Who actually PLANS on staying in the UK?

I am right there with Cleacia...visited but never lived there...

but on to the topic of death....

I have always wanted my ashes spread on the Ocean or sea... maybe somewhere off of a boat in the middle of the Atlantic might be fitting....

Lisa........
I'm curious how I will do over there.

With this one sentence, you've given it more thought than I ever did. I just leaped. Was that good? The first month convinced me it was the worst thing I could have ever done, leap so blindly.

But there's a difference here, you are already with your husband. No matter where you go, you have each other. Not only was I coming to a place, I was (more importantly) coming to a person.

It's now wonder you're questioning how you would do. You probably have it pretty okay where you are now, so what's the big deal in moving? Will it even be worse?

It's worked out really great for me. And I can encourage you to make that step because I have a tendancy to be optimistic anyway. (My brother once told me that whatever situation I'm put in, I always land on my feet...and looking back, I guess he's right.) Now, if the shoe was on the other foot and my husband decided he'd had enough of the UK, would I be excited to move back? NO!!!!

I guess I'd better answer my own question. I'd do the ashes bit and I'd want them scattered, probably in this country, certainly not held anywhere in an urn. I want my "memorial" to be in something I have left behind that's helped or inspired others. When I worked in magazines, I felt I had temporary immortality. As long as someone saved one of the things I did and it had my name in it as having done it, then that satisfied. Now I think I want to write a book, and have my name in Waterstones and amazon.co.uk.  

We plan to stay once we get there.  We haven't ruled out a calamity that would require us to move back to US but our plan now is forever, or at the very least 5 years.  
That sounds funny, huh.
See, we want to move there and stay.  It never occurred to us that we wouldn't.  And then one day my Mum (MIL) happened to start talking about when she moved here (to marry my FIL-they are now divorced) and how she never thought she would leave blah blah.  So dh and I sat down and said, "OK, we stay at least 5 years.  If we hate it after 5 years, we leave."  Because it takes 3 years or so to really feel comfortable in a place, I think..it certainly took a while after I moved here!
So we plan to stay, but have an escape after 5 years if things are going really badly.

And of course I'll be buried here, as will dh.  I have to be near my child(ren) (grandchildren?).

LisaE......
I've had nothing but time to think about moving to the UK...lol (3 yrs worth of thinking).  Even though we moved to the States, I never thought we'd stay.  I was hoping my husband would fit in and he would grow to like it but that hasn't happened.  Maybe it's just Texas....lol.  But like you said, at the end of the day, we have each other.  He and I are best friends and I can make it with just him because he has made it here with just me.  I'm looking at this as an adventure.....a new chapter in our book together.  So many people say.....one day I'll do this or that.....we don't want to wait until one day....we want to do it now .
Cleacia
Texas

This is home but I do like the option of always being able to go back if I wanted.  I think i'd be a hell of a lot happier here if I could go home as and when I wanted. I envy LisaE a great deal because she goes to the states several times a year whereas I can only go once every two years and now the partner is saying he's not interested in going back for another 3-4 years.....Although I respect his wishes, I miss my family dearly and really wish I could be with them more.  I miss our big traditional midwestern family gatherings for any occasion and every single holiday. And now that they're all getting so much older, I feel guilty for not seeing more of them, especially the pater. (My son today started talking about when Grandpa took him for a drive in his "big car" and I just welled up right there.)  Just wish Calif was a lot closer and a lot cheaper to get to!

Have you considered going for a visit alone? My husband goes back to Boston 3 times a year, and we cannot afford to both go every time. I'm certainly glad for him to visit his family.

This is home for right now. Once Nigel retires we are hoping to retire to the states, he is willing to go for a bit of adventure and I wanna go back.

But for right now ...we make the best of this adventure

Hi well hope its ok to add my 2 cents in.  I plan to stay.  I'm moving in April 2004.  Seemed like the right solution.  He has two kids that he would miss too much for me to feel comfortable asking him to be here.  I've been there 3 times now.  Two week vacations each.  I have met many of his friends and his family has more than accepted me.  I get birthday cards from his mum and sis.  His dad even told me how much they all love me on my last visit.  I burst into tears of course.  I didn't want to come back here.  I threw myself into living there during my two week visits.  I didn't even want to call home once or twice.  I'm hoping that this will help to prepare me.  I'm sure after reading posts here that I'll have my difficulties.  But I guess Chris and I will cross that (those) bridge(s) when we get to them.  Ummm the burial thing.  I think I'd like to be creamated and buried in the garden.  Is that possible?  This was a good topic.  Thanks for bringing it up.

Karen

This is where the love of my life lives, so I am definitely staying.  Unless, of course, Mash decides to live somewhere else.  If that happens, I will go where she goes, for I would follow her to the ends of the earth.  

