What is the first step towards getting a visa?

thats exactly what i mean. we do plan to be together for life, its what we want ( of course im not naive and i know that stuff happens and people seperate) so for us theres no difference between being married and not except in my experience most peoples relationships just go downhill after marriage and i dont want that to happen with me and simon. he feels the same way. i am taking everyones advice and we have been talking about marriage a little more, maybe it wont be so bad after all. plus one of his good friends said to him the other day, " why dont you just marry that girl already".  he said he wonders why everyone is ganging up on him, lol.

as far as we are concerned marriage is just your signature on a piece of paper that states you are a couple in the eyes of the law. i did some thinking about that and its actually a good idea anyways, i dunno how it works in the Uk but here in the states, if you are not married your partner has no say so in your life, legally. we are not gonna let anything keep us apart and i certainly wouldnt mind having his last name.

OK, first, yes, no matter where you are, if you aren't married your partner has no legal say in your life.  Funnily enough, that's because marriage is a legal "state" (for lack of a better term) and just living together isn't.   If you refuse to sign a legal document saying you're married, why should we let you sign any others?

But I have a question.  Obviously, at the age of 22, you have seen enough of life to know that most relationships go downhill after marriage.  I mean, all of us on this board are living proof of that.  My question is-If it's just a piece of paper, why do you have such a problem with getting it?
I've never understood that, and I'm really, honestly curious.  It seems like everyone I've ever heard who says they hate the idea of marriage also throws in that "Oh, it's just a piece of paper" line. 

So which is it?  Is it a huge deal that changes lives, or is it just a piece of paper?  Do you honestly think that making a legal commitment to someone means that the relationship has a worse chance of survival than the relationship of two people who would rather make sure they leave their options open?

I don't mean to hijack the thread, I really don't.  But I am really curious about this, and I'm also curious if you realize how insulting it is to (figuratively) wander into a room full of married people-some of whom have only recently been allowed the right that you think is worthless-and tell them you laugh at them and call them "Fools" behind their backs.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, I really don't.  But I am really curious about this, and I'm also curious if you realize how insulting it is to (figuratively) wander into a room full of married people-some of whom have only recently been allowed the right that you think is worthless-and tell them you laugh at them and call them "Fools" behind their backs.

apposite.

Not trying to gripe at anyone or get on a soapbox, but marriage is more than just a piece of paper. It is a commitment you make before God tying yourself to the other in all aspects of life. And sadly, it does not work out sometimes.  I considered marrying my husband as more than just a piece of paper, I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, God-willing.  And I see nothing wrong with not getting married if that is your choice, nor is there anything wrong with living with someone. There are different kinds and levels of commitment.

I just think marriage should not be taken likely and you get out of it what you put into it. If marriage scares you or you feel it is not the right step to take in a relationship, it is probably for a reason. I have had several friends' marriages fall apart because they did not go into it seriously or for the wrong reasons. Believe me marriage does change things, but for the better.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, I really don't.  But I am really curious about this, and I'm also curious if you realize how insulting it is to (figuratively) wander into a room full of married people-some of whom have only recently been allowed the right that you think is worthless-and tell them you laugh at them and call them "Fools" behind their backs.

Yep, right there too! Guess I am highjacking as well.

If you desperately want to be together and are truly in love then your only option is to get married, if not, stay in the states and meet someone else and move on. Its "either/or", there is no gray space.  To be a fool or not...that is the choice I suppose. 



 

The 'grey space' is to have the long distance relationship until you are totally ready.  Not ideal, but better than rushing into something as serious as marriage, surely?


Victoria