A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I left for England for a month, my mom drove me to the airport and then was going to drive down to South Florida to visit with her cousin for a week. Her leaving me at the airport check in was the last time I saw her, she died unexpectedly of a heart attack a week later and a day later, on August 2nd. So today is a weird day. I re-ran the whole scenario in my head 1,000 times, what if I didn't go to England (I was going to see my then fiance, now husband)? What if I knew it was the last day I would see her? What would I say? Do? Would I change anything? I don't think I would. Everything happens for a reason, and now a  year later, I know I was meant to be away when she passed. I don't think I could have coped being here when it happened, it was hard enough coming home a few days after I found out. But part of me wishes I could go back to a year ago today, give her another hug before I left, and tell her I loved her.

HUgs  Juls

As long  as  you both left on good terms and you know how  happy and proud of you she  was, enjoy that. Something tells me she knows how you feel.  It's human nature and it's hard not to do the 'what if'..  Do something to honor her today.. maybe something you  and she liked to do together  or even go through old photographs.. whatever..

I lost My godmother/ aunt unexpectedly like that.. the last time I saw her  alive she was   all dressed up and they (godparents)   had come to pick up my parents for a  valentine's day dance. Who knew that she wouldn't make it home? .. She had an aurism..(Sp?)  and died 24 hours later.. I kind of know what you mean..  I've  been thinking a lot about her today..kind of out of the blue  really..

Thanks. Yes I'm glad I left on good terms, I talked to her a few days before she passed away, I remember that she sounded tired but good. She said she wanted me to be happy and if I decided to move to England (this was when we were still wedding planning and deciding where to live) that she just wanted me to be happy and she knew my now H does make me happy. Then she talked to him and told him to take care of me when I was there and that she loved him too. It seemed routine at the time but its really nice to have that memory  now.

That's sad to think about Juls.  It is good that you can take a small consolation in the knowledge that you did actually say goodbye to her when you left at the airport.  Even if you didn't know at the time that it would be your last goodbye.  And it sounds like you two did reasonably well at saying what needed to be said, to let each other know that you cared.   It sounds like this will be a tough week for you.   

  Just wanted to send a hug, and let you know I am thinking of you.

 :\\\'( argh that made me cry...im really sorry about your mother. I dunno what I'd do if I lost mine...you're a very strong women.

Thanks everyone, I was expecting this week to be tough and it is but I think the stress of waiting for my visa is overpowering any othe feelings so maybe that's good  It's been a very tough, but wonderful, year definitely the most important of my life in a bittersweet way. My mom and I were very close and I know she'll be with me wherever I go.

That is such a sad story. Im so sorry to hear of your loss. Big hugs for you at this difficult time.

Huge hugs to you!