So aggravated

I'm getting more and more aggravated with our situation. I hate not being together and the worst part is he seems to be ok with it. We've been doing this 4 years, I really don't know how much longer i can do it. I want to be together already, yeah im going in May for 3 weeks but that's ONLY 3 weeks. Is this selfish of me? I am really greatful for the 3 weeks but...it's not forever.

I know it's not normal but i've been on marriage brain for forever. I get so depressed because everyone we know online (and even offline) have met, move in together, gotten married and are now starting families. When we first started dating people assumed we'd be the first to do any of it and seriously everyone else has gone and done it and we are still doing this LD stuff.

I love him...I truely do but this is so hard. I get so jealous of some of the people we know because they have what I want. He says he wants to get married but has his reasons (mainly us being young) for not doing it just yet but I feel I'm ready. I just wonder how long it's going to take for him to be ready... :\\\'(

sorry for this ranting...sometimes you just need to get it all out.

ericka

I am sorry you are having a rough time right now! I know it's hard to be apart, believe me I know. But part of me wants to tell you to wait on getting married. I see by your ticker you are just 21, and have so much to experience. But then I know that if you are at a place in your heart where "this is it" then only you and he really know what is best. But if he's not ready for that step, is it an option to be together any other way without marrying right now? Can you take courses and go over as a student? Just a thought. Don't worry about the "rant" we all need to get things out sometimes and what better place to do it then here where you are understood. Hang in there!

I am sorry you are having a rough time right now! I know it's hard to be apart, believe me I know. But part of me wants to tell you to wait on getting married. I see by your ticker you are just 21, and have so much to experience. But then I know that if you are at a place in your heart where "this is it" then only you and he really know what is best. But if he's not ready for that step, is it an option to be together any other way without marrying right now? Can you take courses and go over as a student? Just a thought. Don't worry about the "rant" we all need to get things out sometimes and what better place to do it then here where you are understood. Hang in there!

Thanks. I know but I'm not a normal 21 year old lol. I've been told by family, friends and COMPLETE strangers (since I was like 5 years old) that I'm just one of those types that are meant to be married and have babies. It's just...what I'm all about...that's all i've ever wanted. I don't know if you know anyone that are just one of those girls but I am one of them lol.

I've looked at like the student visa but i don't have that kind of money to just up and move to go to school and schooling is expensive which is one of the reasons why I quit and started working. I plan on eventually going back when 1: i figure out what i want to do and 2: I have the money for it. At this point in time my mom and her husband make too much too get financial aid even though he doesn't support me they are still married so im not able to get it. I want to become either an au pair or something to do with children but im not sure about how to do that either even though I've read up on how to go about it, it just seems all too confusing.

thanks for advice though.

reeeka, I know how you feel about the - he seems to be okay with us not being together - part of it.  I don't know if it's a guy thing or just us women feeling too sensitive and frustrated about the situation.  It's really hard wanting it to all happen already but I guess things will work out when the time is right.  It's great that you are 21 and already know what you want, I'm 38 and still trying to figure things out, lol.  But SillySnip's advice is good so just hang in there and try to find something to keep your mind off thinking about it too much. That tends to help when it starts to get to me, the whole distance and time thing.

reeeka, I know how you feel about the - he seems to be okay with us not being together - part of it.  I don't know if it's a guy thing or just us women feeling too sensitive and frustrated about the situation.  It's really hard wanting it to all happen already but I guess things will work out when the time is right.  It's great that you are 21 and already know what you want, I'm 38 and still trying to figure things out, lol.  But SillySnip's advice is good so just hang in there and try to find something to keep your mind off thinking about it too much. That tends to help when it starts to get to me, the whole distance and time thing.

Thanks. Yeah...I've wondered if it's just a guy thing but I don't know. I mean he says he misses me and wants to be with me but then he seems to be okie with our situation and the way it's going. It's very frustrating to want something to happen RIGHT this second and have to wait for it. Especially when it pertains to your heart...

I try very hard to keep my mind off it all...but it sneaks up on me every now and again.

Anyway thanks alot 

Awwww Reeka, four years is a long time to wait. Kudos to you for waiting and hanging in there for so long. If he says he's not ready, sounds like he's being responsible about not rushing into things. Definately talk about it when you are here, and see how much longer he's prepared to wait. Discuss the student thing with him as well, that was a good idea. But if he expects you to wail til you're 25 or so, well, that's a bit long I would think. Sounds like you all need to have a good sit down talk together! Good luck, and welcome to the site.

Awwww Reeka, four years is a long time to wait. Kudos to you for waiting and hanging in there for so long. If he says he's not ready, sounds like he's being responsible about not rushing into things. Definately talk about it when you are here, and see how much longer he's prepared to wait. Discuss the student thing with him as well, that was a good idea. But if he expects you to wail til you're 25 or so, well, that's a bit long I would think. Sounds like you all need to have a good sit down talk together! Good luck, and welcome to the site.

