Wow...I didn't know what I was in for.

To chorus with the others, I definitely think you should get out while you have the chance, if you really think that he' not the person you thought he was.  It'll be much easier now than after you're married.  But I also think you should be completely straight with him about how you feel and why you're making such a decision. 

I'm really sorry you're going through this!  (((Hugs hugs)))

Hey Love,

I really agree with Mindy and WebyJ, remember whatever your decisions are, everyone here and in your real life will support you.

Do what's best for you and your son and stay safe, there are lots of forms of damaging behaviour in a relationship, not just physical and you should protect yourself from them.
 
Whatever you decide to do in the long run, in the short run, I don't want to scare you or be melodramatic, but maybe you should think about having an "escape plan"  ( for want of a better term - seeing as he's already said things like suggest you move out), do you have a friend or someone you can stay with for  a bit in a pinch? Or maybe put some money put aside, or know of (i.e research) some good projects that help women in your area if you need them.

Dangerface, get out. Now. For the kid's sake. Wait till he is at work or absent and leave. Don't tell him beforehand or give him a clue what you are planning. I have a bad feeling about this.
 

I agree with cheesebiscuit. You need a plan for better or for worse. I am so sorry for what you have to deal with. And about him behaving around your son, it seems like it's only a matter of time before your son sees for himself. If he is behaving around your son that means he understands that he shouldn't act that way in front of a child and he most certainly shouldn't act that way in front of you!

some good projects that help women in your area if you need them.

Refuges. Citizen's Advice Bureau and the local council social services will know where they are. Best to know before you need one in a hurry.

hi dangerface...you've had lots of great advice. the thing that i've found overtime is that as they say "there are always two sides to the story". i'm sure he has a somewhat different perspective than what you have described. HOWEVER, smashing your mobile phone because you are not able to locate your phone charger is not normal behaviour. if he is acting this way after a short time i think you are only seeing the beginning of this type of behaviour.

you also describe him acting if everything is okay after a short while. in an abusive relationship it is very cyclical. it starts off with little fights which build into something bigger. often the "victim" actually provokes the other person because they want to have some control of the next phase. and that's when the abuser either physically or emotionally abuses the other person. then the abuser feels guilty and tries to make amends. they shower you with apologies, gifts, whatever. you question if it was actually your own fault. then after awhile it all starts again.

even if your son is not witness to the conflicts he will pick up on the emotions and conflict that is in the household. parents often think they are "arguing" while the kids are asleep...but kids are so intuitive...they know so much more than we think.

i really hope the best for you. it must be so difficult to find yourself in a situation that you did not expect at all. look after yourself and your son.

I just wanted to add some *hugs* in for you. I agree that you should look into your options, especially if it will take you some time to get money together to come back to the US. 

Did you fly over on a RT or a one way? Maybe you could use the other half of the RT to go back to the US.

Refuges. Citizen's Advice Bureau and the local council social services will know where they are. Best to know before you need one in a hurry.

Excellent advice. CAB is a great help...

Big hugs here ((((((((()))))))))))

I would encourage you to follow your heart and look at things from all angles. Its an incredibly stressful situation, from a long distance relationship, to moving to the other side of the world with your son, to trying to sort out a new life, and then you have this crap you're in and its definitley not good. There aren't any good answers. I hope that you can think deeply and do what's right for you.

You're in my thoughts

So, did you talk to your fiance last night? Just wondering how that went and if you are ok. You said something about giving him an ultimatum and I just wanted to make sure things didn't get ugly. We're thinking of you!

 Hello everyone...

 So, I'm still here. Things have calmed down completely but I am very wary of what may happen in the future. I have taken everyones advice and found somewhere that I can go should things flare up again. Even if I wanted to flee the country, I wouldn't be able to do it right this second due to monetary restrictions.

 I am just going to take this one day at a time and try to decide what my next move is.

 On a somewhat brighter note, my son was FINALLY accepted into a school, he starts next week! Injecting some serious routine into our lives will be good for us both, I think.

 Thanks for all the kind words and advice. I needed that.

xxxxxxx,
allie

Glad things are ok for now, Allie. Hope it continues to improve! (((HUGS)))

I'm so glad things are better, hope they stay that way 

Sorry, but, it's not "a phase".

Allie,  

Glad to hear you made it over the hurdle, and also VERY glad to hear that you will continue to monitor the situation to decide what is best for you and your son.  All the best. *hugs*