Well speaking as someone who hasn't lived in the UK yet but is about to move on Saturday....I am staying in the UK because I AM NEVER MOVING AGAIN!!!  I can't believe the stuff we have and I am tired of how stressfull this is.  My DH moved to the US 10 years ago...he sold his house said goodbye to his friends and came over.  He took the first job he found (bad move) started working in NYC in the WTC just in time for the bombing of 2/93!  He has never made friends here but hasn't been unhappy.  I don't have any family in the area so after 10 years we decided it is time to give the UK a try because we don't want to regret later on not giving it a try.

I am trying not to get too negative or too positive about either country...both have there pros and cons and their very green grass!  What is life for but trying new things.

A few years ago we purchased a cremation plot in the UK so I guess I always knew I would be in England one way or the other!

And I was serious about packing up and moving again....I would rather burn the house down first!  

I AM NEVER MOVING AGAIN!!!

Amen! I hate moving!

WooooooWWWW! Saturday....THIS Saturday! How exciting!

Hi Everyone,

I am not sure if we plan on staying here in England or not.  The last time my Husband's best friend came for a visit he offered a tentative job in San Francisco.  It is based upon if Best Friend starts his new company or not.  I think it was pure torture for his friend to offer the job.  Now I have an unrealistic hope that we move back to the states.  But on the other hand I am tired of moving.  Especially cross the ocean.

I hate living here.  I really thought I would love it since I had lived in Europe before and had no issue.  Even now I miss living in the European country that I did.  The problem might be that I hate living in a small town.  I thought living on the ocean would compensate for living in a small town but it does not.  Herne Bay is full of crap shops and gossiping busy bodies.  The neighbor we have tends to think of us as her personal ATM for when ever she wants money.  The police have been here about five times dealing with them.  I have had to make a statement and will have to be a witness in court against them.  Ugh!!!!  And I have to deal with them about 90% of the time compared to George.  So he finds them to be a nuisance but not to the point I do.  

Being the only American in the community I get a load of stuff said to me that is down right rude.  I have had to deal with nasty texts from George's ex-girlfriend.  All this done without my Husband doing anything remotely what I wanted him to do to protect my feelings and me.  I regret not thinking longer and harder about some issues before moving here.  

I know we made the best decision based upon things going on in both of our lives.  Economically my contract business was drying up due to the crash in the IT industry and September 11th.  George has a very stable job and stable housing while mine was transitory at the time.  But knowing now what I know I despise living here and hope that it gets better.  

Now that summer is here I am planning on trying to enjoy some of the wonderful history of the region.  I have to admit that Kent is a really beautiful region with a long history.  Try not to think that I am slamming England.  There is a lot here I love.  I try and focus on the good and forget the bad.

It sounds like the people are a problem, not the place.  :-/
How awful!

That said, I currently refuse to raise children here after the age of oh, 9.  Not planning to have kids at the moment so not really an issue, but it's one of those possible future things. wench

I know this is off-topic, but I'm curious as to why you feel that way?  I have no children myself, not even sure if I really ever want any.. but before Sean and I committed ourselves on moving to a certain country, I'd look into education and whatnot.  Just wondering what insight you could offer and why you feel so strongly about not wanting to raise children in the UK.  Thanks.

-heather

Hi Lisa,


You are right it is the people.  My neighbors upstairs have serious domestic violence issues.  That is why I have to be a witness.  He stabbed and cut his girlfriend and his mother.  It is a cycle they repeat over and over.  The police informed me that they have been doing this for years.  Finally the police are prosecuting the boyfriend.

As for the towns people I just have nothing to do with them.  I was talking to another foreigner in the town and she said that half the town would fear you because you are different and the other half will be curious.  Funny some 90-year-old guy tried to pick me up the other day.  Told George he needed to be careful or I might run off...  just kidding.

The best news is that George told the ex-girlfriend to take a long walk off a short pier.  Funny all his ex's still like to remain in contact.  Might be a English thing because I have talked to other English people and they are still friends with most of their ex's too.  One woman said that the island was too small that you were forced to still remain friends.  Never thought about it in that light.  

I do try and stay positive.    

Hi MoiN,

Sorry things are so difficult right now.  Is there anyway you can move in the not-too-distant future?  You shouldn't have to live somewhere that makes you so unhappy BUT there are always the realities of moving, if you own property, etc.  I really like Tonbridge but another reason I want to live there is that it's a large enough town that the townspeople shouldn't be too curious about me (fingers crossed!).  I know it can be like that over here in the US as well...some small townspeople will never really accept you if you haven't lived there for generations.

I'm glad George told the ex to get lost.  My FH has an ex-wife from hell...she'll be very difficult to deal with, especially after I move over.  Well, I'll cross that road when I get there!

Take care and know you have friends right here!  

-Sandy