Thank you, yeah it's a very long time but i guess in a way he's being smart.  I definantly want us to have a successful marriage so if he needs time for that too happen than i guess ill wait. It's just really tough. I think I'm going to talk to him when im there...ill get a better feel for his side of this whole thing. It'll be easier face to face...

Awwww Reeka, four years is a long time to wait. Kudos to you for waiting and hanging in there for so long. If he says he's not ready, sounds like he's being responsible about not rushing into things.

I agree. He's doing the right thing by waiting if he's not truly ready. I'm in sort of a similar position, although it's only been two years for me and my BF. But I'm also 42, so maybe that makes a difference. But my BF is the same -- he seems fine with the status quo and I am most definitely not OK with it. Maybe it is a male/female thing. In any case, my BF says he's not ready. He can't really explain why; he knows he loves me and knows that we'll be together forever, he just doesn't know when forever is going to start. I've had advice from other women telling me to give him an ultimatum, but that's just not my style. Besides, if a man isn't ready to take it a step further, then forcing him into doing something he's not equipped to do yet isn't going to get things off to a good start. I think you just need to wait it out, no matter how long it takes. If he's the right one, then it'll all be worth it. At least, that's the route I'm taking.

Belindaloo... just wondering ... (and im sorry reeeka for hijacking your thread), but at age 42, why is it important to you to get married?   Sorry if this is too nosy...
It's just that I am the same age as yourself, and to me it is fairly meaningless... it's the relationship that is important, not the bit of paper.

What are your thoughts on it?

Belindaloo... just wondering ... (and im sorry reeeka for hijacking your thread), but at age 42, why is it important to you to get married?   Sorry if this is too nosy...
It's just that I am the same age as yourself, and to me it is fairly meaningless... it's the relationship that is important, not the bit of paper.

What are your thoughts on it?

No, it's not the marriage that's important to me. It's the moving in together, buying a house, starting a real life without all the LD traveling, etc. THAT'S what I'm anxious to get going with and what the BF is dawdling about.

Although ... I love planning parties, so a wedding would be fun!

Oh i see!!

Well that i can completely relate to!
Sorry i misunderstood...

I agree. He's doing the right thing by waiting if he's not truly ready. I'm in sort of a similar position, although it's only been two years for me and my BF. But I'm also 42, so maybe that makes a difference. But my BF is the same -- he seems fine with the status quo and I am most definitely not OK with it. Maybe it is a male/female thing. In any case, my BF says he's not ready. He can't really explain why; he knows he loves me and knows that we'll be together forever, he just doesn't know when forever is going to start. I've had advice from other women telling me to give him an ultimatum, but that's just not my style. Besides, if a man isn't ready to take it a step further, then forcing him into doing something he's not equipped to do yet isn't going to get things off to a good start. I think you just need to wait it out, no matter how long it takes. If he's the right one, then it'll all be worth it. At least, that's the route I'm taking.

Oh yeah people have told me to do the same but...this is how i see it. You can't build a successful marriage on forcing someone into it. They will end up hating you....the last thing you want when you want to be married to them. I plan on waiting as long as it takes.

(and im sorry reeeka for hijacking your thread)

s'okay.

No, it's not the marriage that's important to me. It's the moving in together, buying a house, starting a real life without all the LD traveling, etc. THAT'S what I'm anxious to get going with and what the BF is dawdling about.

Although ... I love planning parties, so a wedding would be fun!

That's the best part of it ...being with the one you love and finally being able to start your real life together. I want to marry adam for so many reasons and those are included.

I know this is not a favorite answer, but well, it's so true... Love knows it's time. When the time is right you will be married. For some it is right away, my best friend, her parents were friends for a year, dated two weeks, were engaged, and then married two months later. My dad, met his partner when he had just gone through a horrible break up. Had sworn off love, but found him that very night, and a year latter, were married. (technically domestic partnership due to same sex, but that's a topic for another forum) And then there are cases like my Mom's friend Joanne and Larry. Have been friends and lovers well, since the 80's, and are still not married, but deeply in love with each other. And my parents, they took 7 years before getting married. The point is, love is no restricted by time....it knows when it is right. If the love is true, there is no such thing as waiting too long or rushing in. It just has to be the right moment. Sweetie, it's obvious he loves you, and it's obvious you love him. When marriage is in the cards for you it will happen. Just enjoy the love, be one with it, and let it find it's own way. You are a strong woman, and have practically unlimited support from friends and family both in real life and on the boards.

Sorry if this is a bit personal and we don't know each other well, but I felt compelled to post that.