38 days and counting...

It seems the closer the time gets for the visit...the more I miss him and the more we argue over stupid things. I'm so worried over things that shouldn't even be in my head.

I told him we need to talk when im there about the future and what it holds for us...this comment has made me so incredibly frightened. It's not like I want a purposal (even though I'd be so incredibly happy to have one) ...but even some sort of plan would satisfy me at this moment. I want to know that after 4 1/2 years of doing this that something will eventually come of it. I love this man with every fiber of my being and I just hate thinking of being without him. I want to sit down and set out some sort plan or timeline of what's going to happen...maybe save a little money so we can start the process...whatever...ANYTHING...I just want to start the ball rolling. If we don't start it then it will never get done.

I'm worried since it's been so long that things might have changed...maybe we'll see one another and it just won't be there anymore. Maybe he'll realize he doesn't love me or want me? All irrational fears but at the same time I can't help but think like this. We've had a rough year and made it through it and I'm just wondering what kind of toll that has taken on us.

I'm going 3 weeks this time and even though I'm not even there yet I'm worried about leaving him. I know I won't want to leave him. This is longer than all the other visits and I know it's going to be even more rough to say goodbye. 

I find the closer the time gets the more I miss him..I long to be next to him and hear his voice and just smell him and see him there. I love knowing he's there and I can reach out and touch his hand and just be happy. I love his scent...knowing it and it taking me into another relm. I want to see the way he looks at me...gosh it just melts my heart. I want too feel him touch me...everytime he touches me...even if it's to hold my hand or to touch my feet in a playful way I get goosebumps like it's the first time he's ever done it.

I just want everything to be perfect...why can't I just think about the hear and now? Why do I have to dwell on things that haven't even happened yet?

I love him...why can't that be enough to be together? Why does money and other things have to be in the way...

 :\\\'(

When I first read your post I thought it was ME typing it!  I'm the same way...I always end up SO worried before I see my husband that it really puts stress on our relationship.  I think I remember you saying that you haven't seen your bf for a year? I only ever go three-four months max without seeing my husband, so I can't imagine how you must feel.
I think it is so normal to feel that way, although my husband would disagree with me!  He always is so certain that we'll feel the same way, but I never am...mostly that he won't feel the same way about me.  Guess what?  He's always right!  Its like we were never apart.  But, until we see each other...I worry, try to cause arguments and am generally not the best person to speak to.  Luckily, I only act like this for a bit before we see each other, because its not a good thing for any relationship.
I wish you the best...just remember that if its meant to be it will be   Also, if you have been in long distance relationship for almost five years, I think it is VERY reasonable to want it to move forward!  Its a VERY long time....(believe me, I know!)

When I first read your post I thought it was ME typing it!  I'm the same way...I always end up SO worried before I see my husband that it really puts stress on our relationship.  I think I remember you saying that you haven't seen your bf for a year? I only ever go three-four months max without seeing my husband, so I can't imagine how you must feel.
I think it is so normal to feel that way, although my husband would disagree with me!  He always is so certain that we'll feel the same way, but I never am...mostly that he won't feel the same way about me.  Guess what?  He's always right!  Its like we were never apart.  But, until we see each other...I worry, try to cause arguments and am generally not the best person to speak to.  Luckily, I only act like this for a bit before we see each other, because its not a good thing for any relationship.
I wish you the best...just remember that if its meant to be it will be   Also, if you have been in long distance relationship for almost five years, I think it is VERY reasonable to want it to move forward!  Its a VERY long time....(believe me, I know!)

Haha...well glad I'm not the only one. I really feel horrible for being such a wench...but it's so hard to not worry and stress out over these things. I know in my heart everything will be great but in my head is a different story! This is the longest we've gone without seeing eachother...when I'm there it will be a year and a half. It really sucks! We didn't have the funds.

We've been doing this for 4 and a half years I think it's about time we make some sort of plan or timeline of sorts. It's not an unreasonable thing to want to do after all this time.

