Rough Day Today..

It's month end so maybe I'm being particularly emotional (and not being an emotional person usually, that just makes it worse), but today I just feel like my depression/anxiety/stress has just caught up with me today - although it's probably been building for a few days. Came here with this need to type a whole bunch of crap out but now I just feel too stressed/upset to even type it all out (and I'm at work where it's pretty busy so I don't really want to start going off on one) - but to sum it up quickly (and vaguely), my car wouldn't start this morning and I've been having ongoing car troubles and I just feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done while also doing our bit to help my MIL who's terminally ill and needs our attention. I guess I'm mainly frustrated because I try to discuss this with my husband but he gets mega defensive and it just honestly puts me off telling him how I feel (which I know is not a good thing but I'm at a point where I just don't care anymore). I've contacted a therapist to maybe try speaking to somebody about my feelings instead of him so I can just be brutally honest about my feelings without feeling guilty or meeting a steel wall of defence.  Not sure what I expect from posting here but I literally can't post on Reddit or anywhere else without risking it linking back to me somehow. Anybody else just feel defeated some days?

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. 

Have you thought of talking to a charity instead of a counsellor?  Like maybe Mcmilllon cancer trust who must have lots off advice related to terminal illness.  It might be way cheaper. 

Good luck!

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this and sorry to hear about your MIL too :-(

I understand exactly how you feel and have been going through a rough patch myself. I don't feel defeated some days...I feel defeated most days lately. I talk to someone from MIND (the mental health charity). It is free for 7 weeks and after 2 weeks has already been amazing. It may be worth checking out if you were considering some sort of counseling.

And of course, you always have us here!! I hope you feel better fo at least letting it out.

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. 

Have you thought of talking to a charity instead of a counsellor?  Like maybe Mcmilllon cancer trust who must have lots off advice related to terminal illness.  It might be way cheaper. 

Good luck!

She was given a year over a year now (and I do think we may be coming to the end of that clock relatively soon) so I think - on that front - we are all mentally prepared in that situation so I'm not sure speaking to Macmillon will really help me (though they are supportive of her as I know she has a Nurse from there aligned to her for periodic checks) but it might be something to keep in mind for my husband potentially when the time comes that he needs somebody more to lean on in that area. That's just an additional stress on already existing mental health issues for me that have just kind of spiralled out of control lately because I just don't feel I can talk to my husband about some of the things bothering me - which is why I've contacted the therapist. But thank you, as you did just remind me for the future that they have good resources for family members of cancer patients. Thank you!

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this and sorry to hear about your MIL too :-(

I understand exactly how you feel and have been going through a rough patch myself. I don't feel defeated some days...I feel defeated most days lately. I talk to someone from MIND (the mental health charity). It is free for 7 weeks and after 2 weeks has already been amazing. It may be worth checking out if you were considering some sort of counseling.

And of course, you always have us here!! I hope you feel better fo at least letting it out.

I've not heard of MIND before but that's pretty interesting. Do you go in to speak to somebody in person or is it somebody that you speak to online? That might be pretty useful as therapy is SO expensive per session (some of them charge £100 per session!) and it may just be that I am feeling better after one or two big venting session where I can get everything out (if that makes sense). I mean, I know that its an ongoing thing when it comes to mental health as I've been dealing with particular issues since I was a teen, but I can mostly keep them under control...it's just felt nonstop lately where I almost don't know if I can handle it on my own at the moment but it feels worse because I don't even think I can go to my husband to help because I think (just how human nature is) that it would be hard for him to be unbiased when listening to me and not wanting to defend himself when I'm not trying to attack him, I'm just trying to tell him how I feel.

I'm always happy to hear from you because I like Reddit as well and we might be the only people here that do. 
The only time I mentioned it, mean old Son of Sailor gave me a hard time.

I'm always happy to hear from you because I like Reddit as well and we might be the only people here that do. 
The only time I mentioned it, mean old Son of Sailor gave me a hard time.

lol sometimes I feel like (not today - but on non-month end days) I'm on Reddit 90% of my work day hahaha

http://www.mind.org.uk/

It's in person at your local MIND. It sounds like there are several throughout the country so hopefully you can find someone close by. After 7 sessions it's £25 per top up session if you need it and it lasts 50 minutes.

Also ask your GP. He or She may be able to refer you to something like CBT therapy or even mindfulness. My area has a great mental health team, but I know that isn't the same everywhere. My GP at the time told me to self-refer to the mental health team and I heard back within 48 hours and they put me on a CBT course which has helped. Then I did Mindfulness from there which has also been great, but I needed to talk to someone because with all the stress I am under I am not coping very well and my anxiety has been sky high.

