Author Topic: Divorce questions  (Read 601 times)

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Offline Airmom16

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Divorce questions
« on: November 29, 2016, 02:59:21 AM »
Hi everyone I can't believe I'm having to ask this stuff.  I'll give some background first. 
We met online in February of 2012. We dated and became engaged in July 2015. We went to court against my ex husband to change our custody so I could bring my child with me to England. We won and were married soon after in May of 2016.  We turned in our visa application in June of this year and didn't receive our decision made until the beginning of November.  We only had a week and a half to get over cuz visa immigration sat on it for 2 1/2 weeks.  I went over with my son to get school set up and our cards. Then we came back to finish up the school term and work for a bit. We were due to go back December 23rd. But the day before thanksgiving he broke it off.  Said he no longer loved me and would never love my son.  I never saw it coming and have been in shock.

Now I sold my car and my last day of work was the 21st and they've already replaced me.  I told him I expected him to replace my car and give me $5000 to get set up with my son.  I didn't think this was a lot to ask as for a year and a half I've changed my whole life for him, plus he makes $120,000 a year so I thought he'd be happy just to be rid of me.
He says he's going to take me to court to get the part of the visa, flights, and holiday costs back.
Can he realistically do this since he's the one that wants the relationship done not me?
Next can he file in the uk and so I would have to travel over for dicorce proceedings and get a uk lawyer?  We were married in Georgia but I live in Iowa.  If he can file there forcing me to have to have to deal with the U.K. Court system I'd prefer to file here asap.

Please help I'm broken hearted about this and in shock that I'm even having to ask these questions. 

Offline KFdancer

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2016, 08:52:56 AM »
OMG Airadele, I cannot believe this!  I am SO SO SO sorry.  Why is he being so nasty too?  It would be one thing for him to say he's not sure if marriage was the right choice - it's another for him to be mean and nasty.  I think you are dodging a bullet here.

First - do you genuinely think the marriage is broken and irretrievable?

If so, you really want to take control of the situation.  You do NOT want to get divorced in the UK.  You have to be separated for a minimum of two years before you can be divorced!en

Definitely best for you to file in Iowa.  It doesn't matter where you married.

As you were never living in the same country or anything, I imagine it'll be a very simple divorce.  Hopefully he'll come to his senses and realise he should do his best to make you "whole" financially again as you've just ended your entire US life for him.

Keep us updated.  I hope the job search goes well and that you find something even better than what you've had before.

Offline sonofasailor

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2016, 09:02:00 AM »
If so, you really want to take control of the situation.  You do NOT want to get divorced in the UK.  You have to be separated for a minimum of two years before you can be divorced!

I suggest not hurrying anything at all. Get a decent lawyer and thoroughly and leisurely investigate.

He says he's going to take me to court to get the part of the visa, flights, and holiday costs back
 
This means nothing. It is bluster. 
Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across - Sun Tzu

Offline jimbocz

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2016, 01:49:06 PM »
It could have been so much worse for your son if you hadn't found out before bringing him to the UK.  You dodged a bullet and that's worth losing a job and the costs of flights. 

Get a good lawyer and make sure you are protected. 

Offline KFdancer

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2016, 03:40:11 PM »
I am so sorry.  Nothing to be afraid of though, he is far far away!

Personally, I agree with your lawyer.  I would file first, just to be sure it's convenient for you. 

Then I would sit back and let the cards fall a bit.  Get yourself sorted.  Get a job, a place to live, etc., etc.  Put yourself first for a while and deal with him later.

Is he angry about something?  Seems very spiteful.  That's why I would give it time.  Hopefully he'll come to his senses.

Offline historyenne

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2016, 03:44:48 PM »
Divorce is not easy in the UK. You either have to be separated for two years or have grounds, such as adultery. He can't file based on your adultery unless he has proof of it, and if he admits adultery himself then it's going to be pretty hard for him to sue you for money when the marriage ending is entirely his fault. I think he's trying to rattle you, and get out of the marriage as quickly as possible by having you file for a quickie divorce in the US. I agree with sonofasailor. Wait, gather as much information as you can, and don't make any rash decisions.

What a horrible situation and what an a$$hole for doing this to you. I hope you can get your life back together quickly, and put him well behind you.

FYI: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/ending-a-marriage/#h-divorce

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

ETA: I see you have been married for less than a year. In the UK, divorce CANNOT be granted for marriages less than one year old. I really, strongly think that you shouldn't file in the US and let this jerk off the hook. He's trying to manipulate you, don't let him. Good luck.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2016, 03:47:28 PM by historyenne »
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Offline KFdancer

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2016, 03:53:43 PM »
Divorce is not easy in the UK. You either have to be separated for two years or have grounds, such as adultery. He can't file based on your adultery unless he has proof of it, and if he admits adultery himself then it's going to be pretty hard for him to sue you for money when the marriage ending is entirely his fault. I think he's trying to rattle you, and get out of the marriage as quickly as possible by having you file for a quickie divorce in the US. I agree with sonofasailor. Wait, gather as much information as you can, and don't make any rash decisions.

What a horrible situation and what an a$$hole for doing this to you. I hope you can get your life back together quickly, and put him well behind you.

FYI: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/ending-a-marriage/#h-divorce

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

ETA: I see you have been married for less than a year. In the UK, divorce CANNOT be granted for marriages less than one year old. I really, strongly think that you shouldn't file in the US and let this jerk off the hook. He's trying to manipulate you, don't let him. Good luck.

Wow, I didn't realise you could even FILE for divorce until a year had passed.  Airadele - that definitely changes things.  Buy your time.  If you need to file at 364 days of marriage in Iowa.   ;)  Nothing wrong with making him sweat a bit!

Fruitgum

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2016, 06:30:00 PM »
I'm sorry you've had to go through this, and threatening to sue you for the cost of expenditure as a married couple is just low. Document everything he says, keep all emails etc., they are your proof of his unreasonable behaviour.
Your place of residence is the US so that's where you should file. Good luck in what is a very tough situation, but I agree that you and you son are better off without him.

Offline KFdancer

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2016, 08:48:53 PM »
I don't think you'll need a lawyer (if he stops being a jerk).  You have no assets, no kids.  Should be a pretty clean break.

But I agree with Historienne.  Don't let it be easy for him.  At least make him sweat for six months or so, then file.

Offline physicskate

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2016, 09:18:45 PM »
I don't think you'll need a lawyer (if he stops being a jerk).  You have no assets, no kids.  Should be a pretty clean break.

But I agree with Historienne.  Don't let it be easy for him.  At least make him sweat for six months or so, then file.

If you need some compromising photos of him, I have some free time on my hands in the near future. Only half serious. What an eedjit!!! You have my sympathies for marrying such a f***wit.
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Offline KFdancer

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #10 on: November 29, 2016, 09:25:20 PM »
If you need some compromising photos of him, I have some free time on my hands in the near future. Only half serious. What an eedjit!!! You have my sympathies for marrying such a f***wit.

I'll come too!

Offline Airmom16

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #11 on: November 30, 2016, 04:51:14 AM »
Thanks guys.  Its just messed up cuz I still love him a lot.  I just hate what hes doing to my son and I.

Offline phatbeetle

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Re: Divorce questions
« Reply #12 on: November 30, 2016, 06:33:05 PM »
Well this sounds pretty horrific. I'm really sorry. I agree with others though that there is no need to rush into anything.  Take stock and good luck! 
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