How to meet & keep new homegirls??

Don't know if kids are in your future, you'll have a lot of opportunities to make friends.  Once school starts, you'll know everyone.

Well, the kids ship has already sailed for me... I don't have any of my own. My fiance has a 9 year old daughter so some of the friends we hang out with have kids her age. It's not much that I have her on my own where we might go out to an event where I might meet other mothers. Not having a child for a woman of my age definitely makes socializing a bit more difficult as most women my age have kids by now. But I've dealt with that same thing while living in LA and most of my friends there have kids. It never was an issue and I didn't mind at all when they'd bring their kids to hang out with us. 

Hi! So funny because early on in our relationship even my fiance said he wasn't used to someone being so friendly to others. I'm always smiling and say "hello" to others in passing. I was raised that way and I just enjoy being polite to others. But I could see how it might come across as being contrived or fake to people who may not be used to that. It really is genuine from me. I have a heart for humans and I just love everyone! LOL!

I think it also has quite a lot to do with the so-called 'stiff upper lip' that we have here... Brits usually like to be left alone when they're out and about, they like other people to respect their 'personal space' and to leave them alone... so when someone just randomly starts talking to us, it freaks us out a bit .

One of the worst things is when someone starts talking to you on a train or a bus or even just waiting for the bus/train... it makes us uncomfortable . And definitely don't try to strike up a conversation on the Tube if you're ever in London... that's a big no-no (see: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/09/29/tube-chat-badges-encouraging-commuters-to-interact-get-frosty-re/ and http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/37506971/tube-chat-the-new-badge-encouraging-commuters-to-talk-to-each-other) .

Good to know that get-togethers take some planning. Everything in LA is just spontaneous and random. A quick text in the morning like: "What are you doing? Let's go get pancakes!" is very common amongst my group of friends. So, I'll definitely have to adjust to not having impromptu meet-ups.

Yeah, they do - I just met up with some friends in London on Saturday and it took us about a month to plan it! When I'm back in my hometown, I usually have to give my friends at least couple of weeks notice to see if they're free... if I tried to be spontaneous, I would never get to see them .

If if you haven't already read it, I would recommend reading the non-fiction book Watching the English by Kate Fox... it gives a fascinating insight into how English society works and why we do the things we do (like talk about the weather!):

I think it also has quite a lot to do with the so-called 'stiff upper lip' that we have here... Brits usually like to be left alone when they're out and about, they like other people to respect their 'personal space' and to leave them alone... so when someone just randomly starts talking to us, it freaks us out a bit .

One of the worst things is when someone starts talking to you on a train or a bus or even just waiting for the bus/train... it makes us uncomfortable . And definitely don't try to strike up a conversation on the Tube if you're ever in London... that's a big no-no (see: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/09/29/tube-chat-badges-encouraging-commuters-to-interact-get-frosty-re/ and http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/37506971/tube-chat-the-new-badge-encouraging-commuters-to-talk-to-each-other) .

Yeah, they do - I just met up with some friends in London on Saturday and it took us about a month to plan it! When I'm back in my hometown, I usually have to give my friends at least couple of weeks notice to see if they're free... if I tried to be spontaneous, I would never get to see them .

If if you haven't already read it, I would recommend reading the non-fiction book Watching the English by Kate Fox... it gives a fascinating insight into how English society works and why we do the things we do (like talk about the weather!):

I think jimbocz also recommended that book as well. Must be good reading! I'll definitely have to give it a read. I'm so glad I'm asking these questions and I appreciate the honest replies. The last thing I want to do is turn people off. I absolutely believe that "when in Rome..." I don't want to be naive or ignorant. And I definitely don't want to come across as arrogant or disrespectful. This process is quite humbling but ultimately leads to growth! 

That thing about spontaneously inviting the British on the same day, that actually makes them angry.  Seriously, they get massively bent out of shape. 

Don't forget that this place is filled with foreigners who don't act like that.  Like many of us, I predict you'll make friends with a bunch of foreigners.  That's why I get so angry about Brexit, many of the best things about this country aren't British. 

That thing about spontaneously inviting the British on the same day, that actually makes them angry.  Seriously, they get massively bent out of shape. 

Good to know!! I'll keep an open mind and heart...and a good sense of humor about it all!

It's not you.  It's them.  Sounds like they aren't interested in a new friend - and that's okay.  I'd recommend you branch out without your fiancé and make your own group of friends.  Do you have a local expat meet up group?  Anything else that tickles your fancy?

While a long life in the UK may get easier as you make your own friends.  It can also get harder, especially if you start a family and don't have a solid support network.  Back home everyone's life will move forward and suddenly you might not be a part of that like you once were.  One of the sad realities we face as expats sometimes.

And definitely the planning thing drives me mental.  My daughter recently got a birthday party invite - for mid-October!!!!

It's not all doom and gloom though.  I had my second baby three months ago and he was tiny, just 4 pounds.  I posted on a local Facebook selling site that I was urgently looking for premie sized clothes.  Well, I never bought a thing.  EIGHT different friends dropped packages at our house for my husband to bring to the hospital over the next 24 hours.  I ended up with so many clothes that the little guy couldn't get through them all before outgrowing them.  Not one of those people was met through my husband.  That was my "a-ha moment" that I've done pretty alright here.   

