and skill but so many companies want someone already an expert in their specific program and he's never had a need for most of the ones they want. We're both kicking ourselves for not attending college. Trying to get his license to open up job possibilities but we don't know anyone with a car to teach him and can't afford the courses. Just a lot of hang ups.

Yes, he has four children here xxx I knew from the beginning that he would need me to come here and I never minded bc I love so much about England anyway. Long story short, I fell in love with him near 3 years ago but he was FIRM in that it was only ever going to be friendship. He never disrespected me or took advantage and then after 2.5 years, everything changed. He asked for a chance and said that he hoped him taking so long to see what we could have didn't hurt his chances.

I hope we can marry this time too xx There are many emotional reasons I want to marry him now but it helps a lot of things legally as well.

I'm REALLY excited to see my income can be included later. It bothers me that they put all the pressure on his shoulders. If there are changes in his income during the 33 months, do we need to report it to immigration or does that just come up at application time?
We don't want to break the rules. We just want to be together.

Every day, I remember why I fell in love with him, I remember why I still am and I can see why I always will be.

Online larrabee

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Re: Scared
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2016, 02:22:45 PM »
xxxx I've helped him rewrite his CV and to write cover letters and given him lots of little known tips. I've done job search and sent him tons of links, etc. He's now learning how to use a smart phone LOL xxx he's a whiz with a computer but cell phones do his head in hahaha I've been training him in care positions as well. He has the heart for it and I'm licensed in the states-it's a leg up. I'd really love to see him doing something with computers though bc that's his passion and skill but so many companies want someone already an expert in their specific program and he's never had a need for most of the ones they want. We're both kicking ourselves for not attending college. Trying to get his license to open up job possibilities but we don't know anyone with a car to teach him and can't afford the courses. Just a lot of hang ups.

Yes, he has four children here xxx I knew from the beginning that he would need me to come here and I never minded bc I love so much about England anyway. Long story short, I fell in love with him near 3 years ago but he was FIRM in that it was only ever going to be friendship. He never disrespected me or took advantage and then after 2.5 years, everything changed. He asked for a chance and said that he hoped him taking so long to see what we could have didn't hurt his chances.

I hope we can marry this time too xx There are many emotional reasons I want to marry him now but it helps a lot of things legally as well.

I'm REALLY excited to see my income can be included later. It bothers me that they put all the pressure on his shoulders. If there are changes in his income during the 33 months, do we need to report it to immigration or does that just come up at application time?

That's great, looks like you're doing everything you can already.  :)

I can relate about the smart phone haha, I wouldn't know which way of one was up!

Maybe try asking in the On the Job section of the forum too, I've seen a lot of useful suggestions come up there.  http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=10.0
March 29th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).

Offline TryingToUnderstand

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Re: Scared
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2016, 02:44:42 PM »
Brilliant! I didn't see that section yet xxx will do =) thank you xxx
We don't want to break the rules. We just want to be together.

Every day, I remember why I fell in love with him, I remember why I still am and I can see why I always will be.

Offline inversed

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Re: Scared
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2016, 03:01:21 PM »
Have you seen www.askamanager.com? There are SO many good tips for job-hunting. It's an American-based site but I think most of the advice is universal!

Offline TryingToUnderstand

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Re: Scared
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2016, 10:16:41 AM »
We'll definitely check it out, I've pulled it up now =) Thank you!!
We don't want to break the rules. We just want to be together.

Every day, I remember why I fell in love with him, I remember why I still am and I can see why I always will be.