Filthy flatmates

My husband and I have to temporarily share a flat, at least until I find a job. He can't really work. He's a full-time student and his university coursework is very demanding. He gets loans and grants, but it's not really enough for us to afford our own place and food and everything else. So I'm desperately trying to find a job so we can move out of here.

Our flatmates are DISGUSTING. It's a small 3 bedroom flat. We have one bedroom, another guy lives in the other room, and another couple lives in the other room. None of them ever clean up anything. They do their washing up and that's it. The kitchen is always filthy. We used to clean it very thoroughly and now we just feel like it's a waste of time because someone else always messes it up within hours. Crumbs are everywhere, they spill things and they just let it get dried up and sticky and disgusting, the stove looks like something died on it. Yesterday we discovered that one of them left a bare chicken (not in a freezer bag or in any sort of container) in a freezer drawer. This freezer drawer doesn't have a solid bottom so the chicken was just dripping into the drawer below it. I cleaned the table and counters this morning and a few hours later, it was disgusting again. Someone had been cutting a chicken on the table and there was chicken juice and probably salmonella and f*** knows what else on it. They just left it like that, didn't bother to even wipe the table off. It's still dirty right now. I'll probably end up having to clean it yet again sometime tonight, for the second time today. They can never be arsed to clean up after themselves. Last week, I caught some sort of nasty stomach infection which I'm still recovering from and I have a feeling it's because of something in that kitchen or bathroom (which is also always filthy, no matter what we do), so now we no longer even feel safe using the bathroom or kitchen. And seriously, these are just examples of the less disgusting things we've had to deal with.

I write this mainly to vent. I don't know what to do. Both my husband and I hate being confrontational. Unfortunately, we have to live with these people for now so we don't want to create a tense environment. None of them speak English very well so I don't even know how I'd approach the subject.

I understand your reluctance to start a conflict, but if your health is being endangered by your flatmates' behaviour, then you really ought to do something.  Can you complain to the landlord?  I just moved out of a place that was in a similar state, and what I used to do was put paper towelling down on the counter before I prepared any food, then throw it away when I was finished.  Also, I kept my dishes, pans and silverware in my room, out of the mess of the kitchen and out of my housemates' hands. 

Out of curiosity, what nationality are your flatmates? 

Out of curiosity, what nationality are your flatmates? 

Yeah, I was thinking of talking to the landlord.

The other couple are Asian (Chinese, I think, but I'm not totally sure) and I'm pretty sure the guy's Iranian. None of us ever really speak to each other because the kitchen's ridiculously small so we avoid going in there when anyone else is in there because we'd feel awkward having to squeeze by anyone.

I'd leave a container of those clorox wipes out on the counter with a note saying 'please use'. I'd also do the paper towel thing and keep my own cookware, etc in my room. And I'd eat in there, too. I can understand disliking conflict. But in this case, you either need to do that, or hunker down in your own room and work on getting into another flat share or your own place.

Okay, so they're apparently Vietnamese. They're supposed to be moving out around Christmastime. At least I really hope so. Their English is pretty bad so I feel awkward talking to them. My husband doesn't want to tell the landlord because he thinks the landlord will just tell us to talk to them about it first. But something has to be done because it's been a month since I originally wrote this post and it's only gotten worse. I scrubbed the stove last night and today it was already totally covered in grease. We stay in our room most of the time but unfortunately, we have to share the kitchen and bathroom with them so just ignoring it won't work. So all I can really think of is to leave a note in the kitchen. Something like:

"Please try to keep the kitchen clean. I don't mean to be rude, but I clean it almost every day and it's always messed up almost right away. I just cleaned the stove yesterday and tonight it's covered in grease again. I clean the table almost every day and no one else tries to keep it clean. I'm always cleaning up spilled liquids and crumbs on the counters. The toilet seat in the bathroom is always covered in water so we have to wipe it off almost every time we want to use it. I have to clean it because I don't want to cook in a dirty kitchen. I don't enjoy it and I don't think it's fair that no one else is making an effort to keep it clean."

This is so awkward. I've never had to deal with anything like this before. Does this sound too rude? Is there anything I could add?

The other flatmate (lone guy) moved out a few weeks ago, by the way. So now it's just the Asian couple.

I've had some grubby flatmates in my time (one guy used to spit on the carpet and rub it in with his shoe!!!) and when I was ( a lot) younger I have also been the grubby flatmate! In my experience moaning about it or leaving notes does not really help. They either ignore it or will want to have a fight or somehow create tension.  I'd just keep cleaning up and hope they get the hint or move out. One thing you could try is putting up a cleaning roster but again, if they don't mind living in squallor it probably won't help.  Another alternative is to ask them to chip in for a professional cleaner once a week, if they don't want to do it themselves.

In my honest opinion, I think they're just going to ignore it and continue being filthy. I'm only doing it so my husband will drop his objection to involving the landlord. Our lease has a clause regarding keeping the place clean and I'm assuming their lease says the same thing. Unfortunately, we're the only ones complying with that clause at the moment.

I hope your husband will change his mind about talking to the landlord. He/she is the only one that can really enforce a change. I've never had a clause in my lease requiring a certain level of cleanliness; you're fortunate in that respect. I will never, ever understand people who live in filth. My two flatmates from when I lived in London were the same way! I always thought girls were the cleaner sex and wouldn't tolerate living in those conditions; boy, was I wrong!

I think you should talk to them face to face.  Notes rarely do anything in those circumstances, IME.

I think you should talk to them face to face.  Notes rarely do anything in those circumstances, IME.