Yeah, I have a friend who lives about three miles from me, and we still have to plan lunch and coffee dates at least two weeks in advance. It's just how they roll here.

It's not you.  It's them.  Sounds like they aren't interested in a new friend - and that's okay.  I'd recommend you branch out without your fiancé and make your own group of friends.  Do you have a local expat meet up group?  Anything else that tickles your fancy?

While a long life in the UK may get easier as you make your own friends.  It can also get harder, especially if you start a family and don't have a solid support network.  Back home everyone's life will move forward and suddenly you might not be a part of that like you once were.  One of the sad realities we face as expats sometimes.

And definitely the planning thing drives me mental.  My daughter recently got a birthday party invite - for mid-October!!!!

It's not all doom and gloom though.  I had my second baby three months ago and he was tiny, just 4 pounds.  I posted on a local Facebook selling site that I was urgently looking for premie sized clothes.  Well, I never bought a thing.  EIGHT different friends dropped packages at our house for my husband to bring to the hospital over the next 24 hours.  I ended up with so many clothes that the little guy couldn't get through them all before outgrowing them.  Not one of those people was met through my husband.  That was my "a-ha moment" that I've done pretty alright here.   

Well, to be fair, I am still quite new and haven't made my permanent move here yet. I'm just observing and trying to make connections so that I do have a bit more confidence in moving over here. One of my main interests is tennis which I kind of assume won't be as popular here as it is in the warm, dry LA climate. Understandably so. I like to hike and do yoga also. I also love to sing and create music. So I'm sure through one of those outlets I'll meet some friends in time.

Congrats on your new baby! That was so nice that everyone came to help when it mattered most. Yeah, we won't be having any kids at this point in our lives. My fiance has a 9 year old daughter though. We do things together with his friends who also have kids. But I've not really had the opportunity to do anything with her on our own yet.

I'm sure as the time goes on, I'll start to feel the disconnect from friends back in the states. There are certain people who I know I'll have a lifelong friendship with no matter where we are in the world. Hopefully they'll come here for a visit now and again! 

I'll have to get used to that planning way in advance thing. I'm generally very spontaneous. That might be a tough adjustment. I can't imagine someone wanting me to make plans for October in July!!! LOL! I mean, maybe RSVPing for a wedding would be understandable but I have no clue what I'm going to be doing in October! Ha ha!!

Thanks for responding! 

I'll have to get used to that planning way in advance thing. I'm generally very spontaneous. That might be a tough adjustment. I can't imagine someone wanting me to make plans for October in July!!! LOL! I mean, maybe RSVPing for a wedding would be understandable but I have no clue what I'm going to be doing in October! Ha ha

For a 3 year olds birthday at that!

I've always been a planner.  My British husband is sooooooo not a planner.  Which I think is part of the reason I have more friends at this point.   

It will be different when you move.  Right now people probably aren't putting effort in as they know you won't be around.  Do you have a plan to close the gap for good?

Do you have a plan to close the gap for good?

Well, we had been planning to do the fiance visa but now actually considering just getting married and then do the marriage visa... Just so much less hassle than applying for multiple visas and also better/easier financially.

I'll have to get used to that planning way in advance thing. I'm generally very spontaneous. That might be a tough adjustment. I can't imagine someone wanting me to make plans for October in July!!!

I work for a bank, and they ask us to choose our holidays for the following year in September. Like, in a couple of months, we have to say what days we want off for 2018!
 

Well, we had been planning to do the fiance visa but now actually considering just getting married and then do the marriage visa... Just so much less hassle than applying for multiple visas and also better/easier financially.

That is much easier, and with a spousal visa, you could work and use the NHS for 'free' immediately, neither or which are allowed on a fiance visa.... though you would need to get married in the US or a third country, as you need a visa to marry in the UK.

Just to clarify though, a marriage visa IS a fiance visa. Once you are married, you apply for a spousal visa. There's actually no such visa officially called a 'fiance visa' - that's just what we call it on the internet .

The actual visa names are:
- Marriage visa... valid for 6 months, for the purpose of getting married in the UK. No work or study allowed, no NHS access
- Spousal visa... valid for 33 months, for people who are already married to a UK citizen. Work and study allowed immediately, and full NHS access.

I work for a bank, and they ask us to choose our holidays for the following year in September. Like, in a couple of months, we have to say what days we want off for 2018!
 

My previous job was like that - we had to choose our vacation weeks for the whole year in one go... we had to give first and second choices for the weeks we wanted and then hope we got them.

Luckily we don't have to do that in my current job - we can book leave up to 12 months in advance of when we want it, but we only need to do that if we need to book particular weeks before anyone else books them (as we work a roster and only one of us can be on leave at a time) - i.e. I've already booked leave for May 2018 because I need a particular 2 weeks off.

However, I do work shifts in a 24/7 office and we only get our rosters issued 6 weeks in advance... so I couldn't even tell you what days/hours I'll be working in October... if I need a weekend off that far ahead, I have to book it as leave .

I work for a bank, and they ask us to choose our holidays for the following year in September. Like, in a couple of months, we have to say what days we want off for 2018!
 

Crazy!  That would send my husband into a meltdown!

Tennis is huge here! Wimbledon?
Haha. It just depends on where you are. We have courts near us, we just need to get some racquets. ☺