Author Topic: So effing screwed  (Read 2338 times)

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Offline lyonaria

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So effing screwed
« on: February 03, 2017, 02:06:31 PM »
I am having a horrible week.

My job sucks.

My husband has been very little help with pulling together visa paperwork. Of which I was supposed to apply ASAP for. I asked him for his passport over 3 weeks ago. Didn't start looking for it until a week later. Can't find it. 'My number is on some of the old paperwork. We're okay." Yeah to fill out the damn online form.

Then he's out on a dogwalk with me last Saturday and breaks his leg.
While we still don't have the payslips and letter we need because his boss was out of the office. I take today off to get the damn bank statements printed off, which 'you didn't tell me we needed those'. He's been there for 3 other applications, we always need the effing bank statements. He never turned the paper statements on like I asked him to. So I now have to wait a week more for those because they can't print them back that far. AND. HE THINKS HIS PASSPORT MAY HAVE BEEN THROWN OUT WHEN WE MOVED.  Oh, and he has no idea because he wasn't helping with that. And has never once in the year and several months tried to find it.

Maybe i'm just not meant to be in the UK. Work hasn't ever gone smoothly. I don't really have any friends to spend time with. I just want to cry.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline jimbocz

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2017, 02:28:33 PM »
Ooooh, I hear your rage!   Sorry things are tough.

Right now my wife is going through that same paperwork hell and I see elements of my own actions in your descriptions of what your husband is (not) doing.  You made me sorry for my own slackness. 

He owes you flowers.

Offline jimbocz

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2017, 02:30:15 PM »
Tell us about the dog walk that lead to a broken leg.  Must have been extreme!

Offline writeshawnna

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2017, 02:33:43 PM »
OMG. First off, take a deep breath. Repeat after me, "I WILL NOT KILL HIM (yet)."

My husband is like this too, if it helps at all. We've been looking for a new house for a year, in a place where rentals are snapped up like hot cakes, and he has ZERO sense of urgency. I've been asking for a discussion on our financials for ages, "oh, I have to update the spreadsheets, I have to do this, I have to wait for a blue moon, etc..." FINALLY got an offer in on a place and it's when do you NEED the passport copy (last Friday), well you only asked this morning (for the 4th time).

I get you. I don't really have any advice except to not kill him, if you can manage.
Met at Disneyland Paris: spring 1995
Dated long distance: off & on 2008-2014
Our twin boys were born: Sep 2009
Engaged: Oct 10, 2014
Married: December 5, 2014
Online Application & paid PRIORITY Submitted: Dec 22, 2014
Visa Received: Jan 14, 2015
Arrived in the UK: Feb 28, 2015
FLR(M) application mailed: Sep 12, 2017

Offline KFdancer

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2017, 02:39:38 PM »
Big hugs!  Those kind of weeks (sometimes months) happen to all of us no matter how long we've been here.

At least you know what you are doing for the renewal.  ;)

Offline TravelingFrog

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2017, 02:43:14 PM »
That sucks.

Visa applications and all the docs they require are stressful enough on their own. A stressful job and a disorganised husband certainly don't help.

When do you need to apply for your extension by?
July 2012 - Fiancée Visa | Nov 2012 - Married
Dec 2012 - FLR | Nov 2014 - ILR | Dec 2015 - UK Citizen

Offline margo

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2017, 03:22:16 PM »
Then he's out on a dogwalk with me last Saturday and breaks his leg.
While we still don't have the payslips and letter we need because his boss was out of the office. I take today off to get the damn bank statements printed off, which 'you didn't tell me we needed those'. He's been there for 3 other applications, we always need the effing bank statements. He never turned the paper statements on like I asked him to. So I now have to wait a week more for those because they can't print them back that far. AND. HE THINKS HIS PASSPORT MAY HAVE BEEN THROWN OUT WHEN WE MOVED.  Oh, and he has no idea because he wasn't helping with that. And has never once in the year and several months tried to find it.

Is this his normal personality or is it a change? The reason I'm asking, is between the broken leg and the memory loss - that can sometimes be a medical condition. (Sorry, the zebra in me is always on the lookout for things that could possibly require a doctor's help vs just a person a being a jerk.)

Take deep breaths. See if you can find the passport photo page you sent with the last application, and definitely get an order in for a replacement asap. And make sure he calls his HR department for the pay slips (if his boss is out, there should be a person who makes decisions in his absence.) I'm sorry so much is sucking right now :( Seems to be a trend. I hope things turn around quickly!
Met: 2013
Married: 2016
Biometrics: 7/25/17
Mailed: 7/29/17
Confirmation Email: 8/2/17
Decision Email:
Received:

Offline lyonaria

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2017, 03:43:55 PM »
Ooooh, I hear your rage!   Sorry things are tough.

Right now my wife is going through that same paperwork hell and I see elements of my own actions in your descriptions of what your husband is (not) doing.  You made me sorry for my own slackness. 

He owes you flowers.

Thanks jimbocz. He is a really great guy and I love him, he's just not good with deadlines at home... He even told me I was procrastinating with this application when I've been collecting post for 2 years.