I too feel like I may overwhelm my husband. If I say I am feeling bad about something he seems to get defensive.

Our situations may be different but it sounds like we are going through the same feelings at the moment! You can message me anytime you need a chat!

http://www.mind.org.uk/

It's in person at your local MIND. It sounds like there are several throughout the country so hopefully you can find someone close by. After 7 sessions it's £25 per top up session if you need it and it lasts 50 minutes.

Also ask your GP. He or She may be able to refer you to something like CBT therapy or even mindfulness. My area has a great mental health team, but I know that isn't the same everywhere. My GP at the time told me to self-refer to the mental health team and I heard back within 48 hours and they put me on a CBT course which has helped. Then I did Mindfulness from there which has also been great, but I needed to talk to someone because with all the stress I am under I am not coping very well and my anxiety has been sky high.

I too feel like I may overwhelm my husband. If I say I am feeling bad about something he seems to get defensive.

Our situations may be different but it sounds like we are going through the same feelings at the moment! You can message me anytime you need a chat!

Thanks for the link (and additional info)! I will check it out over the weekend as I like the sound of that vs £65-£100 per session with a private therapist.

Thank you and you can definitely always message me if you want to chat as well or even just vent judgement free

I definitely feel you. I spoke with my GP last Tuesday (after Easter week)about depression and they gave me a website to get into contact with here in Derbyshire ours is Talking Mental Health Derbyshire.

I hope you're able to get some help. I only just emailed them. Should have done it last week, but my terrible reaction to beta blockers made me forget.

I definitely feel you. I spoke with my GP last Tuesday (after Easter week)about depression and they gave me a website to get into contact with here in Derbyshire ours is Talking Mental Health Derbyshire.

I hope you're able to get some help. I only just emailed them. Should have done it last week, but my terrible reaction to beta blockers made me forget.

Thank you

Better late than never though! At least you have the resources now! Hope they turn out to be helpful!

Man, I'll never cease to be amazed at how many people are effected by depression.  Maybe it's the anonymity of the internet but nobody ever talks about it anywhere else but it's everywhere online.  Good on you guys for talking about it and helping each other.

Man, I'll never cease to be amazed at how many people are effected by depression.  Maybe it's the anonymity of the internet but nobody ever talks about it anywhere else but it's everywhere online.  Good on you guys for talking about it and helping each other.

Not sure if it's just me as maybe other people are like this as well, but I'm a pretty open book and have no problem discussing having mental health issues - However, I don't often do that because I view it as not wanting my mental health to define me. If I'm having a rough day or whatever else, I just try to chug on and say "you don't need to give into this" (I know other people are affected by it differently and you can't help how you react to it so obviously this approach doesn't work for everybody). Maybe it's also that I've been dealing with this for a LOT of my life (probably close to two decades now) and I've just learned with ways to deal with it myself so I don't like to burden others with the information unless it's relevant to a discussion (I don't hide having it, but I don't throw it out there unless it's relevant) and I don't like to unpack my feelings when I'm feeling depressed/anxious/stressed/etc. because I personally feel like it would mean I'm being a burden to somebody else and I see it as a sign of my own personal weakness because I would be letting it get the best of me and I don't like to stop and say it's bothering me when it is. It's obviously harder being so far away from family who know my mental health background (my sister is CONSTANTLY asking if I'm okay when I'm feeling anything less than chipper haha) because I can't distract myself the way I normally would when I lived in the US and I don't have those bonds with people here in person that I feel I can share my feelings in that regards.

Sorry if that was a jumbled mess - my brain feels like a jumbled mess at the moment.

When I think about it, I've definitely had issue with depression (or low mood) for years. I just had a great support network back in the US.

Now that Its just me (and my husband) it's not as easy to deal with in a constructive way. There aren't any friends around to simply say, 'Oh, you're having a crap day? Let's grab dinner and chat!' Or pie, a movie... or going on a small adventure.

It's... hard.

And I agree a lot with what kissofdeath said. I simply don't want to share my innermost thoughts with people I don't know well in person and I definitely don't want to burden them with my problems. I think American women are expected to be strong, smiley, happy people who are always kind and gracious and lately..  It's not easy to be that person.

I had to tell my mom the other day on Skype that, 'no, I'm not going to smile simply because you asked me to.'

And if you allow yourself to think about certain things too much, you start to break down. Like crying while you're walking to work. Which is hella awkward.

I can tell you that back in the US, no one would ever guess I have low mood or depression. Well, not while I lived there anyway. I was always the happy, bubbly one.