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Topic: Well. . . Ouch. . . .  (Read 5398 times)

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Re: Well. . . Ouch. . . .
« Reply #30 on: June 16, 2006, 11:11:53 AM »
"If he really does love you, he'll be coming back to you on your terms"

Really?  That hardly seems fair. 

I don't hold with this 'men are from Mars' crap.  I don't think they are a different species, and I don't think they should be treated as such.  I find that they are often more direct then women, which probably comes from social conditioning more than anything else...the point is, he is having a difficult time to, and it is worth seeing it from his side.  If you aren't happy with the thought that this is all on his terms, why would/should he be happy having it all on your terms?

Vicky


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Re: Well. . . Ouch. . . .
« Reply #31 on: June 16, 2006, 11:49:08 AM »
Wonderboy and I are both good people, who value each other, but we both come with a few truckloads of emotional baggage, some of which still probably needs to be evaluated.  ::) He's worth the effort of trying to find out where this all came from, why it was so sudden, and what he actually wants.

I only feel impotent in that I said all I wanted to say, in as honest and caring language as I could say it, and now the balls in his court. . . And I can be a bit of a control freak.  :P :-[ :-\\\\

In any case, we have spoken, and I got another email with some answers. . . He has a nasty habit of jumping ahead of himself (and me), panicking, and trying to spare himself hurt that may or may not be coming. . . So during an episode of emotional housecleaning, he freaked about where this would go, and all the difficulties entailed, and I think was just trying to spare himself pain.

Sounds like we still have some details to hammer out that we both had some assumptions on, technicalities, etc., but we've agreed there's potential for us, and to back up a bit and let things develop at a natural pace.

I did make a stand on the fact that I really find it hurtful & unfair that he didn't let me know he was struggling with things relating to us before he made his knee-jerk decision to end things. . . I can't allay fears or tlk through things (bring him back to reality) if he won't tell me whats going on, and I relly feel somewhat decieved that he let me think things were fine, then broadsided me.

Thanks for all the support- My head's been spinning for a few days. . .  :-* You are all awesome, and I do appreciate the play of ideas and the meeting of minds on this site.
"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh"    - Agnes Repplier


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Re: Well. . . Ouch. . . .
« Reply #32 on: June 16, 2006, 02:39:06 PM »
He has a nasty habit of jumping ahead of himself (and me), panicking, and trying to spare himself hurt that may or may not be coming. . . So during an episode of emotional housecleaning, he freaked about where this would go, and all the difficulties entailed, and I think was just trying to spare himself pain.
I did the same thing in the beginning of my relationship...I think I may know how he feels.  My bf told me very sternly that I wasn't getting rid of him that easy.  You are smart to take a step back and a deep breath.  I know it's all very overwhelming. I think as long as you both communicate and are honest with each other with the expectations of your relationship - you'll both be much more confident and calm and most importantly, happy!

Vicky - I agree that men are more direct.  Women always talk about how we FEEL and why we FEEL that way.  Men just say it - no sugar coating. 


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Re: Well. . . Ouch. . . .
« Reply #33 on: June 16, 2006, 04:06:01 PM »
MissyMo--good for you for being assertive and standing up for your feelings.  I'm also glad he didn't say "under review" to you--no relationship should sound like the outcome of an experiment!

I am also glad that you two are still able to communicate.  It will take some time for your head to stop spinning but at least you have some answers and ideas that will hopefully bring some peace to you.

If, in some time, you still feel like seeing each other, that may be a good thing.  It is so difficult to assess another person's feelings digitally.  I recently returned from a trip to the UK to see someone, a trip that took place a number of months after the relationship ended.  We had a wonderful time together in spite of that, and it was obvious that this person still cares about me.  But I cannot kid myself either--we are an ocean apart, and no telling if we will ever be able to be together permanently somewhere.  Still, the whole trip was a healing experience, and I gained great perspective on the entire situation.


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Re: Well. . . Ouch. . . .
« Reply #34 on: June 16, 2006, 04:28:08 PM »

 Men just say it - no sugar coating. 

yep you and Vicky are right. Directness is best policy when it comes to love. Along with openess.

BUT directness is not the same as knee-jerk callousness. It should never be knee-jerk. Even more so with LDR's.

Where most men lack, IMO, is the openess department.

But anyone in a LDR must be able to speak and ask openly and directly. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, whether together, apart or what have you.

It's bad enough to have your head spinning, stomach churning with giant butterflies, and just plain feeling like your in a whirlwind because you are in love but there is nothing worse than having your head spin in a sea of numb confusion because of a simple thing called communication.

just my rambling to no one in particular



Still tired of coteries and bans. But hanging about anyway.


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Re: Well. . . Ouch. . . .
« Reply #35 on: June 16, 2006, 11:16:38 PM »
In any case, we have spoken, and I got another email with some answers. . . He has a nasty habit of jumping ahead of himself (and me), panicking, and trying to spare himself hurt that may or may not be coming. . . So during an episode of emotional housecleaning, he freaked about where this would go, and all the difficulties entailed, and I think was just trying to spare himself pain.

Sounds like we still have some details to hammer out that we both had some assumptions on, technicalities, etc., but we've agreed there's potential for us, and to back up a bit and let things develop at a natural pace.

I did make a stand on the fact that I really find it hurtful & unfair that he didn't let me know he was struggling with things relating to us before he made his knee-jerk decision to end things. . . I can't allay fears or tlk through things (bring him back to reality) if he won't tell me whats going on, and I relly feel somewhat decieved that he let me think things were fine, then broadsided me.
Your Wonderboy sounds so much like my guy.  I sure hope they aren't the same person, LOL.  (I'm kidding!)
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”


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Re: Well. . . Ouch. . . .
« Reply #36 on: June 17, 2006, 02:25:25 AM »
Your Wonderboy sounds so much like my guy.  I sure hope they aren't the same person, LOL.  (I'm kidding!)
LOL! Like I need anything else to worry about!!!  :o ;D
"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh"    - Agnes Repplier


Re: Well. . . Ouch. . . .
« Reply #37 on: June 17, 2006, 07:28:51 PM »
Just sending hugs.  [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]

The right solution will find it's way eventually to you both. I do hope everything works out for you. Communication between man and woman is hard enough without adding the distance factor to the mix.

I'm glad he didn't really say "under review" to you, that sounded pretty callous. But sounds like he is really confused at the moment. Sometimes a small breather is what you need to put things into perspective. He'll come around, just give him time.



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