He does have a broken leg, and it's really painful. He might have to have surgery if the bone shifts this week. So everything is stressful.

You'd think that breaking your leg on a dog walk would involve something exciting, but it really doesn't. My husband has crohn's and was on steroids for quite a long time so that may have effected his bones. Basically, he was running with the dogs and slid or caught his toe an he said he felt it crack and he stayed down.

We waited for the ambulance for an hour. It got dark, and really cold. And he was laying there on the wet muddy ground. I'd taken the dogs home after we called for the ambulance and came back to him. It took about 2 hours to get to the top of the hill where the ambulance was. They needed 6 people to get him out because of that hill.

He broke his leg at 4:40pm. They didn't release him until about 11:45pm. It would have been all around easier if it had been me.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline lyonaria

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2017, 03:48:30 PM »
OMG. First off, take a deep breath. Repeat after me, "I WILL NOT KILL HIM (yet)."

My husband is like this too, if it helps at all. We've been looking for a new house for a year, in a place where rentals are snapped up like hot cakes, and he has ZERO sense of urgency. I've been asking for a discussion on our financials for ages, "oh, I have to update the spreadsheets, I have to do this, I have to wait for a blue moon, etc..." FINALLY got an offer in on a place and it's when do you NEED the passport copy (last Friday), well you only asked this morning (for the 4th time).

I get you. I don't really have any advice except to not kill him, if you can manage.

No, I haven't killed him, yet. But it certainly annoys the hell out of me that he has no sense of urgency (thank you for coming up with the right words!).

I hope that things are going smoothly on the new house for you! It can be SO frustrating. And he says I misremember things, but oh his memory is perfect. You can't kick a man with a broken leg though...
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline lyonaria

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2017, 03:50:03 PM »
Big hugs!  Those kind of weeks (sometimes months) happen to all of us no matter how long we've been here.

At least you know what you are doing for the renewal.  ;)

Thank KF Dancer. I do know what I need to do. But that doesn't get rid of the dread. You know you aren't likely to be refused... but there is that possibility. *sigh*

My big worry at the moment is I don't think our post is going to fly. If he had turned the statements on like I asked him to right when I moved, we would be okay now...
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline lyonaria

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2017, 03:53:27 PM »
That sucks.

Visa applications and all the docs they require are stressful enough on their own. A stressful job and a disorganised husband certainly don't help.

When do you need to apply for your extension by?

Well, my job has kind of been on me for it since before I could even apply.  [smiley=beadyeyes.gif] The job itself isn't stressful, it's boring as all get out, but the company is terribly disorganized and they have crappy policies.

But it expires Feb 20th. So I do have a little bit of time, but it's getting a bit tight.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline lyonaria

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #11 on: February 03, 2017, 04:00:36 PM »
Is this his normal personality or is it a change? The reason I'm asking, is between the broken leg and the memory loss - that can sometimes be a medical condition. (Sorry, the zebra in me is always on the lookout for things that could possibly require a doctor's help vs just a person a being a jerk.)

Take deep breaths. See if you can find the passport photo page you sent with the last application, and definitely get an order in for a replacement asap. And make sure he calls his HR department for the pay slips (if his boss is out, there should be a person who makes decisions in his absence.) I'm sorry so much is sucking right now :( Seems to be a trend. I hope things turn around quickly!

Thank Margo. No, it' something he's always done, which has always annoyed me. He's been doing it since I've known him and my first fiance visa application back in 2013. We had to wait until after the 27th of January for him to get the letter and payslips since December's was quite a bit outside of the 28 days. 

He did bring them back on Monday when he went in with his broken leg and was sent home. As KissofDeath said, he doesn't really have a sense of urgency.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline lyonaria

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2017, 04:03:01 PM »
And.

I found the damn passport. It was in a box that probably hasn't been touched since we moved. SO frustrating. At least I can finish filling out my paperwork.

I do need to make copies though. Not driving is a huge pain in the butt when your usual ride breaks his leg.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.

Offline TravelingFrog

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #13 on: February 03, 2017, 04:23:54 PM »
And.

I found the damn passport. It was in a box that probably hasn't been touched since we moved. SO frustrating. At least I can finish filling out my paperwork.

Woohoo! [smiley=2thumbsup.gif] One less thing to worry about.

At the very least, I'd keep passport numbers written down somewhere safe. We did that for my passport, my BRP and DH's passport. Better safe than sorry!

Quote
I do need to make copies though. Not driving is a huge pain in the butt when your usual ride breaks his leg.

Once we got a scanner/printer, we made copies of everything important. A scanner/printer makes visa applications a million times easier! [smiley=deal2.gif]
July 2012 - Fiancée Visa | Nov 2012 - Married
Dec 2012 - FLR | Nov 2014 - ILR | Dec 2015 - UK Citizen

Offline KFdancer

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Re: So effing screwed
« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2017, 06:00:13 PM »
Finding the passport is huge!  Woohoo!

My mom broke her leg when they were here visiting this summer.  Fun times!   ::)

I'm in the US right now.  Want me to pick something up for you as a little boost?