Author Topic: Frustrated about house work  (Read 1272 times)

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Offline Eh127929

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Frustrated about house work
« on: May 06, 2017, 02:02:09 PM »
Does anybody else feel like they pull more weight around the house in terms of doing chores, cooking etc.

I feel so fed up sometimes at the lack of my husbands effort. Every time we try to talk about it, it always ends up in an argument so I've nearly given up.

Today it was a big deal because I asked him to carry some bags to the charity shop across the street (literally walk across the bus route and your there) Then I asked if he could pick up the living room whilst I took our daughter to get a haircut. His response was "no I want to just chill it is the weekend that's what they are for". All I said was pick up, not Hoover, dust the whole nine yards.

Why should I work as many hours as him, have a busier work load, work overtime to bring in extra cash to buy myself a car, and then be expected to do all the housework and cook dinner every night.

Not saying he doesn't help but it's definitely hit or miss. I'm so frustrated. And I don't want people to think he's a bad guy because he's not. But sigh I've hit a wall today. He does help sometimes but the bulk of it lays with me.  I don't want to have to nag for something to get done. Or the times he does get into a super let's get things cleaned, it's at inappropriate times like ten at night.

And he thinks we're getting a dog when we move house soon nope no way, so I can add to my list of things to clean up after.

Sorry for such a rant I just had to get it out.

Online x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2017, 02:21:37 PM »
Would it help to maybe make a list of all the chores that need to be done on a weekly basis and maybe "assign" them between the two of you? Or tick off when it's been done? I think most people have probably felt like they carried the bulk of the chores at least once in their life so you're definitely not alone. Definitely don't get a dog if you're not getting help with the cleaning as you need to be prepared for extra mud and hair (dog dependent) floating about - not to mention walking/feeding responsibilities! Sorry you're dealing with this right now! (Rant away!)

Maybe if you say to him "I'm sorting out xyz things, could you just do a task and b task at some point before Sunday?" (Or whatever deadline you have - and it can be however many tasks you need) he might see how much you're doing and by allowing him to do it within his own schedule, he might be more inclined to do it?

Husband and I just argued over cleaning duties last weekend because I wanted to hire somebody to do light cleaning duties because we have so much on our plates between work, taking care of MIL, and DIY on our house. He disagreed so I said that I was fine to do the majority when it came to chores as long as he agreed to take on the two things that I hate doing because they are the most tedious and he agreed luckily.


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Offline lyonaria

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2017, 02:53:23 PM »
I have this argument with my husband as well.

What I would suggest is having a discussion about this when neither of you is frustrated about cleaning getting angry doesn't help matters, I know from first-hand experience.  It's good to know what each of you expect when it comes to shared cleaning duties. And then figure out how you want to handle it.

I would definitely say, don't get a dog if you are already unhappy with how cleaning is divided between you. My husband hasn't been physically able to walk the dogs for months so it falls on me, and some days I just don't want to.

Haha. He does sound a bit like me. When I feel like cleaning it's usually after 8pm and my husband hates it. But sometimes you have to clean when you feel like it, as long as it's not loud like vacuuming.
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Offline sonofasailor

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2017, 03:20:59 PM »
Then I asked if he could pick up the living room whilst I took our daughter to get a haircut.

Just for clarification, in his judgement, was the room in such a state that it required tidying?
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Online larrabee

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2017, 03:35:54 PM »
Or the times he does get into a super let's get things cleaned, it's at inappropriate times like ten at night.


If he is offering to clean, it doesn't matter what time it is, let him!  ;D
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Offline Eh127929

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2017, 03:51:31 PM »
Just for clarification, in his judgement, was the room in such a state that it required tidying?

Haha probably not.

Offline Eh127929

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2017, 03:57:20 PM »
Would it help to maybe make a list of all the chores that need to be done on a weekly basis and maybe "assign" them between the two of you? Or tick off when it's been done? I think most people have probably felt like they carried the bulk of the chores at least once in their life so you're definitely not alone. Definitely don't get a dog if you're not getting help with the cleaning as you need to be prepared for extra mud and hair (dog dependent) floating about - not to mention walking/feeding responsibilities! Sorry you're dealing with this right now! (Rant away!)

Maybe if you say to him "I'm sorting out xyz things, could you just do a task and b task at some point before Sunday?" (Or whatever deadline you have - and it can be however many tasks you need) he might see how much you're doing and by allowing him to do it within his own schedule, he might be more inclined to do it?



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Thanks for listening :D

I try to do that but it seems he always forgets. I just think cleaning isn't something he was raised on.

Whereas my dad made us do chores multiple times a week.

Anywho I feel so much better just ranting and getting it out lol

Offline Eh127929

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #7 on: May 06, 2017, 03:58:12 PM »
If he is offering to clean, it doesn't matter what time it is, let him!  ;D

Lol that's a fair point! I just felt so frustrated earlier I feel much better now .

Offline MPI

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #8 on: May 06, 2017, 03:58:24 PM »
Luckily my husband is good at getting into a cleaning routine but since he's working and I haven't found a job yet I do most of the house stuff.  Esp since the landlord is selling so we have to keep it in showing condition.  So I do feel a little like that, but it's a very different situation than you right now.

