Inconvenient Annoyances

DH said as kids, they'd have to get up early on Saturdays to go to the shopping centre. They'd walk around, looking at everything, but not being allowed to buy anything. They wouldn't be allowed to buy food or water or go to the public loos. It was not a fun experience from the sounds of it. It sounds like nephew is experiencing the same thing.

I'm the opposite - I pack DH and I a snack and water no matter where we're going and I've got a mental list of loos I can easily pop into if I'm out (bookstores, museums, department stores).

Our plan is to take advantage of our British passports before the Brex$hit hits the fan. We'll be going to the Black Forest in Germany to see how we like it. We've spent a few months there in the last year or two and love it. Hopefully we like it just as much when it's more than a visit and things don't go pear shaped for UKCs already living in Europe on the day the UK actually leaves the EU. If it does go badly and we have to leave Germany, at least we'll get some time there while we can.

That just literally sounds abusive (not letting a kid wee in a public toilet!) and I am not shocked why you're not fond of being in that house...

Your impending move sounds lovely, however, and I'm wishing you both all the best and hopefully everything will work out!

Oooo, fabulous plan!!!!  Eat black forest gateaux in the black forest for me!  EVERYDAY! 

hahah I was thinking of Black Forest Gateaux instantly as well LOL

I'm just baffled really... I honestly don't know what to say..lol That is just shocking!

I'm right there with you.

I've learned to be good at dealing with FIL. DH and I have learned what gaslighting is, so at least we're learning new vocab and getting some quality time in as armchair psychologists.   

This is by far the thing I've gotten most worked up about, but I think SIL will have a good handle on this and has probably already told off FIL or will when nephew lets slip how thirsty he was.

Oooo, fabulous plan!!!!  Eat black forest gateaux in the black forest for me!  EVERYDAY! 

I'm still working on my (alcohol-free) Black Forest brownies recipe. Next bake will be with doubled cherries. Not to toot my own horn, but I'd eat my Black Forest brownies every day for you. They're pretty darn tasty.

We'll be going to the Black Forest in Germany to see how we like it. We've spent a few months there in the last year or two and love it. Hopefully we like it just as much when it's more than a visit and things don't go pear shaped for UKCs already living in Europe on the day the UK actually leaves the EU. If it does go badly and we have to leave Germany, at least we'll get some time there while we can.

Oooh, this is so exciting, so happy for you!  But don't get lost in the Black Forrest TF! 

I'm still working on my (alcohol-free) Black Forest brownies recipe. Next bake will be with doubled cherries. Not to toot my own horn, but I'd eat my Black Forest brownies every day for you. They're pretty darn tasty.

Toot away!  Those sound incredible!!!!  I haven't had a good brownie in a long time!  No point making them when kids were dairy free and husband gluten-free.  But now that kid #1 isn't dairy free, we may need to make some!

That just literally sounds abusive (not letting a kid wee in a public toilet!) and I am not shocked why you're not fond of being in that house...

Your impending move sounds lovely, however, and I'm wishing you both all the best and hopefully everything will work out!

hahah I was thinking of Black Forest Gateaux instantly as well LOL

Yeah, definitely not cool.

FIL and grand-FIL are both good at gaslighting. There's a rat living in the house (in the walls, not scampering across the floor). We can hear it in the walls. We've seen droppings in the storage space under the stairs. FIL says it's nothing. Then he says he'll take care of it ('call a guy'). He never does.

SIL appears friendly, but is manipulative (IMHO) and talks behind people's back. Or in front of their face, in my case - she's used their second language to tell DH to tell me something I needed to do/not do while I'm in the friggin' room - wtf. Have I mentioned she has told us we don't love her kids enough and, when FIL was in hospital (and we weren't sure if he was going to make it), SIL was giving us updates (she has a car and lived closer to him and the hospital at the time), she told us we were stressing her out and 'risking the life of her unborn baby' (she was pregnant at the time). I avoid her at all costs.

Looking forward to Germany, especially being far far away from the in-laws.

Oooh, this is so exciting, so happy for you!  But don't get lost in the Black Forrest TF! 

Thanks larrabee! I hope we DO get lost in the Black Forest. It's lovely there. Just a wee bit different from London.

