Author Topic: Marriage breakdown  (Read 406 times)

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Offline Fred

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Marriage breakdown
« on: January 23, 2017, 12:56:56 PM »
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place for this question.

My USA wife and I are on the brink of the marriage failing. I don't really want to get into the nitty gritty of it all but do need some help on questions I have.
We have been married for just over a year she doesn't want to move out of the house and wants to stay here with a working visa even though she hasn't worked since arrivng here 9 months ago.
Even though she hasn't or won't moved out, do I still tell the Visa Authority that the relationship has broken down giving our address as hers.
The information that I get from the UK Visa website is pretty vague for this situation. Only giving details for when one partner has left the other and us living elsewhere.
What are next steps that they will take. What are her options for staying. What are my responsibilities regarding her finances or lack of them.
Many thanks to you all

Online KFdancer

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2017, 01:01:35 PM »
I'm very sorry to hear about your marriage.

Personally I wouldn't report the breakdown of the marriage until one of you physically leaves the home.  If she won't leave, do you have the option of going somewhere to stay in the meantime?

I wouldn't worry yourself about her visa status.  That will be for her to worry about.  If she doesn't have an employer who is willing to sponsor her, it will be near impossible for her to stay.  But that's neither here nor there.  Once you two formally split, you won't have any control whether she stays or goes.

Finances will depend on your circumstances.  Do you rent?  Is her name on the lease?

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2017, 01:39:25 PM »
Thank you for that..

The house is in my name on mortgage.. it's been my home for 10 years.
Do I have to leave my own house ?
She flaty refuses to go.
For the last week she has been visiting friends  and is planning on staying there at least another two weeks then going to the States for two weeks. They are paying for her ticket. She did have use of my credit card but I've cancelled it asI can't afford to have her run up bills on it. She's also taken the car that is in my name with her being a named driver on the insurance. I have another one but am worried about where she is parking it and any fines parking tickets that might arise. Should I inform the police that she has it.
She won't talk to me only send a text that doesn't really explain very much

Online KFdancer

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2017, 01:48:16 PM »
Well, if she's gone I'd report the breakdown of the marriage to the Home Office.  Are you 100% sure that it is over?  I'd want to be able to say yes to that before reporting it.

I'm familiar with US laws (worked for Orlando Police while in college).  I know there you had to evict someone from your home and can't force them out.  But obviously we are in a different country.  ;)  Why not change the locks while she's gone?  She's affectively abandoned the property at this point, correct?

Yes, I would not allow her access to your bank accounts.  You can remove her from your insurance.  You could certainly call the police non-emergency number for advice (or CAB).  I imagine that as she had permission to use the vehicle and take the car, there isn't much you can do.  But again, when she leaves for the US, there is nothing stopping you from taking possession of the vehicle.

Tell her it's over, that you are (or have) changed the locks, that she can no longer use the vehicle, that you want a divorce, and that you've reported the breakdown of the marriage to the Home Office.  Might want to wait until she's back in the US to tell her, just so she can't damage your property.   ;)

Do you think she really plans to return from the US?  Do you guys have kids?

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2017, 02:01:07 PM »
I don't think that I can legally not allow her entry or ask her to leave the house as we are married.
I think that she is planning to come back to the UK.
Which is why I asked the question earlier about informing the Visa Authority of our relationship breakdown while she is still living at the house and refusing to leave.
But while she is away I can inform them giving her friends address as to her location.
I wouldn't like her to find herself on e return flight only to be refused entry. That would be horrible.
There are no children involved just the two of us.
Good idea with calling the police for their advice regarding the car.



Online TravelingFrog

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2017, 02:13:52 PM »
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage.

I'd suggest you keep a record of communication you've had with her and CAB, police and Home Office about your marriage breakdown. Also things like when you took her off your car insurance, bank accounts, etc, and when you change locks. It's easy to forget the details and without the details, it might be easy for her to paint you as the bad guy.

As KFdancer said, her visa situation is for her to figure out, but if you're not in a relationship anymore, her spouse visa won't be valid and you should report that to the Home Office once you're comfortable.
July 2012 - Fiancée Visa | Nov 2012 - Married
Dec 2012 - FLR | Nov 2014 - ILR | Dec 2015 - UK Citizen

Online KFdancer

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2017, 02:15:38 PM »
Honestly, it sounds like you would greatly benefit from an hour or so with a good attorney.  You need to know what you are and aren't allowed to do.  A letter from an attorney addressed to her could go a long way too.

