Why does everything have to be so darn hard?

I am literally losing my mind.  How did everyone do this, ya know make the big move and pay for it as well as survive it?   I do not make a ton of money (in fact I work three jobs) but I make it work.  I know that moeny doesn't buy happiness but it might but a little security.

Ok ok let me explain my situation.  I am completly and utterly in love with my Fiance.  I will do anything and everything to be with him.  so I made the decision when I got back from our last visit that I would be the one moving to the UK to start our life.  GREAT!! GRAND!!!  YIPPY!. 

The first thing I had to deal with was my disapproving family and friends (ok I expected some opposition).  A couple shouting matches, some tears shed and that was over people just started to accept that yes I am in fact moving across an ocean to be with my true love.
The second thing VISAS!!!!! Oh lordy lordy how many nights, and antiacids I had to take to get through this process (Advice to anyone doing this now, do not go looking for the horror stories on the web because they are out there and they only keep you up at night, the process isn't really that terrible).  I swore once we got the visa I would relax and work on getting myself prepared.  RELAX YEAH RIGHT?
Ok now I am onto sorting my stuff and paying for everything.  How did everyone do it?  I know we all didn't marry rich spouses, and I know some of us make close to the poverty level?  So how honestly did everyone make the move and stilll have a half decent wedding?
Oh plus as an added bonus I am bringing my pet over, oh KRIPES!!!!  The PETs SCHEME gotta love that, yes it save 6 months of quarantine, but my lord the paperwork and timelines are killing me, plus how can my 36lbs mini schnauzer's plane ticket cost more than mine, and my boxes being shipped over combined???
I just feel like I am drowing and with working 3 jobs and selling everthing I feel like I am just going to eek by.  Plus my car oh goodness my car, I can't wait to start really pushing that because it is rather expensive and to add insult to injury is leased.   Although I am working with a company to get it sold I am still worried about selling it too quickly or just paying through the nose for it, something I have absolutly no money for!!!!
Plus afterword finding a job, I thought maybe a college degree and some years of experience under my belt would be enough, but the more I read about getting a job the more my hear sinks. 
Can anyone relate?  I feel overwhlemed and defeated and I just started.

I could tell my story of how I wound up here and then you'd feel better..   Maybe you should PM me.

Yes, it is expensive and no, I don't know how we manage.  But in the end we do because when there is a will...

I tried not to think about the money and i just focused on the task at hand.  When you move, you go through money like water.  I remember thinking, "what's another 200 dollars..?"  About a month after arrival, we stopped spending.  Now we're almost debt free.  so it can be done.  Moving, no matter how you slice it, is expensive!

I've totally been in your shoes.  (Well, almost, thank goodness I didn't have to work three jobs.  I have no idea how you're doing that.  More power to you!)

We always knew that one of us would have to move.  Although we both agreed that it made more sense for him to move to the US, since I had a great job and financial security, we decided that for the time-being, I would move to the UK, as DH has two daughters.  So I made the definitive decision to move and actually moved within 2 months.  Those 2 months were a whirlwind of preparation, but I just made lists of things that needed to get done, and I stuck to it.

You mentioned about your car.  That was a nightmare for me.  I was only 12 months into a 42-month lease on a new SUV.  The time I was preparing to move was around the same time that gas prices hit the roof in the US.  I couldn't get anyone to take over the lease.  I ended-up paying over $6,000 in early-termination fees.

In the meantime, DH used those 2 months to find us a new place to live, and he did a stellar job.  

I used my frequent flyer miles to visit him and sort-out which of my belongings to take/ship to our new home and which to sell, donate, give away, or leave behind.  While I was there in the UK, I also gathered up his documents to take back to NY for my fiancé visa.

The visa process was a thousand times easier than I thought it would have been.  The people at the NY Consulate were nice and very efficient.  I received my visa the same day.

A week later, I moved to the UK towing 8 pieces of luggage (and paying excess baggage fees) in addition to everything I had shipped ahead of time, but having all of my stuff immediately there with me definitely helped the transition.  My family, especially my mom, was a huge help with my move.  DH's mum was so helpful by keeping in touch with me, and helping me to adjust.

Since I was on a fiancé visa and not permitted to work, I had plenty of time to plan our wedding, which went like a charm.  You just need to do your homework to find the best options for you.

Hopefully, I'll be starting work soon, because it's tough (at least in my opinion) for us to live in London on just 1 salary.  But since everything else has gone very well for us so far, I have no reason to think that finding a job will be too bad.

DH has been my rock when I've gotten worried about this-or-that in the whole moving and getting acclimated process.  His good vibes are definitely rubbing off on me.

My advice to you is to stay informed, be prepared, stay positive, and try to relax.  

Of course money would buy security!  Even the filthy rich worry about keeping they're riches!  We work, we make money, we spend it and on and on.  I hear everything your saying here because I just went throught it.  I also had a business to sell, on top of my car, furniture and dealing with the pet scheme.  We married in the states and like you said, the visa isnt really as big a deal as we thought.  There are many peeps on here who also had children to bring!  I cant imagine how stressful that would be. 

As far as the job thing, well, we've made a decision to leave everything we know to start over in a new country.  I havent started looking for a job yet as I planned on taking a few months off when I got here.  Im sure its going to be stressful and scary, but then again, life is in general!  I look at all this as an adventure.  I wanted to move here, my hubs offered to move to SF, but I said no.  I was tired of life in the states and wanted to try something new.  Here I am! 