Thanks for your comment...really made me feel better knowing im not the only one.

Wow....I commend you for being able to hang in there so long...it takes a lot of strength to do ld, I cant think of the word I want but you impress me   A year and a half is a long time HOWEVER....theres no reason it wont be just as great seeing him. I dont blame you for wanting the relationship to move forward, you've been there a long time now.

David and I have never had to go more than a few months and we thought that was hard, if Ive ever complained I realize now I have no right to do so But when we did see each other it was as if wed never left each other...even the first time we met it was like we'd known each other forever (wed known each other online 5 years but you know what I mean hehe).

We do tend to nitpick and get I get crabby with him more when its almost time to see him. And I have those irrational fears too, that he'll suddenly SEE me and not like me anymore, but as soon as we see each other thats all gone instantly Hes so obviously happy to see me, and me him...

You were mentioning how it is as the time gets closer...and I know focusing on how much you miss him may not be the best but focusing on all those things you said, about his touch etc mght help you to feel better..thats what I do... I just think what its like to get that first hug...to have him stick out his hand and wait for me to take it...

And now its even less time!! Good luck to you

Reeeeka - I'm doing the exact opposite of you right now - waiting for my husband to leave me for 6 months.  But I'm having the same stress issues you are.  Since you are going to have such a short time together try extra hard not to worry.  You want to enjoy every minute of it - instead of spending time making up for arguements that occurred the week before.  Hopefully this visit will bring you one step closer to living in the same country. 

It's going to be ok...

Wow....I commend you for being able to hang in there so long...it takes a lot of strength to do ld, I cant think of the word I want but you impress me   A year and a half is a long time HOWEVER....theres no reason it wont be just as great seeing him. I dont blame you for wanting the relationship to move forward, you've been there a long time now.

David and I have never had to go more than a few months and we thought that was hard, if Ive ever complained I realize now I have no right to do so But when we did see each other it was as if wed never left each other...even the first time we met it was like we'd known each other forever (wed known each other online 5 years but you know what I mean hehe).

We do tend to nitpick and get I get crabby with him more when its almost time to see him. And I have those irrational fears too, that he'll suddenly SEE me and not like me anymore, but as soon as we see each other thats all gone instantly Hes so obviously happy to see me, and me him...

You were mentioning how it is as the time gets closer...and I know focusing on how much you miss him may not be the best but focusing on all those things you said, about his touch etc mght help you to feel better..thats what I do... I just think what its like to get that first hug...to have him stick out his hand and wait for me to take it...

And now its even less time!! Good luck to you

Aww thanks...yeah it's been very hard. That's why when people ask my opinion on whether or not they should get into a long distance relationship I tell them they should do what they want but take into consideration how hard it is and how commited you have to be to making it work. Especially if it's an international type relationship...that's way worst than any state to state long distance (atleast in my opinion).

I feel I'm nitpicking every little thing that he says or doesn't say. I'm quick to jump and make a huge deal out of things that arn't and it's all because I'm nervous and anxious. My heart knows everything's going to be just fine...it's my head I can't get to shut up!

Oh gosh If I focus on all the things I miss I'll miss him more. If I keep myself preoccupied then I'm okie...it's when im sittig here and waiting for him to wake up that's driving me insane. I'm okie when I'm at work...

Anyway...thanks for the comment...mucho appreciated. 

Reeeeka - I'm doing the exact opposite of you right now - waiting for my husband to leave me for 6 months.  But I'm having the same stress issues you are.  Since you are going to have such a short time together try extra hard not to worry.  You want to enjoy every minute of it - instead of spending time making up for arguements that occurred the week before.  Hopefully this visit will bring you one step closer to living in the same country. 

It's going to be ok...

0o yeah I know...once I see him every little argument we had will be out the window. Honestly I don't remember more than half of them...that's how stupid they are lol.

thanks