Thanks everyone. I've been back in the US for just over a week and my emotions have calmed down a little bit. I have tried to jump back into normal life as quickly as possible; I bought a car on my second day back, I was offered a job yesterday, I spent some time with my cousin/friend which was good, and I took up acting lessons which is something I used to be involved with in high school but never had the chance to do in the UK.
I'm not a big drinker, but I have drank (drunk? drinkeded?) a little bit since coming home, and there have been a few moments while slightly intoxicated that I've stopped what I was doing, just sort of re-evaluated and admitted to myself that it was probably the right thing to do (coming home). I was on anti depressants for the entirety of my time in the UK and came off them a week before leaving. Part of that was because I was genuinely feeling better; the other was because I didn't want to worry about coming off them while having no health insurance upon arrival in the enlightened US.
The reason I say this is because since I've been back, I haven't really felt like I should be on medication, or that I'd benefit from it. There is a positive energy in the air around me. Part of that, I think, is being near family. When I left the US, relationships with my family members were strained and at a breaking point. That's no longer the case. Another is the fact that I've stopped denying myself and picked up the acting again like I mentioned. I have a car that I have the freedom to just get in and go ANYWHERE I want. And that's just not something I had in the UK.
I love the UK, it will always be my second home and I might still return in a couple years for a change of pace. But I can't help but feel that, even though there's a great distance between the important people I have there and myself, my quality of life has spiked tremendously in the last week. Truthfully, I just
feel better.
Thanks again to everyone who gave me some insight while I was freaking out. I've got a more level head now and I will be able to make my decisions clearly from here on out, I think. I've still got two years to decide what to do; but as for now I'm feeling calm for the most part. Every now and then, I think of someone, or a place, or a memory, in the UK and I get a sharp jab in my chest. It's still very sad that I'm gone. But I do feel I made the right decision for this point in my life.