I hear what your saying about money, its cost me a small fortune to move here.  But to be honest, I dont care how much money I have to spend to be with Rich!  Yes I worry about the money I owe on my credit card, but Ill pay it off eventually.  Its just money!  This is how I look at it, but that might not be how everyone else does.

I am happier than I have even been in my life.  I can just look in my dogs eyes and see she feels the same!  She LOVES Rich and loves the parks we have.  I dont doubt for one second the choices I made.  And Im certainly not saying times will be tough, I miss my friends so much it hurts.  But with Skype, instant messages and visits home, Im alright. 

I wish I had something wonderful to say that would make you feel less overwhelmed and defeated!  Just know that there are many people who have done what we are doing and made it through!  This forum has been full of information and support for me, as I hope it will be for you!!  StuzMrs said it perfect with her last line!!!

If it helps at all, my english husband thinks that the methods of finding jobs in the UK are far superior to the methods in the US.  Depending on what field you are in, it sounds like agencies can be a real help (ie if you are specialized and have some experience). 

It's hard for me to say, but money is just money.  Unless you are putting yourselves in a financially dangerous situation you will almost always bounce back.  Like jennredd said, it's a big cycle. 

If you are flexible in what you want for your wedding I'm sure it can be beautiful.  I got married in the States, but we decided on a (small) budget then picked the 2 most important things we wanted (my dress and the people we invited) and just made everything else work.  I loved our wedding.  The men just wore suits.  I made the bridesmaid's dresses so they wouldn't have to pay for them (although for my friend's wedding she just found nice dresses in a regular clothing shop).  We had a cheap buffet at my parent's house.  We got married in front of the people that we loved and we got to spend some time with them.  And that was what really mattered to us. 

You've got your visa, you've got your tickets.  How long until you move?  At least then you'll have him to support you.   

I'm looking at it like this: all the grief is front-loaded. It starts off REALLY hard, then it gets easier. This is liking getting your hangover out of the way first, and then getting to go out and party.

Right?

(Please say yes...I'm just starting the painful part).

I know it is so overwhelming to ge the whole process done.    I practically sold everything I owned which in turned paid of any debts I had.  My parents bought my car.

I feel for those whose families have quarreled over the move.  Mine were fine with it. They of course had met him but it might have helped that I was a military brat when I was young and my family was stationed overseas once. They actually looked at my move rather enviously because not everyone gets this opportunity to be in love and live some different.

When you start the visa process it is very overwhelming. Mostly because you just want to get it right. But after it gets approved you realize how easy it really is provided you have everything they require. I agree don't go looking for the worst case scenerio.  Look to the helpful people (such as on here!) that care to reach out and offer advice.

I didn't have a lot of money and I went without. i would ask myself a lot of questions when I wanted to buy something.  Do I need this or do I want this?  Heck, I tried to stock up on so much stuff because I probably had this niave view I was moving to a 3rd world country and they wouldn't have it.  I stocked up on stupid things like hairspray, shampoo, razors, hair clips, medicines. But I didn't need any of it!  They have these things right here!  So if you are thinking you are going to be going without something, chances are you can probably get a hold of it.  So no need to spend the money to stock up.

Again the Pet process can seem overwhelming too.  I didn't met all the deadlines and actually had to fly back over a month after arriving here just to pick them up. (My pets were a  non-negotiable thing with me!) I thought it was going to be so expensive. I was quoted a price of $500 per cat but when I showed up at the cargo bay on the day I found out it was for the both of them! THat saved my day. But the Pet Scheme is much much  cheaper than putting them in quarantine.

As for my personal stuff, I still have a lot of it stored in my dad's attic.  And you know what? I realized out of all that stuff still in his attic, I don't really need it. Its more of a sentimental thing I guess.  On any visits over to see my husband I usually left most of what I had behind with him.  If he came to see me, I made sure he came with 2 suitcases almost empty so he could take a bunch of stuff back with him. that helped out a lot.

As for a job, I found one 3 weeks after moving here and 2 weeks of actually looking around.  Unless you come on a specialized job you take what you can until you find one you want to move on to. Some people on here have worked at bookstores,  and in offices.  It really isn't that hard if you just want to get a job to get started. You can always move on after   you are finally settled.

One of the things that helped us was my husband took out a new credit card and got me on as an additional card holder so while I was back in the states paying for things to get prepared to come over I could use this card knowing we would work on paying it off together once I was finally over there. I first went looking around the stores and shops near me and then onto the high street. Fortunately we moved practically next door to a huge mall and there were plenty jobs to get me started there.  It's not that bad, really. 

Thank you everyone,

Everything you said made me feel better.  I know I will get there eventually and I know the money will alwasy be an issue but I figure if I keep working and saving I should be ok.  It just get overwhelming.  I can do any...I mean come on I am a waitress, and radio professional and a data entry clerk at the present time.  I would take anything even trash collection just to get by.  I am not picky about what I am doing as long as I can contribute.
Future hubby doesn't make much at all but you know we willl get by.  It is just really scary.

I'm looking at it like this: all the grief is front-loaded. It starts off REALLY hard, then it gets easier. This is liking getting your hangover out of the way first, and then getting to go out and party.

Right?

(Please say yes...I'm just starting the painful part).

Yes,yes!!!!  This is a perfect way to describe it.  Also like giving birth. The pain HAS to end.  The baby eventually comes out and it's over!!  at least the  pain part - there are a whole new set of issues to deal with but those you take as they come!