Rough Day Today..

I can tell you that back in the US, no one would ever guess I have low mood or depression. Well, not while I lived there anyway. I was always the happy, bubbly one.

Totally feel you on that. I am pretty happy and outgoing and have no issues mingling with new people at parties or whatever so people literally never suspect that I have any mental health issues or that I face anxiety pre-going to a party where I don't know the people going. Like if it's a party for a friend where it's a majority of new people, I will literally dread going there until I'm there and having a good time wondering why I was so anxious beforehand.

Totally feel you on that. I am pretty happy and outgoing and have no issues mingling with new people at parties or whatever so people literally never suspect that I have any mental health issues or that I face anxiety pre-going to a party where I don't know the people going. Like if it's a party for a friend where it's a majority of new people, I will literally dread going there until I'm there and having a good time wondering why I was so anxious beforehand.

I'm like this too!
Other than I still feel horribly out of place and not really sure what to talk to people about while I'm there unless a good friend happens to be there. I just don't get how to talk to new people.

I have the same problem at work, no one seems to notice though.

'Fake it til you make it,' as I've been told.

When I think about it, I've definitely had issue with depression (or low mood) for years. I just had a great support network back in the US.

Now that Its just me (and my husband) it's not as easy to deal with in a constructive way. There aren't any friends around to simply say, 'Oh, you're having a crap day? Let's grab dinner and chat!' Or pie, a movie... or going on a small adventure.

It's... hard.

And I agree a lot with what kissofdeath said. I simply don't want to share my innermost thoughts with people I don't know well in person and I definitely don't want to burden them with my problems. I think American women are expected to be strong, smiley, happy people who are always kind and gracious and lately..  It's not easy to be that person.

I had to tell my mom the other day on Skype that, 'no, I'm not going to smile simply because you asked me to.'

And if you allow yourself to think about certain things too much, you start to break down. Like crying while you're walking to work. Which is hella awkward.

I would even settle for just going to get an iced coffee and a walk or drive somewhere nice - not even to talk about what's bothering (because sometimes it's literally nothing) but grabbing coffee and chatting will just be a way to take my mind out of that place and put it elsewhere in the moment which can then turn things around, if that makes sense.

Exactly that about expecting to be strong/etc.. It's not that I feel you aren't strong by saying you've got mental health issues or wanting to pretend they don't exist by any means, it's just that I feel more weak and vulnerable opening up about that stuff because I'm not usually an overly-emotional type of person so it's totally different for me to be that way (and probably unexpected for some people). I don't want to put off people that could turn out to potentially be my friend by burdening them with my mental health issues.

I never liked telling my family outright that I was feeling "low" or whatever when I lived in the US, it was just easier for me to get the support from my support system by throwing myself into being around them and doing activities and they could usually tell if I was having an off-day or if something was bothering me. I don't like to tell them now because I know my sister has enough anxiety on her own that I don't like to worry her by having her worry about me because she will worry! Same with my mom. I don't want them to worry when they are half a world away and can't do anything in person as I feel helpless already myself and don't want them to feel that way as well.


Ohh man...I nearly cried today thinking about all the stress and how crowded my head was while I was at my desk...I literally had to look away from what I was typing to just give myself a second as I didn't want my coworkers to think I was weird! hah totally get you on that! And I'm not a crier and they know that so would've made it even more awkward!

I'm like this too!
Other than I still feel horribly out of place and not really sure what to talk to people about while I'm there unless a good friend happens to be there. I just don't get how to talk to new people.

I have the same problem at work, no one seems to notice though.

'Fake it til you make it,' as I've been told.

Sometimes I live by "fake it til you make it" lol. It's literally the best advice in most cases!

But yeah... I know how to talk to people...my problem is I think about all my interactions once I get home and think about how I may have come off etc...like I over-analyse that sh*t! It goes on constant repeat until I manage to fall asleep like "oh, was that totally taken the wrong way when I said blahblahblah?!" r "Oh ma...I used American version of such-and-such of word and now I feel like an idiot...."

Sometimes I live by "fake it til you make it" lol. It's literally the best advice in most cases!

But yeah... I know how to talk to people...my problem is I think about all my interactions once I get home and think about how I may have come off etc...like I over-analyse that sh*t! It goes on constant repeat until I manage to fall asleep like "oh, was that totally taken the wrong way when I said blahblahblah?!" r "Oh ma...I used American version of such-and-such of word and now I feel like an idiot...."

Are you in my head? Cause I do that too.

My issue, with meeting new people is I don't have tons of practice with it. I'm okay when it's one on one but put me into a group and I simply have no idea what I should be doing. And when you don't want to butt in or step on other people's goes you just... fold in on yourself a bit.

I would even settle for just going to get an iced coffee and a walk or drive somewhere nice - not even to talk about what's bothering (because sometimes it's literally nothing) but grabbing coffee and chatting will just be a way to take my mind out of that place and put it elsewhere in the moment which can then turn things around, if that makes sense.

Exactly that about expecting to be strong/etc.. It's not that I feel you aren't strong by saying you've got mental health issues or wanting to pretend they don't exist by any means, it's just that I feel more weak and vulnerable opening up about that stuff because I'm not usually an overly-emotional type of person so it's totally different for me to be that way (and probably unexpected for some people). I don't want to put off people that could turn out to potentially be my friend by burdening them with my mental health issues.

