Drinking culture and teetotalers

I do find it interesting that there are "acceptable" and also therefore "not-so-acceptable" reasons for not drinking. All reasons should be acceptable.

I think all reasons are acceptable and would say that’s my experience full stop.  But as a woman in my thirties, some friends/work mates have been able to sniff out a pregnancy from a mile away.  I suspect you won’t have that concern.   

But as a woman in my thirties, some friends/work mates have been able to sniff out a pregnancy from a mile away.

When we moved into our house my wife was pregnant, but not pregnant enough that she showed or we were telling anyone. One of our neighbors was having a party that weekend, and most of the neighborhood showed up.

Some months later when she was obviously pregnant, and we'd gotten to know everybody and they'd decided we were ok, several of the neighbors mentioned her not drinking at the party. They told us they'd discussed in the days after the party if she wasn't drinking for pregnancy related reasons, or if there was something else going on. I got the feeling they'd have found it weird if she wasn't drinking for anything other than non-health/pregnancy reasons.

More to the OP's question, in my experience coworkers will notice if you don't drink, but as long as they're cool with you otherwise, and you pick up rounds of drinks when it's your turn, they won't care.

I am guilty of being the person who walks into the workplace at 7:45am on Monday and asks, "So...what are we doing on Friday at 5pm?" To be fair, it wasn't always about "drinking" but just being out and enjoying people's company without being in the work environment.

I worked in the production department of a newspaper so we spent long hours with our workmates (holidays too; people need their newspapers) and spent more time with each other than our own families. I worked M-Thursday and it wasn't uncommon to work over 50 hours in those four days. I was "tight" with my workmates.

When I moved to Reading, I did the same thing: made an effort to spend time with workmates. It was a different environment with a completely different culture and I noticed some people were more guarded and that was ok. I never asked or pressured anyone to come out or even debate their choices and no one did either.

But I will mention that when I worked for an advertising newspaper in Houston, the Reading Evening Post and the Guardian, I got left out of things because I didn't smoke, so your concerns, mungogrubb, are real to me. We had a "smoke break" at 11am & 3pm and apparently all sorts of interesting stuff happened that I was not privy to. It was a little weird but I ended up nearly killing myself (I have asthma) and sitting in the smoke room anyways. In Houston, the owner of the company actually respected me enough to hear my ideas (I was 20) and she gave me a glowing recommendation that I used to get my jobs in England. I also got my Guardian job "smoking" in the break room in Reading and I got a nice part-time job from someone at the Guardian who knew John Madjeski who owned Auto Trader (and the stadium)! With hindsight, that was really dumb but that was over 20 years ago and things in the workplace have changed since 1990. That wouldn't happen now...I hope.

The point is that you don't need to defend your choices because most people are respectful of them. But I would say that people may be offended if you flat out said no to socializing full-stop but even then, if you don't want to, just be firm and say so. People are more amenable than you think.




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So my succinct question is: what's the best protocol for turning down drinks that won't create embarrassment for anyone? Especially in a business setting?

I don't drink much and for a good portion of this year I couldn't due to a medication. No one, when I did go out with my co-workers, ever pressed me to drink. I just drank soda and they were all fine with it. The important thing is to buy a round for the people who buy for you every once in awhile (if that happens, which it probably will).

As a non drinker (well, barely any alcohol) I too struggled a bit with this when I moved over, and I do feel like there's more emphasis on drinking. We don't really go out except for special occasions with husband's friends, or work functions. I feel like there have been times I've been judged for not drinking (weird looks, comments like "how can you just... not drink??"). It was alienating and uncomfortable. Then I realized... those people have the issue, not me! So I just don't care anymore. Like I mentioned, we rarely go out anyways. There are plenty of other people who could care less if I'm drinking something non alcoholic.

A story from a friend today reminded me why I'm not a huge drinker!     I really don't understand the going out and getting falling down drunk.

Yes! Even in college, it just never appealed to me. Our former neighbors over here were both in their late 30s, had good jobs, young kids... whenever we saw them all they seemed to talk about was what an awful hangover they had and how sloppy drunk they got over the weekend. Yeah.... just can't relate to that at all. In fact, it sounds boring.

I was formerly married to an alcoholic. He went through treatment twice when we were married, and did have long periods of sobriety, but when he did have a 'slip', the duration of the binges tended to be longer each time.

Anyway - I didn't drink for years. Most folks didn't care one way or another. One person one time asked if I was an alcoholic. The only folks at business functions who tried to *push* on the subject, or insist that I have a drink were those who were drinking a bit too much IMHO. But after they were well past their limit, the only thing they cared about was whether they had a drink - what I was or wasn't drinking didn't matter.

I literally just did this last night! I went out to drinks with all my co-workers from my temp job, but I don't drink. I didn't feel necessarily unincluded, but I did notice that I was the only one not drinking.