Toot away!  Those sound incredible!!!!  I haven't had a good brownie in a long time!  No point making them when kids were dairy free and husband gluten-free.  But now that kid #1 isn't dairy free, we may need to make some!

When I've perfected the recipe, I'll send it your way.

Or, if you're ever in London and want to meet up, I'll bake a batch and set some aside for you. 

Both offers are welcome to anyone.

I'm right there with you.

I've learned to be good at dealing with FIL. DH and I have learned what gaslighting is, so at least we're learning new vocab and getting some quality time in as armchair psychologists.   

This is by far the thing I've gotten most worked up about, but I think SIL will have a good handle on this and has probably already told off FIL or will when nephew lets slip how thirsty he was.

My FIL wasn't really the best dad to my husband either and I would say that sometimes it can be so difficult to just hold back and not get upset on my husband's behalf but I have to think "this was so long ago and, my husband has come to terms with it so I need to as well.." This seems like the right type of thing to not hold back getting worked up about though! Hoping SIL finds out soon!

I'm glad your husband is on the same page as you with all that crazy! Just keep looking to the light at the end of the tunnel!! You can make it!

When I've perfected the recipe, I'll send it your way.

Or, if you're ever in London and want to meet up, I'll bake a batch and set some aside for you. 

Both offers are welcome to anyone.

I mean, I could easily be in London :p I am going to be in London tomorrow actually! hahah

My FIL wasn't really the best dad to my husband either and I would say that sometimes it can be so difficult to just hold back and not get upset on my husband's behalf but I have to think "this was so long ago and, my husband has come to terms with it so I need to as well.." This seems like the right type of thing to not hold back getting worked up about though! Hoping SIL finds out soon!

I'm glad your husband is on the same page as you with all that crazy! Just keep looking to the light at the end of the tunnel!! You can make it!

It's really hard. DH still gets worked up about being raised by a sh!tty parent and I can totally see why. Whenever something like this comes up, I try to use it as a 'this is how we can do it better' moment. There are plenty of mistakes to learn from in this family.

I mean, I could easily be in London :p I am going to be in London tomorrow actually! hahah

Hahaha. I might need more than 24 hours notice for brownies to happen. And baking with a hot oven in 30C isn't fun (I've done it before and totally regretted it).

FIL and grand-FIL are both good at gaslighting. There's a rat living in the house (in the walls, not scampering across the floor). We can hear it in the walls. We've seen droppings in the storage space under the stairs. FIL says it's nothing. Then he says he'll take care of it ('call a guy'). He never does.

There's not just one rat.... guaranteed!

Mouse hunt 2018 at my house was very eye opening!

It's really hard. DH still gets worked up about being raised by a sh!tty parent and I can totally see why. Whenever something like this comes up, I try to use it as a 'this is how we can do it better' moment. There are plenty of mistakes to learn from in this family.

Hahaha. I might need more than 24 hours notice for brownies to happen. And baking with a hot oven in 30C isn't fun (I've done it before and totally regretted it).

Yeah that is a totally positive way to approach the situation!

Yeah I like baking but I hate cleaning up the mess....and I hate ALL of it when it's mid 20's-30's! LOL

Good luck in the Black Forest TF! I have a friend on the Swiss side of it. Looks lovely

I feel like if your SIL continues leaving her kids with FIL under those conditions you may want to call child protection once you're no longer there. That's so dangerous and irresponsible, and can have lasting emotional and physical consequences.

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There's not just one rat.... guaranteed!

Mouse hunt 2018 at my house was very eye opening!

Sometimes when we hear a lot of scurrying in the floorboards or the ceiling, I tell DH the baby rats are hatching.  I think it freaks me out more than it bothers him (although he doesn't like it either). I've learned a half empty tissue box makes a very satisfying thud when you use it to hit the ceiling or wall and the scratching or scurrying subsides.... for about five minutes.

Sometimes when we hear a lot of scurrying in the floorboards or the ceiling, I tell DH the baby rats are hatching.  I think it freaks me out more than it bothers him (although he doesn't like it either). I've learned a half empty tissue box makes a very satisfying thud when you use it to hit the ceiling or wall and the scratching or scurrying subsides.... for about five minutes.

ugh my skin is crawling...