I never liked telling my family outright that I was feeling "low" or whatever when I lived in the US, it was just easier for me to get the support from my support system by throwing myself into being around them and doing activities and they could usually tell if I was having an off-day or if something was bothering me. I don't like to tell them now because I know my sister has enough anxiety on her own that I don't like to worry her by having her worry about me because she will worry! Same with my mom. I don't want them to worry when they are half a world away and can't do anything in person as I feel helpless already myself and don't want them to feel that way as well.


Ohh man...I nearly cried today thinking about all the stress and how crowded my head was while I was at my desk...I literally had to look away from what I was typing to just give myself a second as I didn't want my coworkers to think I was weird! hah totally get you on that! And I'm not a crier and they know that so would've made it even more awkward!

Exactly! My friends and I, when we'd go out, mostly chatted about inane, silly things but we always had a short check-in about what was bothering us because sometimes you just need to let it out. And then back to the random fun off-the-wall topics. Because sometimes, you just need to get out of your own head.

And I would agree about strong. Maybe I mean independent and able to handle everything on your own. Most people see that as strong, though. Don't they?

I was never a crier back in the states. I could count the number of times I'd cry in a year on less than one hand. That all went out the window when I moved. H*ck, I cried at work last week after I fell. But that goes down to not having any sort of support network I could get in touch with. *sigh*

Are you in my head? Cause I do that too.

My issue, with meeting new people is I don't have tons of practice with it. I'm okay when it's one on one but put me into a group and I simply have no idea what I should be doing. And when you don't want to butt in or step on other people's goes you just... fold in on yourself a bit.

haha I always find that I will just smile and nod until I have something to add but I've been very lucky and have only been in a few situations where people have really made me feel horrible (and I know it was their own issues and not mine but that didn't make it any less awkward). I just usually try to soldier through and embrace the awkward when it comes up

haha I always find that I will just smile and nod until I have something to add but I've been very lucky and have only been in a few situations where people have really made me feel horrible (and I know it was their own issues and not mine but that didn't make it any less awkward). I just usually try to soldier through and embrace the awkward when it comes up

That's what I do. But I feel horribly awkward the entire time and just want to leave. I never stayed at parties long. Just long enough that people know I was there, cause they were all drinking anyway.

Exactly! My friends and I, when we'd go out, mostly chatted about inane, silly things but we always had a short check-in about what was bothering us because sometimes you just need to let it out. And then back to the random fun off-the-wall topics. Because sometimes, you just need to get out of your own head.

And I would agree about strong. Maybe I mean independent and able to handle everything on your own. Most people see that as strong, though. Don't they?

I was never a crier back in the states. I could count the number of times I'd cry in a year on less than one hand. That all went out the window when I moved. H*ck, I cried at work last week after I fell. But that goes down to not having any sort of support network I could get in touch with. *sigh*

 Yeah sometimes I just need somebody to tell me if it's just me being ridiculous or if I'm just going crazy or if what's bothering me seems normal but I always pepper it in between random chats.

Oh man, same! I barely cry at movies or anything (same as you, could probably count on both hands how many times I cried back home)...since moving here I don't cry tons, but I've cried a lot more...Not because I don't like it here or my life here or that I don't fit in (I honestly love living here more than US most of the times), but because I don't have any ways to vent and get those emotions out any other way so it builds up until my tear ducts just explode!

Yeah sometimes I just need somebody to tell me if it's just me being ridiculous or if I'm just going crazy or if what's bothering me seems normal but I always pepper it in between random chats.

Oh man, same! I barely cry at movies or anything (same as you, could probably count on both hands how many times I cried back home)...since moving here I don't cry tons, but I've cried a lot more...Not because I don't like it here or my life here or that I don't fit in (I honestly love living here more than US most of the times), but because I don't have any ways to vent and get those emotions out any other way so it builds up until my tear ducts just explode!

Sometimes you just need to spend some time outside of your own head and your friends are a great way to do that!

Exactly. I don't cry all that often still, but it's so much more often than I used to  and it seems like a lot to me! When I can't keep my brain occupied and I start thinking about things that make me sad, I will start to tear up.

I really don't ever see myself moving back to the US, but it doesn't change the fact that I really miss the camaraderie I had with my friend group and the closeness with my best friends.

Yeah I always say if I could move the people here, it would literally be perfect!

Thanks though everybody for just letting me vent. I feel a bit better having just gotten the notion of being unhappy out there even without going into specifics. Was really cool of you guys to even respond!


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Yep. Ain't that the case?

Hope you have an amazing weekend!

Yep. Ain't that the case?

Hope you have an amazing weekend!

You too! If you ever need a listening ear feel free to message as I'm happy to return the favour


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Late to the topic but OMG I hear you guys loud and clear.

It is really hard to not have a support network here.  Last time I lived in the UK I was a grad student and life was a lot easier because I was busy and the uni was a support network.  Now I feel like I only know my husband, our landlord, and a handful of friends but they're ALL finishing up Ph Ds and are super busy right now.  I feel like I'm going crazy just looking for jobs and looking for a flat because we have to move.  The part of the daytime I look forward to the most is when Nothing to Declare: Australia is on.  I feel pathetic and when you feel that way it is so hard to not let the bad thoughts spiral.  Luckily today I was able to take a walk of about 7 miles so that was nice, but several other days this week have been too cold and rainy to get too far out of town.

Last week my counsellor asked me about my support system. It isn't anything I really thought about before but it gave me food for thought. It's not very big, at all, and is why I feel a bit lost at the minute like I mentioned on another thread here.

And I get about the going to new places thing. I absolutely work myself up in such a panic yet once I'm there and feel relaxed then ill enjoy myself.

I used to be so open and outgoing. I love to talk to people but now I'm in my own little bubble.