I simply explained to them that I don't drink, but I was completely up for the social aspect. It's not that I don't drink for any particular reason. I just biologically can't get drunk unless I consume loads (teenage me found out how much it took and adult me never wants to repeat that) so I never really bothered with it.

I got some weird looks, but that's really them not me. All the pubs we went to had fizzy drinks and J2O so I could still order stuff. I also made plans to leave at a reasonable hour so I wasn't around for when people get really drunk.

I think it's a cultural thing here, but everyone I have met has been understanding of it because I approach the situation as I like the social aspect just not the drinking.

I don't drink (not for any single reason... DH and I just don't see the point to it and we're happy to save the money  ).

It comes up at month end drink and meals out at work. Some people are annoyingly pushy (especially when they haven't asked why I don't drink) but most people are cool and suggest non alcoholic drinks.

I'm positive that when I started with a new team at work, the team assumed it was because I had a problem with alcohol or I was pregnant (neither was the case) but didn't ask me until months later. When someone did finally ask, I could feel the table go silent and everyone wait for my answer, which was totally boring. I think they were expecting me to announce I was pregnant or something. 

I was also vegetarian and avoided eating any sweets in the office (although they made me totally uncomfortable and on my last day with that team they bought a cake and everyone watched me eat it), so I know I was the odd one out who had a lot of explaining to do.

I still went to drinks and ordered juice or fizzy water with lemon. If it wasn't too busy, I'd ask to have it in a nice glass so I could still feel fancy. Non drinkers deserve nice things, too.

Not that you need an excuse that satisfies other people's curiosity, but DH used to say he was allergic to alcohol and that shut people up. His reaction to the 'allergy' includes loss of inhibitions and inability to walk in a straight line.

I don't drink (not for any single reason... DH and I just don't see the point to it and we're happy to save the money  ).

It comes up at month end drink and meals out at work. Some people are annoyingly pushy (especially when they haven't asked why I don't drink) but most people are cool and suggest non alcoholic drinks.

I'm positive that when I started with a new team at work, the team assumed it was because I had a problem with alcohol or I was pregnant (neither was the case) but didn't ask me until months later. When someone did finally ask, I could feel the table go silent and everyone wait for my answer, which was totally boring. I think they were expecting me to announce I was pregnant or something. 

I was also vegetarian and avoided eating any sweets in the office (although they made me totally uncomfortable and on my last day with that team they bought a cake and everyone watched me eat it), so I know I was the odd one out who had a lot of explaining to do.

I still went to drinks and ordered juice or fizzy water with lemon. If it wasn't too busy, I'd ask to have it in a nice glass so I could still feel fancy. Non drinkers deserve nice things, too.

Not that you need an excuse that satisfies other people's curiosity, but DH used to say he was allergic to alcohol and that shut people up. His reaction to the 'allergy' includes loss of inhibitions and inability to walk in a straight line.

Yes! I would say it’s a bigger problem with treats at work.  People can know you are watching what you eat and will not let up about you having something.  Very annoying!

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/cambridge-news/cambridge-city-designated-driver-pubs-14001366

I would go out for this!  But only to pubs that serve Coke.  No, Pepsi is not okay!

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/cambridge-news/cambridge-city-designated-driver-pubs-14001366

I would go out for this!  But only to pubs that serve Coke.  No, Pepsi is not okay!

I think you've got it backwards... Coke is persona non grata for me!

I think you've got it backwards... Coke is persona non grata for me!

The glass of Coke sitting on the table beside me is deeply offended.    But I am happy... you will not be wanting any of my Coke when you come over.  I will serve you tea, coffee, wine, juice or water, but the Coke is for me.  Yay!

Out of curiosity, those of you who say everyone else drinks at your work nights out, how old are your coworkers on average?

I work with a lot of younger adults (you don't need a degree to do most jobs in my department, and some of them just started working at 18).  I'm 27 (well, I'm turning 27 tomorrow) and the three of us who are 27 are the oldest ones in the department except the head of department, who doesn't tend to work evenings and doesn't come out with us.  And a lot of the young ones don't drink at all!  Some of them obviously drink enough that if I drank that much I'd be dead...but there are a surprising number who just seem to enjoy the company and having a lemonade or something at the pub instead.  Some of it might be budgetary but I know that some of the ones who don't drink make the highest salaries, so perhaps it's a trend.

I don't know, when I was their age like 4-7 years ago I definitely drank a lot more than now, if it's a trend it's definitely a new one since I was college aged.

An article from May in the Telegraph (I thought there was a more recent one on BBC News?) suggests that there is a recent trend toward teetotalism:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/05/03/rise-teetotalism-almost-half-brits-shun-regular-drinking/

Out of curiosity, those of you who say everyone else drinks at your work nights out, how old are your coworkers on average?

30 on the young side, 50 on the more mature side.