Author Topic: Marriage breakdown  (Read 1511 times)

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Offline KFdancer

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #15 on: February 08, 2017, 02:04:25 PM »
I'm very sorry Fred!  I hope you can have a swift clean break sand start to heal.

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #16 on: February 14, 2017, 10:33:57 AM »
So sorry that this is all happening to you Fred :( Did they say if you could do anything about her draining your bank account?!

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #17 on: April 23, 2017, 11:52:04 AM »
Since I started this post towards the end of January things have now progressed.

I didn't receive the form saying that she had got the divorce petition papers and she was refusing to communicate with me on any level.
I called the police and got their advice regarding the car. To cut a long story short... I sent her an email stating that I wanted the car back or the police would be involved and she sent one back saying I could go and collect it.... Good news.
I had to apply to the court to have duplicate papers sent out to a process server who was going to the address I had to make sure she indeed got them. Two days before they were going to try and serve her I got the form in the post saying that she had received them and the divorce can now go ahead.

It's been a long horrible and expensive journey for me and it didn't work out. I feel a huge sense of loss and failure. I'm still grieving for what could have been, but as the weeks and months progress it does get a little better.

My advice to anyone embarking on getting married and moving here on a Spousal Visa is to come over on an extended holiday visa... (you can stay for 6 months) and see if you actually can live here. It's a different world to thinking you will and being here.

If anyone needs advice on what to do for a DIY Divorce I'm now unfortunately pretty much an expert.

There'll be one more post after this one when the Decree Absolute comes through and I can finally say it's done.


Offline anais97

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #18 on: April 24, 2017, 08:12:51 PM »
Just to say that I'm sorry for your heartache, Fred. Whether international or not, divorce can be exceptionally distressing. But things do brighten. Best to you in future.

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #19 on: April 24, 2017, 08:37:40 PM »
Thank you so much Anais.. From your lips to Gods ears!!!

She came to my house today and got the last of her things.( She brought the police.. what stories has she told... dear God in heaven)
 I feel as though I've just been to a funeral and the person we were saying goodbye to was me.
I guess as I'm the voice of what can go wrong when you don't truly know the other person but put your trust and soul on the line.

Sorry to everyone that has the future to look forward to.

Offline Sirius

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #20 on: April 28, 2017, 10:27:18 PM »
Thank you so much Anais.. From your lips to Gods ears!!!

She came to my house today and got the last of her things.( She brought the police.. what stories has she told... dear God in heaven)


There a lot of posts around on forums from those who bring over a new spouse and are then shocked at the claims that spouse makes. The UK seems to have tightened up the domestic violence route now because of too many false claims.

Have you advised UKVI that your marriage has broken down, as you are required to do?
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/inform-ukvi-of-a-relationship-breakdown-statement-and-consent-form


Offline AV

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #21 on: April 29, 2017, 03:55:21 AM »
Sounds like you've taken some good steps to protect yourself. I hope you got your car back, too.

What an awful situation all around. I hope things improve for you.
Online application submitted April 5, 2017
Biometrics & shipping to UK April 17, 2017
Email confirmation from Sheffield April 24, 2017
Submitted ToR May 12, 2017
Decision email: June 2, 2017

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #22 on: April 29, 2017, 07:55:09 AM »
To Guru....Yes I've informed UK VISA and sent off the form to the Curtailment place.
I have no idea as to what they have done. I'm not sure I want to know in truth.

To Junkie... A week before the time limit was up I received a text saying I could go and get the car. It was a 700 mile round trip from my town to Sheffield where was she staying but at least that was another worry off my shoulders.
I've done as much as I possibly can to.insulate myself from anymore financial burden. I closed the joint bank account after she wiped it clean. Went to see a solicitor for an hour with all my questions as to what and how much my responsibilities are.

My heart just needs to heal and hopefully this awful gut churning feeling will finally stop. When... I don't know. I'd never been truly in love with someone before and now I have 1st hand knowledge of how much pain a broken relationship can hurt.

Offline lyonaria

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #23 on: April 29, 2017, 09:17:52 AM »
Hey Fred,

Guru and Junkie are the level of posts people have made here on UKY. The people's names are Sirius (guru) and AV (junkie) you even have a level. Their names are above the little plaque looking things.

I am so sorry you're in the middle of a divorce, I can't even imagine what a going through your head right now.

I hope you get some peace of mind and I wish for you all the best.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #24 on: April 29, 2017, 03:13:28 PM »
I closed the joint bank account after she wiped it clean. Went to see a solicitor for an hour with all my questions as to what and how much my responsibilities are.


Did you find out in the end if there's anything that can be done about the draining of the bank account??

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #25 on: April 29, 2017, 03:31:17 PM »
Did you find out in the end if there's anything that can be done about the draining of the bank account??

There was nothing I could do about it. We both had access to it. If I'd have thought about it I would have taken out half when she left to make it fair. Luckily there wasn't much in it as she hadn't worked for a single day while here and I only put a few hundred in.
If anyone else is in this position I suggest one of the 1st things you do is to take out your half of any finances. I never expected her to clear the whole thing as none of it was really hers.. but she did.

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #26 on: April 29, 2017, 03:42:35 PM »
Oh man..that's rubbish, I'm sorry :( At least it's as you said and there wasn't too much in there to drain but that still sucks.

Not sure if it helps anybody else or how other people do it, but we have our own accounts at HSBC that links into a joint account. We calculated our outgoings for bills/food every month and we both put our half into the joint account where it's automatically direct debited. The rest we get to keep in our own accounts for personal spending but we'll top up the joint here and there if necessary. We also have a joint savings for when we find we have extra money come the next month's pay day. Thought I'd post this in case somebody is afraid of having their money drained but wants to make sure bills are paid fairly (we didn't do it because we were afraid of money being drained. for us it was more so that we'd have an easy way to get my name on a bank account when I first moved here but so that we could share the bills fairly without combining everything - but it will work for people that might want to be more cautious).

Offline Sirius

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #27 on: April 30, 2017, 12:55:17 PM »
Since the UK have shut down all the easy visas to the UK, there have been lots of other tricks used to try to get to and then stay in the UK. If you read the other not so honest immigration sites, you will find what these people do.

Here are two of them-

Marriage, get to the UK and then claim domestic violence. This is now much harder to get as the rules have been tightened due to all the fraudulant claims. I've seen some come unstuck on this as they used an EEA citizen spouse for this, not realiasing that wouldn't work as the spouse must be British.

Have a British child. i.e. get pregnant/get the British spouse pregnant,  is another well worn path. When that child is born they then try to use that British child to stay in the UK. You might want to be wary of any reconciliation if she finds her DV route won't work.

Sorry to sound blunt, but this information on how to get to the UK, is all over the internet and the spouse visa is the easiest visa to get, along with trying to get EEA citizenship.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2017, 01:11:18 PM by Sirius »

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #28 on: April 30, 2017, 01:39:27 PM »
Makes me sick to think that people would falsely claim domestic abuse to be able to split up but remain in the country

Offline Fred

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Re: Marriage breakdown
« Reply #29 on: April 30, 2017, 02:27:35 PM »
I have no evidence to say that she's made allegations apart from when she came here to collect her things with the police. Perhaps her friends have her the advice to get the police to come round too.
I have it on good authority that she has returned to the States. I feel very lucky that she didn't try to claim any money or anything but then again with no money of her own how would she have been able to afford the costs of making any such claim.