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2017, 03:38:41 PM »
Thank you for your replies and advice, it really is a great help in such troublesome and quite frankly incredibly distressing circumstances. I got married with the expectation of growing old with this woman, and to have it crumble around me is heartbreaking, but there's only so much a couple can bare.
On the solicitor front. Where would I find one that knows about my particular situation with a non British wife and Spousal Visa breakdown along with the problems arising from that. What search words would be best. I live in Ipswich
I'm going to try again to see if she will talk to me and come to some sort of agreement about ending the relationship amicably and without anger.
I'll keep you posted as to the proceedings. I don't really want to air my dirty laundry but others may well be in the same situation as myself and not know which way to turn. As indeed I don't.

Online KFdancer

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2017, 03:49:52 PM »
Honestly, I would just start with an attorney that specialises in divorce.  The immigration stuff won't complicate much, believe it or not.  I imagine there are no assets and no kids, so should be relatively straight forward.  It's the UK laws that will delay things.

And you have my sympathies.  I was divorced in the US and I know what it's like to have your world crumble around you.  Happy to report that my life has taken a good path since then - so there is life after divorce!

Ideally she'll return to the US and file for divorce from there.  It's likely to be a much swifter process depending on what state she files in, instead of the long drawn out process here.

You'll get through this - I promise.  Feel free to come vent here if needed.  You are anonymous here.   :)

Offline sonofasailor

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2017, 04:21:25 PM »
I am uncomfortable with this.
Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across - Sun Tzu

Online KFdancer

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2017, 04:23:52 PM »
I am uncomfortable with this.

Something not passing the smell test SoS?  Unfortunately these things happen....   :-\\\\

Offline sonofasailor

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #11 on: January 23, 2017, 04:32:46 PM »
Immigrants are in a precarious position. Those on marriage visas are one phone call away from deportation. It makes for an almost archaic imbalance of power.
Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across - Sun Tzu

Online KFdancer

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #12 on: January 23, 2017, 04:46:45 PM »
Immigrants are in a precarious position. Those on marriage visas are one phone call away from deportation. It makes for an almost archaic imbalance of power.

I don't want to take this thread down into the weeds... but uh oh, here we go!

It is scary.  But the imbalance of power can work both ways.  It's one of those things people REALLY need to understand when entering into an international relationship/marriage.  My entire life depends on my husband.  Not financially per se, as I'm working and such.  But my entire existence in the UK does.  It was a big decision for me to switch from a work visa to a spouse path.  Putting all my eggs in his basket - especially as I've been burned in a marriage in the past.  But I can't make my husband pay for what another guy did to me, you know?  Got to have faith and trust.

What's uber scary is having kids with someone in a different country.  If my husband left today, I would be 100% stuck in the UK.  We have our daughter and our son on the way.  I couldn't move back to the US without his permission.  So I'd be stuck in this country with TRULY zero support until the kids were adults.  That's also a mega imbalance of power.  Not to say that an involved dad shouldn't have his kids in easy reach.  But I know of more than one woman in real life who's kids have dead-beat dads and yet they are completely and utterly stuck living in the UK (granted, I only have the woman's side of the story).

As for the OP, I have no reason to not believe that his life is falling apart before his very eyes.  Unfortunately it sounds like his wife isn't invested in the marriage.  And I feel for the guy.  It's hard!

Offline AV

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2017, 08:02:20 AM »
My heart breaks for you, Fred. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that you can find some comfort as you try to move onto the next stage of your life.

Met my wife in January of 2015
Engaged February 10, 2017
Married March 3, 2017
Hoping to move to the UK in late spring or early summer of 2017!

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2017, 01:56:49 PM »
Firstly I'd like to thank those people that replied to me.

To sonofasailor... You're right it does smell... To have put so much time effort and money I to getting her over here (she hasn't contributed a single penny in any of it).To watching your happiness go down the drain. Yes it stinks.

Heres an update of what's been happening.

It's now been nearly 4 weeks now since my wife left to see her friends and I've had no communication at all from her. She has cleared the joint account and from the date of withdrawal I can only presume that she's still in the UK.
I have been to see a solicitor and the situation is this..... If she does come back she can have access to the house until such time as we are divorced.
To this endI have filled out the forms regarding the breakdown of the marriage and sent them off to the Home Office Curtailment.
I've filled out the divorce papers and they'll be going out early part of next week.
The advice I was given was that due to the short period of marriage and her lack of contributions she's pretty much not entitled to get any financial settlement from me.

I haven't slept well for a single night since she left. I only hope that she'll answer the phone or messages.