New to the UK

(I'm not sure this is the right place, happy for a moderator to move it elsewhere if necessary)

So we've finally fought our way through the visa process and my wife will be completing her move here next week. I really want her to feel at home and "settled" as soon as possible, but obviously don't want to force anything. I'm fully expecting her to miss things from the US and want to do what I can to help with that. I'm not too concerned about the "making friends" thing, she has more natural charm than normal people and can easily become best friends with the strangers at the next table in a restaurant before we've finished a starter (I've already warned her that people in restaurants in the UK are supposed to stare straight ahead and not acknowledge anybody else whatsoever  ). Plus she "chats" on facebook with my family and friends more than I do already.
She hasn't traveled much previously, never been to Europe let alone the UK, and is naturally excited just to be here. She will throw herself into it all with buckets of enthusiasm but I'd still be really interested to hear from other people who have been here a while about things they wish they hadn't done, what they wish they'd done more of, what they did do that helped them, in terms of both being happy here and missing friends and family back home as well as life in the US in general.
Thankyou

1.  Set up a weekly time to talk to friends and family back home.  Time differences are no joke.  I talk to my parents every Sunday evening at 6:30pm.  My parents talk to us more than my brother & family who live in the US, as they don't have a standing "date."

2.  Budget for an annual trip home.  Seriously.  This needs to be a major priority in your budget each year.

3.  Recognize that the first six months will be a honeymoon period.  Everything is new and cool.  Lots of photos will be taken.  This is as good as it will get for a while.  Around six months the reality that this is permanent may hit and she may get very very sad.  This is normal and she needs to be allowed to have a pity party every now and then.  ESPECIALLY when something is happening in the US that she can't participate in (Thanksgiving, family get togethers, births, deaths, weddings, etc.).

4.  Encourage her to establish a life outside of you.  Join groups that have similar hobbies.  While the British people are very polite - they aren't necessarily friendly.  Meaning that people will be kind and all, but it's a HARD shell to crack to genuinely become someone's friend.  That will likely take a couple of years.  She'll likely find she has more foreign born friends than locals in those first few years.

5.  Embrace and celebrate her Americanisms.  My husband knows that we WILL be having a massive Thanksgiving and 4th of July celebration with lots of other Americans.  He knows that this is really important to me and he joins in enthusiastically.

6.  For at least the first little while, always have something in the calendar for her to look forward to.  For me, I ALWAYS have to have my next holiday booked before the last one has finished.  Just my thing.   

She's already going to be starting on a great footing just in that you cared enough to post this.  Allow her to feel her feelings, even if you think they seem blown out of proportion at the time.  Crazy, right?  Women sometimes make a big deal out of little things.  hee hee hee   

She hasn't traveled much previously, never been to Europe let alone the UK

Weekend to Italy!!

Thanks KFdancer. A lot of our conversations have been along similar lines to the things you've listed, so that's nice and reassuring.
1. You're right about the time diference, I've lost track of the number of times she's said "honey, I've just noticed it's 1am, aren't you sleepy" while we've been Skyping. I'm hoping she'll set a regular time with her mum at the weekends for talking on the phone. I think Skype for that call is a non-starter, me and my brother-in-law have been working on convincing her mum just to get broadband all this year and we're getting nowhere. she regularly texts with her brother so that should still be ok.
2. Totally agree with this and it's in hand. She's said that she's in no hurry to plan a trip home, but I've told her that as far as I'm concerned my family is twice as big now and half of them are "over there", so I'm going over in the Spring and she's welcome to come with me ;-)
3. This is the one I think I'm most wary of. With her coming over this month there's all the excitement of Christmas to add the new adventure bit, but England during a cold and wet January/February time can be depressing for the happiest of people. I'm hoping that we can get through that while still in the honeymoon period, but yes, i will make sure I'm at my most understanding around major events, especially family ones. She's from a big family (25+ cousins) which works both ways, i.e. she's used to not attending everything, but she gets invited to a lot of stuff and will have to turn down these invites far more often than she's ever done before.
4. This will be an interesting one. She's already in the throes of organising a ladies darts team with my son's girlfriend, her mother and my best friends wife (none of them can actually throw a dart) and I think that will be just the start. But I'm very wary of the subtle "digs" that Brits can throw out without really thinking, and I don't want to become over-protective about it and accompany her everywhere in case I need to stand up for her. Probably more a case of me forcing myself to curb my natural instincts, i.e. I'm the husband, I need to be there to stand up for my wife. I'm sure she can handle it, I don't need to be there all the time. I need to keep reminding myself of that!
5. This will be ok, I'm sure. She's arriving Tuesday, so Wednesday will be spent getting all we need for Thanksgiving. We both love things like the NFL, college basketball and Country music so there's plenty of mutual interest there.
6. I think this will be ok too. As well as the trips home she's issued an open invitation to practically everyone she knows to come visit. If she gets a 25% take up rate we will be busy. Anything over 50% and we'll be buying a lot of bunk beds....
Thanks for the comment at the end, I appreciate that, I just don't want to over analyze too much (it was useful while applying for the visa, will quickly get annoying in normal life!). I love the "pity party" phrase you used, I hadn't heard that before I met my wife. And yes, you do sometimes make a big deal about little things, but then we're more interested in things like cars than we maybe should be. Vive le difference! :-)

sonofasailor: Italy is definitely on our European wish list!

We have moved to a number of countries and have recently moved back to the UK from Australia. My wife is not originally from the UK, so can understand your concern.

The best advice I can give is to get her involved in UK life and in particular some of the things that are different to her own culture but pleasant.

If she isn't from a similar climate, then the weather could be a shock. So, do something to make the most of it. Maybe a trip up to the Highlands to a ski area may be combine with New Year in Edinburgh. Snow always makes the cold seem a lot better.

Maybe you could buy her Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour



Oh, you may have to explain the absolute basics of how to us public transport as many Americans never use it.

Don't worry too much, it will turn out fine.

Hopefully her friends and family will be more adventurous than mine.  I know people who have moved here and have specifically rented/bought a house with space for visitors as so many people were excited to visit.  I've been here a long time - and it's still just my parents who have visited.  I'm not surprised as I moved around the US before here and I know people have great intentions but tend to not always follow through.  And I'm not too dissimilar to other expats around me.  Most have parents visit and that's it.

My experience 100%.  They get no holiday so it's a big ask.

She's already in the throes of organising a ladies darts team with my son's girlfriend, her mother and my best friends wife (none of them can actually throw a dart) …. But I'm very wary of the subtle "digs" that Brits can throw out …

A few wildly thrown darts should keep the subtle digs to a minimum.

We both love things like the NFL, college basketball and Country music

I googled UK country music and came up with this:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OwYVg4n1Qk[/youtube]

Great name for a homegrown country music duo.

Snow always makes the cold seem a lot better.

I've never thought about it that way, but you are so right. The drizzly winters we normally get can sap the spirit. Here's the last big snow we had in our neck of the woods in 2010:


"Hello, BBC weather? Could we have another proper winter wonderland sometime, please?"

You're right about the darts, I hadn't thought about it that way!

And thanks for the video link, I love The Shires and that song, but I hadn't watched the video before. We were walking round most of those places just 6 weeks ago, even that same boot store on Broadway. Now I'm the one missing Nashville and we're supposed to be waiting for her to gain UKC before we move there!