I agree. Notes tend to be passive-aggressive, and also, if they don't speak English very well, they may not be able to read the note at all. If it were me, I would do what balmerhon suggested and leave some Clorox wipes out on the counters in both the kitchen and bathroom (some of those toilet wipes or whatever), and then speak to them and explain what they are for. Also, the idea of asking them to chip in for a weekly cleaning from professional staff might not be a bad idea, and sounds fair and reasonable. Confrontation does suck sometimes, but it's often the only way to instigate change. Tell them you feel its unfair that you are doing all the cleaning and you would appreciate some help.

It may not do much good, but if that fails, then you can go to your landlord and explain everything and tell him or her that you made a serious effort to speak with them about it.

I agree with the others. I have an Asian wife and am aware that they come from a different culture but they are similar to us in that they do tend to be clean and keep a clean house. Sometimes they may be slightly different, ie a lot of Burmese do not bother sweeping away cobwebs on the ceiling, not exactly sure why. But there are different priorities on cleaning (at least in our household).

What I did find was a lack of understanding about food hygiene. I think that is where I had the most influence in their lives. I taught her, she in turn taught them.

There are really two issues, overall cleanliness and food hygiene. Overall your two flatmates sound more like western teenagers. There is probably nil hope on getting them to clean up/tidy up.

But IF, if you are able to converse with them, you may be able to get them to be more careful regarding food hygiene. Try and get some food hygiene pamphlets, help them to understand, don't just leave them laying about and hope for the best. It does sound like it is a long shot but who knows, sometimes people listen. And learn.

Good luck!

What I did find was a lack of understanding about food hygiene.

Good point. Many cultures don't have rigid guidelines about these things - hence the uncovered raw chicken dripping all over everything in the freezer.  You should try to explain that your stomach was ill, possibly from exposure to harmful bacteria from food being left out and surfaces uncleaned.

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not the cleanest / tidiest person (there is more to life, most of the time, than cleaning!), but there are some lines you just can't cross! 

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not the cleanest / tidiest person (there is more to life, most of the time, than cleaning!), but there are some lines you just can't cross! 

A lot more to life than cleaning, like sending electronic pulse all across the world.

There are some lines you can't cross but some lines are kinda hidden by clutter and they get crossed. The line I crossed is living in a perpetual Adam's family house. All I am lacking is Thing. The house is clean of dirt and dust. Trust me cleaning and dusting is a royal pain in this palace. But it gets done. Tidiness is another story altogether. My house is relatively tidy apart from 30-odd Lego inventions scattered across the room, 6-7 CD/DVD cases needing picked up, one chair made unusable to adults by an everest of self-procreating ironing, clothes drying on the radiator, half a dozen books sprawled about with a couple of magazines, newspaper and several circulars yet to be recycled, a bevy of pens, pencils, paper, glue and other arty farty stuff in a 6 year old's version of a tidy pile but more resembles the aftermath of a Cat 5 hurricane. I could sit on the couch if I opt to move a few stuffed animals, a gaggle of remotes and yet another pile of clothes to be folded but my desk chair is free of clutter so here I am. Tunnel visioned and procrastinating. Oh did I mention a plethora of college books making the arms of said couch invisible? So a few cob webs hanging off the ceiling go largely unnoticed due to the preoccupation of all the other items requiring attention. I can live with it. And cuts down on halloween decorating time. 

A lot more to life than cleaning, like sending electronic pulse all across the world.

There are some lines you can't cross but some lines are kinda hidden by clutter and they get crossed. The line I crossed is living in a perpetual Adam's family house. All I am lacking is Thing. The house is clean of dirt and dust. Trust me cleaning and dusting is a royal pain in this palace. But it gets done. Tidiness is another story altogether. My house is relatively tidy apart from 30-odd Lego inventions scattered across the room, 6-7 CD/DVD cases needing picked up, one chair made unusable to adults by an everest of self-procreating ironing, clothes drying on the radiator, half a dozen books sprawled about with a couple of magazines, newspaper and several circulars yet to be recycled, a bevy of pens, pencils, paper, glue and other arty farty stuff in a 6 year old's version of a tidy pile but more resembles the aftermath of a Cat 5 hurricane. I could sit on the couch if I opt to move a few stuffed animals, a gaggle of remotes and yet another pile of clothes to be folded but my desk chair is free of clutter so here I am. Tunnel visioned and procrastinating. Oh did I mention a plethora of college books making the arms of said couch invisible? So a few cob webs hanging off the ceiling go largely unnoticed due to the preoccupation of all the other items requiring attention. I can live with it. And cuts down on halloween decorating time. 

LOL!!!!!  I love it! Our house is like that (especially with the laundry and toys) but we keep it just organized enough that we can pull it together when someone is coming to visit. The bathroom gets cleaned about once a week (sometimes a little longer...  ) and since we have a dishwasher (but are occasionally lazy about loading / unloading and might leave it for a day here and there) the kitchen is usually under control. I don't necessarily clean the stove top every day, even though I cook every day. Why not, you may ask? Well, because it's just going to get dirty again! But, I think I tend to be pretty lax about housework rather than run a tight ship because my mom is an over the top, bonafide neat freak. If you get up from the sofa, she is fluffing the cushions before you come back. You can't relax with all that fussin' going on around you. So that's my excuse. I like to feel like our place is "lived in" rather than some weird museum where everthing is in its right place!

Having said that, though, there has to be consideration when you are sharing a place to live. If I knew that some entirely separate family was going to be using the kitchen after we ate our dinner, then I would most certainly clean up my mess before they came in to make their dinner.

I agree. Notes tend to be passive-aggressive

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