Author Topic: Rough Day Today..  (Read 847 times)

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Offline AV

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #30 on: April 28, 2017, 09:07:06 PM »
Do you mind if I ask how long you've been in the UK? If it's been a little while, it might be the difficulty of switching from "new and exciting" to "crap, I'm stuck here for good." When I've lived as an expat before, I've noticed that around 6 months, 2 years, and 6-8 years into a new country, I hit some massive down times. That plus a terminally ill MIL is a lot.

Do you have anything that you do on your own and isn't connected to your spouse? I think that's SO important when living in a new country. Even if it's just volunteering with the Silver Line (making weekly phone calls to an isolated senior citizen) or helping with a garden or something, it's nice to have something that's all your own.
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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #31 on: April 29, 2017, 03:28:29 PM »
Late to the topic but OMG I hear you guys loud and clear.

It is really hard to not have a support network here.  Last time I lived in the UK I was a grad student and life was a lot easier because I was busy and the uni was a support network.  Now I feel like I only know my husband, our landlord, and a handful of friends but they're ALL finishing up Ph Ds and are super busy right now.  I feel like I'm going crazy just looking for jobs and looking for a flat because we have to move.  The part of the daytime I look forward to the most is when Nothing to Declare: Australia is on.  I feel pathetic and when you feel that way it is so hard to not let the bad thoughts spiral.  Luckily today I was able to take a walk of about 7 miles so that was nice, but several other days this week have been too cold and rainy to get too far out of town.

I will say that when the weather is $h*t, it's SO difficult to not get yourself stuck in a rut! So definitely proud of you for walking 7 miles! I always have the best intentions, but find it's easy to get sucked into just sitting in front of the TV, binge watching netflix shows with my duvet on and my dog close by. I will say that (in my opinion), dogs are literally the best medicine for when you're feeling mentally off.

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #32 on: April 29, 2017, 03:38:17 PM »
Last week my counsellor asked me about my support system. It isn't anything I really thought about before but it gave me food for thought. It's not very big, at all, and is why I feel a bit lost at the minute like I mentioned on another thread here.

And I get about the going to new places thing. I absolutely work myself up in such a panic yet once I'm there and feel relaxed then ill enjoy myself.

I used to be so open and outgoing. I love to talk to people but now I'm in my own little bubble.

I totally understand the whole thing about not really realising how small your support group is until you stop and take a look at it. I have a fair amount of friends (through husband), but I wouldn't say I have a lot of people that I would consider someone I could go to to talk about things that bother me, etc. I have maybe one friend of my own from work who I've just recently been able to say is probably in my support network, but that's probably it. But it's not something that I would think about until I'm in a situation where I need somebody and by that point it's too late...and, due to time difference and different schedules, I can't always just call my sister to have a chat and take my mind off things. I almost even forgot to utilise this site but I'm glad that I did because I honestly can say that I felt a lot better after having posted here last night so something I won't forget in future.

Yeah totally! Once I'm there I don't want to leave some times! Like my coworker/friends 31st birthday ended up being such a good time but I was so nervous about fitting in with her and her fiance's friends and if my husband would be bored but he literally got into a discussion with some other guys almost instantly and I went to talk to the ladies (which is hilarious as it's the first time I can say I've ever fit in with the "the girls" group at a party haha - rarely have I been in a place that gets divided into the stereotypical boys side/girls side but it ended up being a good time!). I stressed about it and told my husband in the car on the way over that if he wanted to leave, just make up an excuse about the dog and we could go but we ended up being some of the last few people there! Everybody was really friendly and welcoming so I was glad I ignored my anxiety (people always tell you never to ignore your gut, but I always find that my anxiety messes with my gut feeling so I can't ever really trust it to be accurate lol).

I totally agree that I used to be way more outgoing as well but I think I hold back more here because I don't want to be known as the stereotypical "overfriendly" American who's "loud"/etc. - if that makes sense? Even though it's not true, I get worried that I will come across that way or that people will make fun of my hybrid accent that sounds like I'm lost somewhere between two countries. To be honest, that's exactly how I feel sometimes! That I'm just lost somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic. I'm not American enough for my American friends anymore but I'm not British enough for my British ones. Americans consider me full-English now somehow and British people consider me "the token American" and that can be pretty lonely and isolating at times (and sometimes puts me in the mindset that I'm automatically going to be stuck in that dynamic with a new person I meet when it doesn't even end up that way).


Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #33 on: April 29, 2017, 03:51:55 PM »
Do you mind if I ask how long you've been in the UK? If it's been a little while, it might be the difficulty of switching from "new and exciting" to "crap, I'm stuck here for good." When I've lived as an expat before, I've noticed that around 6 months, 2 years, and 6-8 years into a new country, I hit some massive down times. That plus a terminally ill MIL is a lot.

Do you have anything that you do on your own and isn't connected to your spouse? I think that's SO important when living in a new country. Even if it's just volunteering with the Silver Line (making weekly phone calls to an isolated senior citizen) or helping with a garden or something, it's nice to have something that's all your own.

Been here going on 4 years now. In honesty, it's nothing to do with living here. I love it here. I love the lifestyle here. I fit in very well and I rarely get homesick. I definitely don't view it as being "stuck" here by any means, but I do think the longer time spent here, the more my relationships back in the US suffer (to a degree - friendships more than family). I mean I still see friends and family when I'm home on my yearly trip, but I definitely speak to my friends from home outside of those trips significantly less so I wouldn't just go to them now if I was having a rough day. I do think the stress and emotions around my MIL definitely aren't helping. As mentioned, I have my own mental illnesses that I've had since I was a teenager (depression/anxiety/etc.) that are usually kept in check, but I've gone through cancer with my grandparents as well and their passing and I think maybe it's difficult to watch and be a part of here without having my family here to support me because I'm just trying to do my best to be there for my husband and his family and accommodate them in whatever they need and I don't want to come across as selfish by any means. I feel like I am really careful not to stress my husband out with my own issues when I'm upset (not relating to his mum) but that ends up making it worse because I hold it in until I can't anymore. I just want things to be easier for him really and I don't want to be a burden to him when he's already got enough on his plate.

I do do things on my own as I can drive now so I may go and get myself a coffee and take a walk with my friend from work (we had a nice walk in the woods with my dog the other day) but our friendship outside of work is JUST starting to grow (which is great but just means we aren't obviously besties who spend every weekend together though we do text pretty frequently outside work) and I think that friendship - as it grows - will give me even more independence with my activities outside my relationship. I read a ton while my husband plays video games or I play video games myself. I go to the gym with my friend and I used to do pole fitness (will hopefully start that back up relatively soon, I've just been slacking getting back into it.

Appreciate you taking the time to reply, so thank you :)

Offline larrabee

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #34 on: April 29, 2017, 04:51:25 PM »
I will say that (in my opinion), dogs are literally the best medicine for when you're feeling mentally off.

Cats work for that too!   :D
March 29th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #35 on: April 29, 2017, 07:27:47 PM »
Cats work for that too!   :D

To be honest, I just find cute animals in general work :) haha

Offline BriKH

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #36 on: April 29, 2017, 07:43:23 PM »
I wish I could have a pet but I am in a flat with no pets allowed.

AV I have been here 7 1/2 years and that makes sense to me. I sometimes feel that I am stuck, but I dont really have much of a home to go back to anymore in the states so that's where the lost feeling comes.

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #37 on: April 29, 2017, 07:52:47 PM »
I can definitely appreciate feeling stuck when you don't have much to go back to in the US so it would essentially be starting over again-again. So maybe that's why it's harder for me to relate to that because I don't feel stuck here, I know my husband and I could go to a family member's in the US if I/we really wanted to, I just honestly have no desire to because I love it here.

Offline Dave2726

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #38 on: April 30, 2017, 12:47:32 PM »
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment. I really hope things improve for you soon and that you feel better as a result :)


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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #39 on: April 30, 2017, 01:37:21 PM »
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment. I really hope things improve for you soon and that you feel better as a result :)


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Thank you :)

Offline BriKH

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #40 on: May 16, 2017, 08:14:54 AM »
Just seeing how you're feeling x0Kiss0fDeath - I hope your days have been a bit better :-)

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Rough Day Today..
« Reply #41 on: May 16, 2017, 09:50:31 AM »
Definitely been better as of late. Made it through the rough patch. Think I was just having a particularly bad 2 weeks.

Thanks for checking in :) Really sweet of you!

How is everybody else doing?!