Author Topic: Alone  (Read 2396 times)

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Offline Neveen

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Alone
« on: January 26, 2017, 05:10:06 AM »
Been living here in the UK for 2 years, I'm visually impaired so I work from home on the computer, my marriage is falling apart and I am completely alone here, no one to talk to about any of this...

I just want to scream.
I feel like my world is falling apart.

Offline sonofasailor

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Re: Alone
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2017, 06:33:25 AM »
It can be so hard.
Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across - Sun Tzu

Offline jimbocz

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Re: Alone
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2017, 10:00:46 AM »
Anyone would feel isolated if they worked at home alone on the computer all day. 

Do you make some effort to get out into the world, get some exercise and talk to some different people?

Offline BriKH

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Re: Alone
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2017, 11:38:15 AM »
Really sorry to hear that Neveen. Sometimes I feel the same and that I have no one to talk to about things such as my relationship and feel like I have a lack of a sense of 'family'. It sucks to feel like you have to keep everything in. I have found that these boards help, so hope you're able to stick around for a while and chat to us!

Offline phatbeetle

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Re: Alone
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2017, 11:45:36 AM »
Aww, Neveen. How can we help? 
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Offline Neveen

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Re: Alone
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2017, 02:21:53 PM »
Anyone would feel isolated if they worked at home alone on the computer all day. 

Do you make some effort to get out into the world, get some exercise and talk to some different people?

I used to walk everyday for awhile to the park near my house but I'd end up just sitting in the park by myself, I guess I'm just not used to it even after living here for 2 years. I think I just needed to vent! I feel a bit better now, as silly as that sounds.

Offline jimbocz

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Re: Alone
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2017, 02:47:42 PM »
I'm glad we could help. 

Every day I go to the same coffee shop and have a cappuccino.  Gradually we've become more friendly and it's super nice to go somewhere where they are happy to see me.  Granted, I am buying so calling it a friendship might be a stretch.  Still, maybe a habit like that might break your boredom a bit.

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Alone
« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2017, 01:37:53 PM »
I'm glad we could help. 

Every day I go to the same coffee shop and have a cappuccino.  Gradually we've become more friendly and it's super nice to go somewhere where they are happy to see me.  Granted, I am buying so calling it a friendship might be a stretch.  Still, maybe a habit like that might break your boredom a bit.

No you're totally on to something! The more you go to one specific location (like a small business/coffee shop/pub) the more you'll start seeing the same faces and the friendlier the relationship will become. Yes you are technically buying the friendship, but it definitely helps cheer up your mood! I used to go to the same Starbucks almost every day and eventually they started remembering my name/order. Yes they probably cared because I occasionally tipped them and maybe they were just making polite conversation, but it did help me feel happier knowing that somebody outside my relationship with my husband knew about my existence and cared enough to even have casual friendly chit-chat even if it was just for a few minutes while they made my coffee.

Neveen : Happy to listen to you vent if you ever just need a friendly ear  :) Have you tried just putting yourself out there and joining activities on MeetUp.com or something?

Online TravelingFrog

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Re: Alone
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2017, 01:56:59 PM »
I worked at Starbucks in the US for three years and I never once thought the customers were 'buying' my friendship.

There were customers who were more chatty and who would come in regularly - these customers we got to know better and if I saw them outside the shop, we'd chat. I never paid attention to how much or little they tipped. They were just a friendly face and while I'm sure I brightened their day, they also brightened mine. Since moving to the UK, I've chatted a bit with baristas in Starbucks and while I'm not a regular, they still seem genuinely interested in chatting (if they've got time) once they learn we've got something in common.

Another bonus of Starbucks is that it's exactly the same as in the US, so it's easy to feel at home.

I also work from home and it is hard to find people to hang out with. Even though my work is 100% remote, I make time to meet up with colleagues for lunch each week. I don't work directly with them, but once you know one person, they know someone else and on and on.... Some days, our weekly lunch crew is around 10 people. It's great to see people, even just for an hour, and get to know the new people who started in the office. if you can plan a meet up, whether it's necessary or not, with work colleagues, that can be a great way to get to know people.

UK Yankee is also a great outlet for chatting about anything going on in your life. We're here to help!
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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Alone
« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2017, 02:43:49 PM »
I worked at Starbucks in the US for three years and I never once thought the customers were 'buying' my friendship.


In fairness, I've never felt personally like I was buying or tipping my way to friendship (in either the US or UK Starbucks), I just meant more in response to jimbocz's comment about potentially buying friendship that I guess technically maybe you are in some cases and - if that was the case - it didn't really bother because it seemed pretty genuine. The fact is, the more you go someplace and become a "regular" the more friendly said employees and other regulars will be with you and it will help get you interaction outside of potential isolation :)

Definitely a valid point about the US and the UK Starbucks being exactly the same (minus some menu items) so it's easy to feel like home.

Quote
I also work from home and it is hard to find people to hang out with.

I don't even work from home and I admit it's HARD to find people to hang out with outside of husband and husband's friends. It's definitely hard making friends of your own (and it doesn't discriminate against how outgoing or reserved you are either). 3 years on and I still feel like I haven't made as much progress with that as I would've liked by now..

Online TravelingFrog

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Re: Alone
« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2017, 03:15:10 PM »
I worked at Starbucks in the US for three years and I never once thought the customers were 'buying' my friendship.

There were customers who were more chatty and who would come in regularly - these customers we got to know better and if I saw them outside the shop, we'd chat. I never paid attention to how much or little they tipped. They were just a friendly face and while I'm sure I brightened their day, they also brightened mine.

In fairness, I've never felt personally like I was buying or tipping my way to friendship (in either the US or UK Starbucks), I just meant more in response to jimbocz's comment about potentially buying friendship that I guess technically maybe you are in some cases and - if that was the case - it didn't really bother because it seemed pretty genuine. The fact is, the more you go someplace and become a "regular" the more friendly said employees and other regulars will be with you and it will help get you interaction outside of potential isolation :)

Sorry x0Kiss0fDeath - I wasn't meaning to correct you, just give a barista's perspective. ;)

DH and I are in Italy at the moment and once we start going to a shop regularly, we start to get recognised, especially in the smaller shops. Beause of the language barrier there's no switch in conversation, but you can fell their demeanour changing. A smile and little patience can go a long way. :)
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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Alone
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2017, 03:18:12 PM »
haha it's okay, I didn't think you were correcting :) I just wanted to clarify as I realised what I wrote might've sounded a bit different than what I actually meant.

Offline jimbocz

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Re: Alone
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2017, 03:40:38 PM »
Just got back from my coffee run.  They were super busy, so they asked me to fill the hopper on their grinder.  Most fun I've had all day. 


Offline jimbocz

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Re: Alone
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2017, 04:22:35 PM »
Hey Neveen, did you see that there are at least 4 people responding who have also felt lonely enough that they felt they had to do something about it. 

Offline Karlee

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Re: Alone
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2017, 08:17:29 PM »
It's funny I found this. Coincidentally, I have a GP appointment tomorrow to address depression and anxiety concerns I've had lately. It's been going on for several months. Just been going through a rough patch in my life (homesickness, job concerns, money concerns), and I'm having difficulty coping. To top it off, my husband, who's in the UK military, will be working overseas for 6 months. He leaves soon. I know it's just part of his job and it'll be a good opportunity for him, but I'm worried at the same time (and NOT just at the prospect of being alone over here).

You're definitely not alone  :)

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