Also we have a system where the person who didn't cook, does the dishes.  But he loves to cook so I have to do dishes a lot.  Ughhh I just don't like that task though, I do think it is a fair arrangement.
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Offline KFdancer

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #9 on: May 06, 2017, 04:00:42 PM »
Not going to lie, I tend to be more of "the guy" when it comes to keeping things tidy.  My husband is very neat and tidy and is the kind of person that can't sleep if there are dishes in the sink.  I sleep just fine!   ;)

We are fortunate enough to be able to afford a cleaner, which at first my husband opposed.  Now he would NEVER dream of cutting out cleaner from our monthly budget.  My husband keeps things tidy but not clean, if you know what I mean.  And having the cleaner forces me to tidy.  Yes, he makes fun of me for cleaning for the cleaner but it works for us.

Laundry falls to me (mostly), he will certainly throw a load in and help fold.

Cooking is split, but he definitely does more than I do (I meal plan though and try to batch cook when I do cook).  But we keep meals simple with meat, starch, and veggies (being an allergy family that works for us).  As I get my health back after pregnancy, I hope to take on more cooking.  I've felt quite guilty for a while now!

He does the dishes.  See above.  ;)

Our arrangement works for us, but as with everything it's taken a while to find our groove.  You guys just need to find yours.  It'll take compromise on both sides.

Online x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #10 on: May 06, 2017, 04:23:12 PM »
Haha probably not.

In fairness, I could probably relate to your husband in this instance. My husband will complain that a room looks messy and I'm like "...it's a little bit of clutter, but I wouldn't call it a disaster!". Maybe he just doesn't see the mess so doesn't really know where to begin with that? I am totally a night person so would agree maybe to just let him do it - assuming it's not loud - when he's most ready to do it? It can be irritating if you're wanting to see results shortly after asking, but sometimes it's better late than never.


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Online x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #11 on: May 06, 2017, 04:24:48 PM »
Esp since the landlord is selling so we have to keep it in showing condition. 

Ugh I would HATE that!


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Offline MPI

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #12 on: May 06, 2017, 04:47:25 PM »
Yeah it's a lot of work.  We had 2 showings today.  Also, it's kind of funny because I thought it had to be pretty perfect (we have a bit of clutter, books on the bedside tables etc but nothing terrible) but as we've been looking at places, the tenants at other flats somethings have a sink full of dirty dishes.  At one place they were sitting on the couch in their pajamas pretending that the showing wasn't happening.  SO awkward.
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Online x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #13 on: May 06, 2017, 11:36:30 PM »
Yeah it's a lot of work.  We had 2 showings today.  Also, it's kind of funny because I thought it had to be pretty perfect (we have a bit of clutter, books on the bedside tables etc but nothing terrible) but as we've been looking at places, the tenants at other flats somethings have a sink full of dirty dishes.  At one place they were sitting on the couch in their pajamas pretending that the showing wasn't happening.  SO awkward.

Oh my god, we had similar experiences when we were house hunting! There were a few times that it was a landlord selling so the tenants didn't even know we were coming! Sometimes they knew but didn't give a single care. One was a lady that didn't speak much English and her baby was napping so  we had to quietly look into that room... Another house literally had the whole family home - kids and everything - and they were just casually all just say around and the lady was like "Oh, let me know if you have any questions!" while the kids were like staring at us as we were looking around and stuff. It's SO awkward and off-putting because you know you're being watched so you almost stop paying attention to what you're being told by the estate agent because you're now focused on the people who are focused on you. You also don't want to comment on things you don't like (and sometimes even on things you do like - you just don't want to comment at all really!) because you know the home-owner or tenant is right there listening and you don't want to offend them by giving your honest opinion. Even when they are there but in another room/out of the way, you still don't want to say how you really feel in case you're overheard. It's literally awful lol. I much prefer people that just get out of the house and stay out until you've gone. And yeah....it's weird when they've left the house in a state that you can't imagine wanting strangers to see...I get having a bit of mess and clutter, but we've seen some places that you know people didn't even really bother..

Offline Karlee

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Re: Frustrated about house work
« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2017, 11:54:31 PM »
I understand how it can be frustrating. I think when it comes to housework, both sides have to compromise and work together as best they can. I'm definitely the neat, clean one in our relationship. My husband isn't a slob, but he's def more lax about housework (and yardwork) than I am.

Our situation is a bit more unique in that my husband works away from home M-F, then back every weekend. I also work less than he does. Because of this it makes sense for me to do most of the housework. I certainly don't mind it- I'm a neat freak (not nearly as bad as the folks on Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners though!), so I actually prefer doing things by myself and just getting on with it. I definitely have my own routine when it comes to cleaning... I also do most of the cooking, though my husband occasionally makes fajitas, and he always makes Christmas dinner!

When he comes back every weekend he has his own laundry to do, and I've already done mine. So we usually just end up doing our laundry separately.

I also do the yardwork. But it's something I enjoy so I don't mind. My husband has no interest in it and sees it as a mega chore, plus after working all week he just wants to relax. I learned early on in our marriage that my husband and I had VERY different ideas of how often the grass should be mowed... this caused a few disagreements, but now he just lets me mow to my heart's content.


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