Is this normal behaviour for a 5 year old?

Yesterday was a nightmare and bottom line was that I had to put my 13 year old dog Simon to sleep because he had cancer.

When I got home, I sat my 5 and 6 year old boys down to tell them the news. My oldest burst into tears and was broken hearted. My youngest just said when can we get a new puppy? I was genuinely surprised as he had been very fond of the dog, much more so than the other.

And when he was eating his alphabet potatoes he picked up a letter d and said "D for dead dog".  It really turned my stomach although his father found it to be quite amusing.

Is this normal? Or am I just oversensitive because i'm so upset. :\\\'(

Hugs, Hopster.  I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.


Yes, that is normal.  Children all have their way of dealing with things, and he might not really understand the finality of it.  And it might come out later.  When we lost our first pet(a mouse, I think), the older one(7) was inconsolible, the little one (6) said 'oh let's bury her in the garden and dance on her grave!'. 

Each individual deals with death in their own way. He is 5, I don't think that it's a big deal, that he did that with his alphabet soup, and he is not on his way to becoming a serial killer. At 5, they really are still discovering their emotions. He may be quite a stoic, person. I personally deal with stress and tragedy through laughter, I hate to see anyone sad around me.

You also have to consider, that in this day and age, we have become "Well, if it is missing, we can always replace it." It does not make it right, but this could also be where he is coming from. I would not push it with him. If he is not sad now, he may be a few days from now. If an animal is put to sleep, it is usually done away from the children, and as they have not witnessed this, it is sometimes hard for them to think anything other than, "Spot is away". I used to be a vet tech, and I saw this all the time. Some parents actually told their kids that the dog had gone off to live on a farm somewhere, where he could run around as much as he wanted.

 Awww, really sorry about your dog.  My sd, who's 7, has made a little book with the names of the pet rats she's lost in the last year. Three had to be put down in about the space of a month and every time the vet gave her a pin. She's put those in the book next to the names and even has other boxes ready for the next name to go in. It sounds really macabre but children don't quite understand death in the same way adults do.  Rest assured, your youngster is just trying to get his head around the idea of death, which is actually quite complex for a little mind.

It's normal children that age they don't have the perception to really understand about life and death. They yet to understand empathy and as well they are still developing their perception of society so he doesn't really understand that if you are told that someone passed away you are to react to the news in a certain way. As well as emotionally they are still learning and growing...don't be alarmed just talk to him and don't reprimand him (not that you did I'm just saying as a general rule )

Sorry to hear about your dog, Hopster.  Saying goodbye to a much-loved pet (and member of the family) is so hard.  The child's reaction seems normal, yes.  (I don't have kids.)

My father died when I was nine & I remember in the very beginning not being too upset about it -- I carried on breezily with whatever I was occupied with at that moment (denial?).  The reality sunk in later (days, weeks, months, etc).

One of my older cousins died back around 1990-something.  They told one of very young (3-4 years old) cousins that Cousin Katie 'went to be with Jesus'.  So at the funeral, when the little cousin saw Cousin Katie's body in the casket - she essentially shouted out (during the funeral) something like - 'What's she doing sleeping there?  She's supposed to be with Jesus!'

So sorry to hear about your dog. I've had to have two put down in the past, and it's so heartbreaking.

The kids I work with just lost their grandfather. The six year old was very upset. He cried and cried. He pretty much understands what happened.  But the four year old doesn't really understand. She'll say something like "oh, grandaddy's in heaven and we don't get to see him or that "grandmother's coming for a visit, but we don't get to see grandaddy because he's dead."

but I don't think she really grasps the full concept of death. I think she's kind of thinking along the lines of "miss Angie went to England so we didn't get to see her = grandaddy's dead so we don't get to see him" She realized that there has been a change and doesn't like it, but she doesn't really understand what's going on.

It's a hard concept to understand or explain

Hopster, I am so sorry to hear about your dog- having to put down a pet is such a heartbreaking thing. My condolences to you and your family.


And... to echo what others here have said, yes it is normal behavior. At 5 kids don't understand that death is final even after you tell them that the dog, person, etc. will not be back. The soup thing, while uncomfortable for an adult, is probably his way of processing this event in his life. He may mention it in other ways that seem a bit odd to you, it is just him figuring out the situation.

Liz